a morning practice



I have many thoughts to spill out, but maybe most are better served by my personal journal. But I have been thinking that I want to more regularly publish vignettes of thoughts publicly; less well-formed, less "pointful", less edited, less coherent, more thoughts and ideas. Here is one.

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This entry was originally posted at http://joshua0.dreamwidth.org/63079.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

DreamWidth PSA

Whether you imported your LiveJournal account or not (my opinion: you should; then you will have continuity), you should also remember to claim your LiveJournal OpenID, which is a non-obvious part of the LJ-to-DW transition process. Go do this now to save yourself and other people headache.

(Why? When you import your LiveJournal account, you create subscribe-and-access links to a bunch of LiveJournal people, but you still exist twice, according to DreamWidth -- once as "you.dreamwidth.org", and once as "you.livejournal.com". So if people imported their LiveJournal accounts, and have you as friends, you still won't be able to see them, because they gave access to your LiveJournal instance; you need to link the two, so that DreamWidth knows that they actually meant to give access to your DreamWidth instance, too. For bonus points, this also means that all of the comments that got imported by your LiveJournal name into other people's journals will now be attributed to your DreamWidth name, too.)

This entry was originally posted at http://joshua0.dreamwidth.org/62851.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

2016 in music

I liked the idea of last year's review of music so much that I went and wrote down everything that I bought (and a bunch of things that I listened to otherwise this year). A handful of things were released this year, but only narrowly a majority: I discovered a lot of stuff from years past that I liked! Anyway, let's do it:

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So what did I miss?

This entry was originally posted at http://joshua0.dreamwidth.org/62706.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

2016: a short review

Evelyn Ave bike lane, blurry, as the sun sets

When I started my yoga teacher training, I promised to myself that whatever I share would be true to what I experience.  If that be all inspirational messages attached to pictures of me in absurd-seeming poses, then that would be what it'd be; but if the reality was something else (and I'll give you a hint: my feet still don't go behind my head), then whatever I wrote about would be something else.  Well, the truth of it is that the human experience runs the gamut from light to darkness; being honest with you, and being honest with myself, means talking about both of them.

By September or October of 2016, I was on track, I felt, for one of the healthiest years I'd had yet.  My physical health was relatively good, and moreover, my psychoemotional health was pretty good, too; I felt fairly resilient in the face of a year of what seemed like never-ending travel, and not a whole lot of time at home to rest and regenerate.  You have, perhaps, heard of some of these travels; the general theme, I think, is a place of challenge, but also a place of being able to handle the challenge.  I was excited for the chance to write a positive end-of-the-year message, for once!

Suddenly, around November, though, the opposite.  The election was, perhaps, a microcosm of what felt like a world and structure of mental health that was crashing around me.  I felt physically ill, too, as the demons that have always haunted -- and will always haunt -- me came back to visit; my body felt unable to even muster the energy to stay warm, let alone exercise, or take care of any of the other habits and routines that I am used to.

I felt like I spent a fair bit of the past few months offering reassurances to friends who seemed to be experiencing similar, with varying degrees of success.  For a while, it was easy to make the motions of pretending to be okay -- and not letting on that I wasn't, because I knew that whether I was or not, they had the chance to be okay.  It became difficult to reassure myself, too, when all of the usual tools in my toolbox seemed to bring nothing to bear.  (At the same time, I shudder to think of what would become if I hadn't those tools available at all.)

These last couple weeks of being away from work and entirely taking time for myself have gone a long way towards recovery -- for which I am very thankful.

For those of you who read this, and who identified this year with the experience of the darkness: you are not alone.  It can feel overwhelming.  Your experience is uniquely yours, but you are not alone. I hope you'll remember that the light is there; check in with the people who see it sometimes.

And for those of you who read this who identified this year with the light: thank you for bringing that light with you.  You, too, remember that the darkness is there; I hope that you'll check in with the people who see it sometimes, and shine the beacon brightly.

the work starts now.

I wrote this over on Facebook:

I deliberately went to sleep last night with no knowledge of who was winning or losing, but that didn't make it any easier when I woke up this morning to a heartbreaking text from my mom: "Words can't express how sad I am at the possible impact the next four years could have on the next 25 years of your life".

I am lucky that the impact, in the short term, will be but an inconvenience for me. But I fear for the impact of the rise of the alt-right on some of my closest friends. My trans friends, who I fear for the safety of. My friends of color, who I fear the increase in the day to day abuse of. The women in my life, who stand to face the consequences as our country travels back in time.

I don't know what happens next. But today isn't the last day that we'll have to face together, and January 20th won't be, either. It's time to redouble our commitments to each other, and to our communities. If you can, give money and resources to organizations that matter. Get to know the stories of the service workers around you whose lives are on the line. Volunteer your time to work in the places and with the people that will be hit the hardest.

The work starts now.

Here's a handful of resources and thoughts that I've collected over the past 14 hours since I woke up. Some of these are a place of hope, some a place of caution, and many are disturbing. Take care of yourself. I've continued to update this in the days after the election. I've also added * to the best things.

Take care of yourselves, your friends, your families. Be there for each other. And then once you have some time to spare, be there for your community.

The work starts now, but it doesn't end tomorrow, or next week, or next year, or even in four years.

"God gave Adam a secret — and that secret was not how to begin, but how to begin again."

          — Elie Wiesel

recently 2

sunset-lit sky over the mountains, peering out of a tent
(click for many more)


a surreality in photos

More, recently. A trip into the Eastern Sierras -- a place I had been, but didn't remember. A trip back home -- a place I had been, and remembered full well. A trip to Shanghai, for work -- a place I hadn't before been at all. Still hard to write about, because for some of it, I don't even understand myself what enough of what it all meant to write about. So, another photoblog it is. Last time was snapshots of a reality; this time, perhaps, snapshots of a surreality. I hope you again enjoy.


(previously)

I accidentally uploaded your personal information, and I'm sorry

Here's something that's been kicking about in the back of my mind for the past few days, ever since I saw it happen to me. Every time I think about it, I get really angry, and I feel like I should write about it; and then I get too angry to figure out how to structure a post. The gist of what follows is that an internet service stole your personal information from me. There are lots of people I could blame, but at the end of the day, the data was on my phone, and then it was in the cloud somewhere that I don't control. It came from me, and I apologize. This won't affect most people, but as you'll read, there are some that it could -- and the practice by which it took place, on a wider scale, is extremely dangerous for a handful of groups of people that we already systematically oppress.

This post has been updated since it was originally written to include another example.

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