Yikes. First fic in over a year. Not a few days ago i was thinking of deleting my journal and all my fics. Then today the urge strikes to write another. Odd that. God I've forgotten how to work this thing...
Title: Making good of it.
Author: Fishyz (email@example.com
Summary: A jealous impulse brings out the truth.
Making good of it.
A part of him knew that this was perhaps not the best way to go about things. But having never been in a situation of caring before, of feeling a tightening in the chest and something akin to actual fear, his rash behaviour had, in this instance, clear say over common sense. And really, could he be blamed after having seen what he’d seen? No, he felt not. An obvious (if not slightly over the top?) message was needed here. A message to Erestor perhaps more then that smug, self satisfied tree dwelling elf from Lorien.
Glorfindel growled beneath his breath at the mere thought of him. Chief advisor, dignitary, hailing from Lorien on behalf of Galadriel and someone whom, unbeknown to him, had been corresponding with Erestor for some years now. In a personal manner no less. He hadn’t read the letters, he couldn’t bring himself to invade Erestor’s privacy in such a way, no matter how tempting. But when quickly shoving a couple changes of clothes (six or seven) into the councillor’s wardrobe when said elf was absent from his rooms, he had knocked something over in the dark wardrobe and letters had scattered at his feet.
All had been in the same handwriting, handwriting he had seen before and recognised from his own working day. He counted forty eight in all, and had come close to opening one, had certainly tried the old fabled method of holding it up to the light to read, but had at the last resisted. Erestor would not keep documents, and correspondence from an official source in his own rooms if they were not personal, if they had not been addressed specifically to him. The fact that they had been tucked away was enough to make him uneasy.
He hated their casual banter, how at ease they were in each others presence. There was a friendship there that was perhaps as long and meaningful as their own. But it was more then that. This elf, this tall, handsome and, he had to admit, this very intellectually superior elf (in regards to himself at least), had a certain look in his eyes when regarding his lover.
Could he call Erestor his lover? It had all happened by accident really. A simmering heat between them had been more or less stumbled upon by the both of them. They had always been friends, good friends. He loved the darkly clad elf’s sense of humour - dry and to the bone. He was sarcastic without being obnoxious. He was all around, the very best sort of company one could hope for. It had not been until one evening some nine months ago that he had realised that, respect and affection had formed into attraction. And what was surprising and, convenient he supposed, (he had never handled a an unrequited attraction well) was that Erestor had seemed to of come to the same conclusion or realisation more or less at the same moment. The same, heart stopping, drunken moment.
It was nothing special really, no night of particular relevance. They had been in Glorfindel’s rooms, in his sitting room, sharing a brandy, sitting - laughing, by the fire whilst getting pleasantly merry. The fire had begun to die down.
“Ah, let me get that.”
He had stood, and to his embarrassment nearly teetered as he walked over to the fire, and reached for a small log and the stoker.
“Don’t want you shivering, do we.” He had said with a teasing grin, his attention on the fire. Erestor’s eyes had narrowed, a menacing smile pulling at the advisor’s lips.
“So quick to make assumptions, you lot. Aren’t you?”
“You lot?” Glorfindel said with a pointed look as he knelt down on one knee, fearing he may fall on his rear if he did not do so. He really could not hold his drink that well. Pathetic.
“Yes,” he replied and stood with brandy still in hand, and walked to a nearby bookcase (an all together rather scarce bookcase) to examine the spines.
Glorfindel found that oddly intimidating, he would never admit to it, but he did. One thing he had respected about the other elf from the get go had been his keen intellect, eloquence and shear knowledge of near enough… everything.
“Yes, you lot.” He repeated. He turned then, and looked so damned cheeky as he did so that Glorfindel could not help but smile himself.
“You assume that, because you do not see me out on the practice fields when you are there, that I live in my office, all work, work, work. There‘s more to me then you think.”
“For some reason, I do not doubt you.” The sight of Erestor, with a glint in his dark eyes, slowly heading back towards the fire and where Glorfindel still crouched unnerved him for some reason. He quickly returned his attention to the now more then adequate fire, and reached for another log.
“You tend to think that I could not even lift a sword, let alone wield one.”
“Now I have never thought that.” His reply was met by silence and a raised brow. “Well I at least know you can lift one.”
“Gracious of you.” Erestor lifted his glass in thanks and took a sip. “But do you honestly think,” he continued, and moved to stand before Glorfindel whose attention was still on the fireplace, “that I would not weigh more then a mumak if I did not take some exercise regularly?”
