If you don't believe in a higher power, you're not paying attention.
I passed love notes out today. I roamed Walmart with a friend, writing love notes on post-its and sticking them all over. I placed one in a diet book - "I love you the way you are." I placed one on a canvas - "I love that you're artistic." I didn't place nearly enough, but it was a start. I wanted someone to find them and feel better, feel, well... loved. Even if it was coming from some anonymous slip of paper.
I returned to my car to find that I received a note in return.
At first I thought the slip of paper with a name, address and phone number was someone's information left after they hit my car. Then I saw the name: "Reverend Leonard Newlin"... then under the address the phrase: "I saw the back of your car..." The back of my car has gay stickers. I sighed. I did not want to be preached to. Then I turned it over. "I'm an openly gay minister," It read. "Church is open to all. Have a good day."
Love notes for love notes. I felt the love I had wanted to give. I will be sending Rev. Newlin a letter of my thanks.
I have been very frustrated and tried recently, and I find myself scrabbling and squabbling. Despite all of my well-meant efforts, I still suffer a downward spiral. It's very tiring, and I wonder what I have done to deserve this.
That's what's bringing on this... passage.
I always laugh at people who say religion is an easy out. Truly, they have never met someone who has put their brain behind their faith. Being religious (or spiritual, which I will say is a synonym) is a constant battle. I am not saying that the Christians are oppressed (the Jews are!). I am saying that the world is ugly and cruel, things that normally don't support the idea of a benevolent God.
Bad things happen... all the time, and one has to wonder why would God allow it? At least, that's the question I hear all the time from people. "If there is a God, why do bad things happen?" They always find the answer to be so confusing, and it is! There are horrible things because God loves us. God wants us to grow. God is testing us.
Think of it this way: you are 5 and you have a pet goldfish. It is your most dear friend. It dies. What does this tragedy do to you? What does it teach you? You learn about death and about life. You learn that life is precious.
You learn. You grow.
With every trial, every bad thing that happens... one is meant to learn. If one is a fool, then there is no wisdom gained, nothing achieved. Every hit sent towards you, towards mankind as a collective, is meant to make us stronger, smarter, more aware. Everything is a learning process. Everything.
I feel awful that some people lose their faith in God after a horrible happening. Through destruction comes creation. One must hold tight.
I must hold tight. There is a reason this is happening. There is something I must learn. And I know, every step that I take downward is another that I can take back up again, as soon as I earn the strength.