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Sandpaper tears corrode the film [entries|friends|calendar]

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[25 Jul 2009|02:29am]
[ mood | distressed ]

Ten years. Ten fucking years, and you choose to let boys come between us. I've given up every friend that I've ever had for you. And it was all a waste, look where we ended up. I was there for you when you had no one else. I let you stay with me when you had no where to go. If you needed anything ever you knew you could come to me and you did and I was always there. All the partying and late nights, was a waste. I've out grown it and yet all you can think about still is getting fucked up.
I never should have trusted anything you said to me. A real friend wouldn't have said half the shit you did anyways or keep all the things you kept from me. If this is the way that ten years of friendship is going to end then so be it. I can accept it. Its your lose anyways. I was more of a friend to you then you could have ever been to me. I hope you realize one day what you've let pass you by and what you've lost.

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[03 Jan 2009|09:05pm]
Why is moving on and growing up so hard to do?
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[22 Dec 2008|11:18am]
Why do i keep letting myself fall for you? Will i never learn from what ive already been through?
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[02 Oct 2008|10:02pm]
I feel like I'm walking in circles. I've spent the month of September in isolation from all of the familiar things in my life. I've been doing more things on my own with new people, and it's been really nice but at the same time I miss how things used to be. I've been completely clean now for 3 weeks, and to be honest I'd forgotten what it was like to be sober. Everything seems so perfect, and sensations seem so much stronger and clearer, I love it. I recently went on a date with this kid from work, who knows pretty much my whole past, and he was telling me how proud he is that I've cleaned up. I feel like a whole new person, better, stronger and proud, and I think people can sense that. But, at the same time, my past is always with me. It's always urging me to smoke, drink, pop, anything to get a new state of mind. I get goose bumps from just thinking about it, and that scares me. I never thought cleaning up would be hard. I always told myself that I could stop whenever I wanted, I wasn't addicted to anything, but now I'm not so sure. I just want to prove everyone wrong, show them that I am capable of changing and improving myself. Show them that I can grow up and hold my own, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to grow up.
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[18 Jul 2008|04:20pm]
No regrets.
Its all in good fun.
Its been tough keeping you off my mind, but I decided it was fun while it lasted so why dwell on it and miss whats happening now.
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[29 Jun 2008|07:42pm]
I'm good at fucking things up, i know that. I messed up before but somehow i won you back. Im so fucking happy i won you back. But like always i messed it up again. This time i didnt get lucky and get you back. For some reason i let you go, i let you walk out of my life and everyday since then i think about what could have been. I kill myself with the what if's and i dont even know why. Maybe i shouldnt have even gotten into the whole situation. What am I to do now though....obviously nothing.
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[06 May 2008|02:56am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Things are getting a lot better than they were a month ago, even a week ago. I feel like i'm really moving forward for the first time in five months and it's an amazing feeling.
I've never really regretted anything i've done in my past but I finally feel like i'm okay with everything. Maybe I wasn't before, i dont know but I know that I definitly am now. I wouldn't trade any of the people i've currently met or any of the things i've recently done for the world. I'm also putting a lot more effort than I have been all year to make things right with my friends. It may not be enough effort but at least i'm trying, right?
I'm really happy right now and I hope things keep improving.

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[30 Mar 2008|08:39pm]
[ mood | blank ]

I'm not asking for your acceptance, so please stop judging me.

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[24 Mar 2008|08:52pm]
Honestly, please tell me what I was thinking this weekend!
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[03 Mar 2008|04:07pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

I need to figure out my life. Nothing is making sense anymore.

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[30 Jan 2008|08:40pm]
Why can't everyone just stop talking shit.
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[16 Jan 2008|08:15pm]
I'm happy
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[19 Dec 2007|07:43pm]
3 more exams and i'm free for two weeks to do whatever the fuck I want.
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[08 Dec 2007|08:24pm]
Everything's going so wrong and I don't know what to do.
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[12 Nov 2007|07:02pm]
I realize that I do a lot of stupid things, but in no way am I a stupid person. I act on impulse and over think things that don't even matter. I try too hard to impress people that I feel have potential in my life. I try hard not to disappoint the people I love, but it never turns out right. I procrastinate until I have no time left for anything. I spend a good sixty percent of my life asleep and fill my body with way too much caffeine. I drink until I can't walk anymore, and smoke until I can't process a thought. I over plan my weekends, but always end up doing the same thing with the same people. I'm a hypocrite in every way imaginable. I sing creepy rap songs constantly, and always have a good story to tell. I don't let people down often, but when I do I try to make up for it. I laugh myself through my days and don't take anything serious. Nothing you ever say could phase me, I'm the queen of creepy statements. I'm working on compose myself in public situations, and not scaring people off. I never thought I would be the person I am today even 6 months ago, and it's scary to think of. I don't even know if I like the change, but I'm pretty sure the people around me don't.
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[10 Oct 2007|08:37pm]
I need motivation and someone to help get my life back on track.
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[24 Aug 2007|06:34pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I dont know what to write in here anymore.

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[13 Aug 2007|02:31pm]
I got a job at mcdonalds.
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[05 Aug 2007|06:28pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Here's to buying obscene amounts of clothes in less than a day.

5 comments|post comment

[11 Jul 2007|10:40pm]
This summer is amazing, and I'm so excited that there's still plenty of time left to make it even better.
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