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alexandra - maybe in another universe. [userpic]

Most probably my linear transformation is wrong.

January 15th, 2009 (01:54 am)

Feeling ::: stressed
Listening ::: The Who - Baba O'Riley

I'm freaking out. I have two major finals,  probability&statistics and linear algebra in two days and I'm in danger of failing them both if I screw up in the finals. And because I'm freaking out I can not understand anything. And when I don't understand I'm freaking out even more. Infinite loop, yes.

Screwed over and only myself is to blame.

Let this term be over - soon.

alexandra - maybe in another universe. [userpic]

meet the deadlines and enjoy.

December 24th, 2008 (03:06 am)

Feeling ::: disappointed
Listening ::: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Stadium Arcadium

I could never make it more complicated.

I started dating the guy again and I have a deadline of 1 month and 23 days till he leaves me for exchange and not even thinks about long distance.
Frankly? Long distance? Sucks. Never tried, never could do it. But at least he could have the courtesy to offer trying it. He doesnt. Do I care? Well, I do. BUT. That does not stop me from cheating on the guy with a friend. I was drunk, so that might not count in my book. But also that does not stop me from talking with my summer fling thing, who has just broken up with the girl he left me for. Ever heard the song "My life is a succession of people saying goodbye" ? I wrote that song. :)  And lastly but most importantly, I wouldnt be devastated because a mutual friend told me "I know you are dating him but really. You are going to be much better with another him" Another him being my huge crush from last year, now one of my best friends, whom according to that mutual friend doesnt make a move on me because I'm dating him. This doesnt make any sense I know. I had to get it out though. I dont know how I made a joyful experience turn into such a complicated one. And is it really joyful? I know I could have fallen in love with him so easily, he's perfect when compared to others. But is he perfect for me? If he wasnt going away, would it last anyway? I dont know. But I'd have like to find that out. Shame I can't.
It was a nice experience though. Someone not from my usual circle. Someone different. Someone whom I can trust. It already feels like we are through. We shouldnt have that conversation.
Wait for me Germany, because when I come, I'm not going to sit and mourn.

alexandra - maybe in another universe. [userpic]

(no subject)

November 21st, 2008 (02:09 am)

Feeling ::: weird
Listening ::: Janis Joplin - Work Me, Lord


Passive aggressive disorder = check
Post traumatic amnesia disorder = check
Neuroticism = check

Psychopath = check.

itinayla manyak bulunur.

alexandra - maybe in another universe. [userpic]

(no subject)

April 30th, 2008 (01:53 am)

Feeling ::: amused
Listening ::: Devics - In Your Room

True, I always wanted to be a psychiatrist, but I never thought about dating my patients.

Passive aggressive disorder = check
Post traumatic amnesia disorder = check
Neuroticism = check

And noone knows about the others I've dated/slept/hooked up/liked and wasn't good friends to a certain degree of spilling mental disorders.

There was a sentence in SatC, "I always pick up the wrong guy." Always.

alexandra - maybe in another universe. [userpic]


March 26th, 2008 (11:00 pm)

Feeling ::: annoyed
Listening ::: Combichrist - This Shit Will Fuck You Up

Mightier than scary midterms + assignments week. Yet again. Nights turning into days and days passing in haze. Me in a social hiatus. Yet trying to seduce someone. Who is capable of getting arrogant in a day. Which pisses me off to no end. That and not having an idea about what he's up to now. And my roommates in general.

1. There's a cat in our room. For that I'm extremely happy for. I adore cats. But if one of my roommates put the papers, on which the cat has pissed on, on my desk I might not be so happy for its existence.
2. I have to finish my assignment by tomorrow, that means no sleep tonight, again. But if my other roommate decides to play with the cat and her b-friend at the same time very loudly then I might get again angry. And when that said roommate constantly tells me to lower the volume of music when she is studying.
3. There are tons of dishes in the bathroom and no one is doing something about them.
4. I do not have any cigarettes, seeing as I have quit but right now, I'm in desperate need of some.

I'm so bitchy. Unbearable.

alexandra - maybe in another universe. [userpic]

Of Caffeine and Sad Songs

March 11th, 2008 (02:20 am)

Feeling ::: awake
Listening ::: Empyrium - Dying Brokenhearted

And assignments due...

Staying up late and me have a love/hate relationship. After one too many cokes+coffees and summer plans of Europe tour I still haven't done anything for my Social and Political Sciences assignment. On the top of the awesomeness that's called my life I'm stuck on Empyrium songs and the past.

Watching one too many Sex and the City episodes is also not considered best for your health.

All my room mates are asleep. It's nearly 3 am. I have tons to do.

At the moment staying up late and me hate each other.

alexandra - maybe in another universe. [userpic]

Breaking Up

March 4th, 2008 (01:16 am)

In ::: dorm, where else?
Feeling ::: pessimistic
Listening ::: Radiohead - Climbing Up The Walls

Whether madly in love or just a casual fling ... It doesn't matter when it comes to breaking up. It even doesn't matter who is the dumpee. Breaking up sensibly, talking with no hard feelings. They are all the same, on the day of seeing your ex for the first time as an ex. Which is today. Today was also the day we broke up. Chances of bumping to your ex when living in a small campus of 3000 people are highly intense. Especially that said ex is also a member of the only student club you're active in. An older, more experienced, more popular member.
Which leaves me dealing with weird looks in the concert by other members. And a series of crises.

