YEP, THATS HOW TO PUT IT.
YEP, THATS HOW TO PUT IT.
i feel like all i can do is keep typing away what i feel.
type type away away...
i want to hope that it will all work out........because i think this deserves a chance.
oh, please oh please. i hope we can find the perfect balance.
its so hard for me to focus lately & write proper sentences. there is just so much going on in my head.
i'm ecstatic, surprised, hopeful, weary, exhausted, upset all at the same time.
it never gets easier. and my thoughts definitely never allow it.
&& still reminiscing.
WOOW. i know, new year, new me. i can only hope. so far, 2008 has treated me well. i was sick like 2 days before the 31st, but i slept it off and was able to hang out with liz and co half the night and then with stace , mark and the irish crew. it was a very nice chill night. the past 3 days i went to sarah to visit kevin who lives right on south beach and it was such a great time. it was one of the first times i was able to enjoy miami beach with friends and not worry about a thing, like a mini holiday! and not to mention i kissed a very adorable british boy, i told him he was my makeup new years kiss :)
so of course, the new year always gets everything to thinking about what to do differently in their lives. up until my graduation from UCF on Dec 14, everything was just the same: stressed by classes, stuck at my job, usually broke, and same ridiculous situation with guys. Now that I am done with UCF and in a new year, i KNOW that something big will happen in my life. I've always felt that I have the power to make what i want with my life, and now that the time is here, i wont lie, it is quite daunting. so many decisions to be made, where do i live? where do i work? do i go back to grad school? what do i study?
as you know, writing is what helps me to properly map out my thoughts (which are usually extremely jumbled and nonsensical)
so lets see, my options:
1. i can stay here with my lease until March, move back to Pines with my Mum. Save up money ( I wouldn't have to pay rent), and in august, move to NYC.
2. renew a lease, find a magazine job around this area, move into a house with stace (maybe monica) by downtown, and after a year or two in orlando, move.
3. stay in orlando till the end of the year, find a related job to help me save up ALOT of money, and in the spring of 2009, look into graduate schools, in NYC and London.
to be honest, number 3 has become my favorite so far. It'll allow me to stay in Orlando, with my friends that i love dearly, and in a city that ive come to really enjoy. I can stay in a relatively cheaper city, save a lot of money, and continue schooling in London (my favorite city in the world).
I can't even begin to think about how 2 years in London would be like, but it just seems like thats what is meant to be, it always has.
i will continue to update of graduate programs search, and i need to plan to take the GRE as well.
oh yeah, and since its a new year, i am obviously going to lose weight and exercise more :)
things can be okay.
i hate being so lonely.
yeah, its halloween. i got dressed up. and i have NOWHERE to go. no friends to go with. i feel kinda sad.
this is lame. i just want to fall asleep right now so i dont have to wish i was somewhere else.