girl reading by ourescape

(no subject)

I got into the University of North Carolina Greensboro for library sciences. No info about financial aid yet, so I'm waiting to hear about that to decide if I go or not. Big choices coming up. I would like to get out of Richmond... we'll see.
girl reading by ourescape

mental health system woes

After having a panic attack at work, I decided to call a psychiatrist, figuring I really am depressed and anxious, and that I need to get my life together and all that jazz. So after seeing her, she tells me that she thinks I might be bipolar because none of the meds I've taken before have worked for me. WTF? I've never had a manic phase or hypomania, ever. And I don't think you can judge how well different meds have or haven't worked, since it's been a long time since I've taken anything. I don't even remember how most things made me feel, and I've only tried maybe 3 different meds. Plus, that's not even taking into account my diet and exercise (or lack of it) and how those might make me feel. So she put me on Remeron, an antidepressent that works differently from most, which so far has just made me so tired that I missed hanging out with friends last night. It also apparently causes weight gain because it makes people crave sugar and carbs. Like I don't love those already. Being fat and missing out on good times because you're always tired, sounds like a great way to become happier! So, even though she seemed to believe that if this doesn't work I'm automatically bipolar, I'm thinking I'm not going to stay on it. I did set up an appointment with my old therapist, so hopefully he'll be able to help both my general mental health and in dealing with this psychiatrist lady (even though she did tell me not to see him specifically, because Dustin used to see him years ago. The only therapist I've ever had who I liked and got along with. No way am I trying to find another one). Oh, also, she (like everyone else it seems) didn't want me to take Xanax, but then she gave me Ativan (but only enough for 2 weeks). Two issues with this: how can I know how well Remeron is working if I'm always on Ativan? and, why hate on Xanax if you're just going to give me another "band-aid"? Everyone says Xanax is so addictive, however, I've had it in my possession for quite awhile and only take it when I need it (maybe once a week, if that). So why can't these doctors just trust me to take a drug that works once a week or less, so I have zero side effects and I'm happier? My regular doc might keep giving me Xanax if I ask, and it's not like I'd need to ask often (once every 2 months or so).
girl reading by ourescape

Morrissey takes his shirt off, the people applaud.

How can you not be in awe of Morrissey? His career is based around the irony of songs that insist "there is nothing I could do to make you mine" when in fact most everyone in that audience would probably carve "Moz" into their chests if he wanted them to (off topic: new metal band idea? Do Anything for Morrissey?). The girl standing next to me at the concert kept turning her phone camera around to film her boyfriend. WHY? MORRISSEY IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU AND IS A MILLION TIMES THE MAN YOUR BOYFRIEND WILL EVER BE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? At one point he did such a good job of standing on stage looking cool I applauded him just for that. And for his hair. Great hair. His encore was "Irish Blood, English Heart." I love that song.

(Sidenote: there appears to be a video on youtube of t.A.T.u. singing "How Soon is Now." That would be fake Russian lesbians singing The Smiths. I know some of you people will find that vaguely enraging, but also quite arousing as well.) (All right, watching it, I'm not thinking the lesbiansism makes up at all for their voices singing this song.)

At the show we ran into one of Ashby's friends who lives in D.C. and ended up going with him to Penny Lane Pub to play pool. Which we are all pretty horrible at doing. One of my old high school classmates recognized me, then had a discussion with Ashby's friend about guys shaving their heads as they go bald. And, very coincidently, Stephen showed up (Stephen being my friend who's moving to Chicago today). Very happy I got to see him one last time before he left.

So all in all, a satisfying evening.
girl reading by ourescape

(no subject)

I don't think I ever mentioned it, but I got an interview at Play, the creativity consulting firm I applied to for an internship. I am nervous. And excited. It's Monday. Maybe I'll just write the word "INNOVATE" on my forehead in Sharpie. That'll get me the internship, I'm sure.

(You know, it probably would.)
girl reading by ourescape

trying to figure out what to do with my life

As the title indicates, I've been trying to figure out what to do with my life. At dinner with my friend Stephen last night we discussed the fact that neither of us ever had some idea of a career. Some set life plan. Like those kids who wanted to be doctors and pharmacists and lawyers since they were 5 and got a stethoscope/good drugs/into an argument and found their calling. Not us. Not me. I'm 99% sure I won't go back for the rest of my literature M.A. If I'm not sitting here reading Barthes and Bakhtin for fun, I shouldn't be in that program. Yeah, I'm sure I could BS it. Get mostly As, if not all, pass the comps. But I wouldn't even be getting much practical out of it in the end. I didn't have a teaching assistantship, so I'm not getting that experience, and I don't want to teach college, in fact, I hate public speaking. With a passion. Terrified of it. So no. So, not that. So then what? I've been looking at several things.

Library School. Still not sure what's up with Greensboro. Who knows when I'll find out. They lost 2 of my rec letters, so those had to be sent again. Sigh.

Elementary education. Perhaps a surprise to those who know me, but I actually really enjoy working with little kids. They're always new. Even when they're being naughty and tough and whiney they're interesting and most of the time quite fun. This would entail more VCU. I already have a B.A. in a liberal arts subject, which is a plus. But it would still probably be 3-4 more semesters. I would get an M.A. out of it, I believe. More money, but living off of student loans is a good living. I wrote to the dean of the school to set up an advising appointment. Hopefully that will happen soon.

Massage therapy/hair dressing. I'd actually considered this as a kid, but the whole college-track thing led to me never doing it. More up-front money, but I'd have a trade. I like working with my hands. I'm not too sure how this one works, at least here in Richmond. I know of at least one massage school that does 6 or 12 month certifications. As far as hair, it seems like you can either go to school or get an apprenticeship or both (well, you have to get an apprenticeship at some point either way). But I don't know anything about hair cutting schools around here.

Some other trade. The community college has a fair amount of stuff to choose from, from welding to medical transcription (Jordan's mom had that job and it seemed tedious but she got to work at home and take naps. Awesome). Money, but not as much as VCU. Applying to the community college, which is annoying in and of itself. Not being sure of what exactly I'd want to do. I mean, unless I'm going into auto repair or computers seems like I'd be better of doing hair.

I've also applied to two internships, one with a tiny publishing house here in Richmond and one with a consulting firm that's fucking awesome, also here in RVA. Hopefully one or both of those will work out. I had an interview with the publishing place that went quite well. They aren't really paid, but it's great experience, especially the consulting one.

My dad was talking to me about me buying a house, helping me buy one I mean. Paying for the down payment. Very up in the air, of course. Probably won't happen. But if I don't get into Greensboro I'll probably talk to him about it again. Figure out what option to go with and try to set a plan.
  • Current Music
    MGMT - Control Yourself
girl reading by ourescape


I have not written in awhile. I've been trying to keep a journal/scrapbook/art journal thingy, which I find easier to write in than both a normal journal and my LJ. Through that I've gotten interested in art journaling and mixed-media collages, which is similar to the painting/scrapbooking interests my friend Julia has, so we've started hanging out and doing art projects together. Ashby used to journal more, and he's resolved to start again. We're planning on collaborating on something, not sure what yet.

I have a new job. The furniture store I was working at didn't need more than 3 people, so they kept me on payroll but told me I wouldn't be scheduled for awhile. So I got a job at a small restaurant. It's been pretty good so far. Hours aren't bad, people seem cool, and I should be getting more evening waitress and bar training once I've been there awhile and the warmer weather starts up again.

Beyond that, I've just been laying back. Rock climbing, hanging out with friends, applying to library programs. Not sure when I'll start hearing back. Hopefully before too long.