Aside the fact that I'm absolute crap at relationships, I'm also crap at breaking up. I broke up. I wanted to. But now here I'm typing aggressively on my laptop and he's out drinking in the campus. And what's even more annoying is that the fact I was also invited there before the ex position. Now everything is "weird", must be handled with care. Apparently you have have a neutral face whenever there's a possibility of seeing your ex. ( abuse of the word ex, yes I know.) How the fuck was I supposed to know he was checking me out whilst I was laughing my ass off? We are supposed to be apart, with mutual decisions so in my book that means no checking out obviously, when there are tons of people around. And the saddest part is me, the one who was babbling about how not good the relationship is for the past week, is sad. Actually sad. Actually wants him back.

There should be phases of breaking up. It shouldn't be the cuddliest couple ever, than the most silent duo ever. People should be able to talk freely with their past lovers, there is a reason they dated. They got on well. Why is that privilege taken away from old couples?

In my opinion the hardest part of breaking up is not thinking about the good times you sharED with each other. So continue to share better moments and the rest will be forgotten. A lot more easier than acting and trying to be cool. Certainly a lot better than not talking at all for months to come. The act, the silent treatment. It tires me.

What is the most important factor in a relationship? Honesty. I assume that that's why people play games after breaking up. The games during the relationship have a name, they have their rules. They are games played in an honest way. Post break-up, however, it gets downright ugly. It becomes a card game, whoever has the upper hand wins.

After all the fake acts, there is still the fact remains that love never ends. Whether you want to admit it or not, each person becomes a part of you, you treasure them deep within your soul. Or at least in your thoughts.

He once said: Every relationship is an opportunity to have a good time, to realize your hidden parts. With each relationship you gain something.

Woody Allen once said: A relationship is like a shark. It has to move constantly forward or it dies.

We said: It was fun but missing something.

It didn't know how to swim.

alexandra - maybe in another universe. [userpic]

(no subject)

September 7th, 2007 (12:39 am)

Feeling ::: bored
Listening ::: Oi Va Voi - Ladino Song

After the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I've been feeling sort of weird. Can anyone believe that it is over? And there will be no more to come?
Even the fandom is slowing down. I was totally crashed when I learned that mistful wasn't going to write any more fanfiction. So very happy about her book though. Wish each one of us can see their dreams fulfilled like that.

On the other hand;

RL: I will be starting college in 3 weeks. Makes one excited AND anxious! Though now, I'm bored as hell, I have nothing to do.

alexandra - maybe in another universe. [userpic]

(no subject)

June 5th, 2007 (09:00 pm)

Feeling ::: busy
Listening ::: Mika - My Interpretation

Happy 27th birthday Draco Malfoy!    ^__^

Long live in canon and fanon...


alexandra - maybe in another universe. [userpic]

(no subject)

May 22nd, 2007 (10:48 pm)

Feeling ::: enraged
Listening ::: Rolling Stones - Angie

"All works of art start as potential. Similarly, all relationships start as potential.
When I meet a person I try and see not their mask, with it’s defenses,
but what’s underneath. I get accused of refusing to acknowledge who a person is
choosing to be right now. When that person is arrogant or rude or selfish then my friends say,
"Clyde!!!!!! THIS is what this LOSER is about." But I say, "Hold on people, this is only what
this person THINKS they are about." So this so called Loser person is confused.
But if no one sees their potential then they may not ever see it themselves and that would be tragic."

This may be the most interesting quote I have read in a while. I truly adore Tori.

I'm sick of people abandoning me. For instance, take a look at my best friend: She claims we grew apart and she doesn't think that there it something missing. Nor she does care to tell me what is her problem with me. Instead she acknowledges the fact that it is over. I never do that. That alone may be my worst and best point but I always give people a chance to explain themselves. I fight for what I believe is right. If they lose their chances, then I can be the world's greatest bitch. But until then I respect them. That is the problem with people. They never value things/relationships enough. A person can make a mistake. It's the most natural thing to do. Hell, I have made a ton of mistakes and for all of them I'm to blame. But I can live with my mistakes. And I can certainly live with someone else's mistakes, even if they hurt me, if I value them. I valued my best friend, because she was my other half. I valued my boyfriend, because it was he and it was I. And if I can forgive him, hence all the stuff he has put me / is putting me through, then surely no one else needs to gossip, talk vice versa. And if that no one is my best friend talking with the guy I detest, about how I much I lost it... No one has the right to judge me about my love life. I have loved, been loved and I was happy. Short it may have been, I have shared some of my happiest moments with him.  It is love,  it is often without thinking. So yes, I acted carefree, and who is to judge me? I'm at ease with my memories and if I knew that he was going to be such a jerk and leave my like that, even than I would have dated him. Yes. I would. 
I have every right to be upset. I'm a human and an emotional one at that. But by friend I understand by my side, not oppose.

And yes. That is how fucking pissed I am.

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