Glorfindel laughed, “well, you do eat like a sparrow.”
“Nothing to do with it. I run, I work my arms and stomach - cover all bases just so as not to become, shall we say, wobbly around the edges.”
“No one could accuse you of..” he turned his head, and faltered slightly when realising he was a little closer to Erestor then he had expected. To his crotch in particular. He quickly looked away, how foolish that Erestor should make him feel flushed for any reason. “..of being anything other then .. ahm…well, you know…” he petered off quietly, suddenly embarrassed.
He had felt Erestor look at him then. He had felt the quick and unexpected shift of the mood in the room. And he had known Erestor had felt it too. He had sensed Erestor’s movements, how the advisor looked down at himself, noting the proximity, the sudden quiet, and how he had not moved away. He had felt Erestor kneel beside him, and swallowed, he had no reason to be looking into the fire. He turned, and Erestor was looking at him in an odd way. It was hesitant. Unassuming but… curious.
“I think of myself as quite…as distinctly..” he shrugged slightly, his voice was quiet, a little deeper. Their eyes, firmly on each others, “male. Masculine, in my way.” His hand, the one holding the glass gestured slightly as he said this, and a few drops of brandy landed on his shirt.
His tunic had been removed earlier, and he wore now only a pair of dark leggings and a cream shirt, open at the top, exposing the neck and a low ‘V’ of the chest. To anyone else he would look simply comfortable - casual. His feet were bare, his sleeves rolled up, his hair, pitch dark and shining near the fire light, was held back by one loose tie. Casual was how it looked, but not how it suddenly felt.
Erestor looked, and touched where the drops had landed and were bleeding into the fabric, right near the first fastening. His fingers brushed the stain, and moved slowly to the tie, and pulled. The fastening popped open silently, and lent an almost forbidden air to the room as Glorfindel heard his own breath rasp. He closed his mouth immediately.
The advisor did it in such a slow way that, he seemed almost dazed himself. As if surprised by his own actions as the ‘V’ of his shirt expanded, and more of his chest - a good chest - was exposed.
“I’ve always appreciated the.. male form,” Erestor’s voice masked a shudder that ran through him.
His hand still held open the shirt as he watched Glorfindel - looked down at the elf who rested on one shin as he kneeled slightly above him. He watched his stare, turning indigo as he pulled again at the loose fastenings, and saw the Captain swallow as a pectoral was exposed, and the beginning of modest abdominal muscles.
“What of you?”
Glorfindel pulled his gaze away and met Erestor’s eyes, and the other question that lay within them.
“What..” Glorfindel began, his voice more husky then he had heard in a long time, “what of me?” Erestor lifted his chin slightly in a nod. “What I appreciate?”
“I’ve never really known.”
“I appreciate..” And it hit him. They were unexpectedly at a fork in the road, that this evening, no different from any other, had for some reason reshaped their friendship into something else. Something terrifying, something quite possibly… good. Something without a doubt erotic. It could go one of two ways, it could go very wrong, or very, very right. There was nothing to do but to let instincts lead the way.
“I appreciate,” he began again, shifting onto both knees and rising slightly so as to be eye level with him. He realised for the first time that he was probably an inch or two taller then Erestor. Heavier, definitely holding more bulk and muscle, but not in an overly obvious manner. Though not entirely equal in stature, it seemed a perfect fit. The two of them, kneeling as they were, light to dark, cream to tanned, the slightly larger to the beautiful yet challengingly masculine before him.
“I appreciate a good body,” he was still out of his depths but felt confident in what he spoke. “Firm legs,” his palms touched the sides of Erestor’s thighs, and he heard a quick intake of breath. “Good for gripping,” he husked, looking Erestor in the eye. There was still an uncertainty between them, but it was an uncertainty of doing something that had not been considered before.
“A firm backside,” his hands were gentle and not demanding, simply testing the waters as they ever so gently skimmed the shape of his rear. He smiled “for obvious reasons.”
Erestor laughed quietly, and there was something endearing about the way the darkly elf was looking at him. Unsure of their actions, but with trust.
Glorfindel’s hands gently tugged the shirt tails from the leggings, unable to cup the bulge between firm thighs as he desired to in fear of pushing for too much too soon. He was enjoying this slow exploration. They were both silent as he began to pull at the remaining fastenings, and Glorfindel wet his lower lip as he pulled the shirt slowly apart, and just over Erestor’s shoulders so as to keep his arms at his sides so as to give a full, completely exposed front view of Erestor’s torso.
It was an arousing sight. Erestor, kneeling before him, his arms to his sides, shoulders, a nice width, something he could just about comfortably close himself around from behind if he wished. His chest, rising and falling more quickly as the Captain took his time, taking it all in. Tow nipples, pale pink and perfect, on nicely formed, slightly raised pectorals. A flat stomach, save for the slight raise and fall, the slight outline of abdominal muscle beneath pale creamy skin. The indentations of his hips that led to just below his low riding leggings. In other words not a wobbly bit in sight.
“I appreciate a body like this,” he looked Erestor in the eyes, dark brown, warm, aroused and welcoming.
The backs of his fingers traced Erestor’s flat stomach, and a smile tugged at his lips when feeling a small shudder quickly repressed by Erestor. “A beautiful, male specimen.”
Erestor’s eyes had closed as those fingers had skimmed his stomach, but sensing Glorfindel’s gaze, he opened them to meet it.
“I rather like to take the lead, Erestor. I suppose you might of assumed that about me?”
A slight shrug of one shoulder was all Erestor could manage, and a tendril of dark hair fell forward from it’s loose tie. They were unbearably close, and Glorfindel could see the beginnings of a trickle of sweat forming in the hollow of Erestor’s throat and hoped, that it might have been from more then the closeness of the hungry fire beside them.
“Would you like to know what I desire, Erestor?”
“Yes,” Erestor let out in a deep, unsteady breathe.
“I do desire the male body. But they can vary so, don’t you think?”
Erestor gave no reply, so he continued. And as he did so the backs of his fingers continued to stroke, ever so teasingly, gently.
“For example, though I have always been aware of how obviously handsome you are,” and he paused to smile as Erestor unexpectedly suppressed a somewhat bashful smile of his own. “I had no idea that you were hiding…” both hands moved to Erestor’s sides, just above the hips, and held him there, “..this. You have a beautiful body.”
His hands stroked around to Erestor’s lower back, and up and down his sides in slow movements. Just feeling their way. “Though I appreciate the male form, I am quite particular over who’s it is I decide to get to know better.”
Erestor raised a brown in question, it was not mocking or disbelieving, simply questioning. This was something, as friends, that they had never really shared with one another.
“A soldiers body, like mine, though I might find it appealing, is not what I might think of as perfect for me.” Erestor frowned slightly, so he continued. “They’re just like me Erestor,” he explained with a small shrug, “and who wants that?”
“Me, for one.” Erestor replied immediately, both paused, and then smiled at how ridiculous it was that they should feel suddenly shy of each other when they had never felt anything close to the sort for all the time they’d know each other.
“Well, thank you. But it’s not right for me. Too much of the same, or of what I’m used to looking at. And as beautiful as I find the fairer sex, they are perhaps a little too soft, too curved for me. If possible, I go for something in between, yet distinctly male, of course.” He looked Erestor directly in the eye, and grew serious, “I like a male who likes to be bedded,” he spoke, “but can give as good as he gets.”
Erestor groaned in the back of his throat. “And what might I be?” He whispered, looking him directly in the eye as he began to shrug off the shirt that had kept his arms until now at his sides. Glorfindel growled quietly at the sight of Erestor rolling his shoulders, and two nicely firm biceps coming into view.
“I think…I think you are the in between. Firm, masculine, a mix of beautiful and handsome. A body I can…” he wet his bottom lip again, “a body that can be taken, ravaged. A body I can hold tenderly, curl myself around…”
Erestor’s smile was enough to show that it was the right thing to say, a compliment, and not an assertion of dominance. One of the warrior’s hands trailed up to the centre of the dark elf’s chest, the other staying at his hip. His hand stayed there, his thumb gently rubbing. “I like a good heart,” he said sincerely.
Glorfindel could feel Erestor leaning closer, their brows nearly touching. His hand continued up, skimming a graceful neck, and gently cupping his face as the advisor’s hands settled at his own waist, slowly pulling at his shirt. His thumb gently traced his cheek bone, and thick lashes fluttered and impossibly dark eyes regarded him intensely. He gently pushed that stray lock of hair behind a delicately pointed ear.
“Kind eyes…” He whispered.
And that was the last they spoke that evening, coherently at least, and for some time. Erestor took the initiative and closed in on that kiss that had been hanging between them so promisingly.
It had been wonderful. It happened right there on the rug beside the fire, they hadn’t even moved to the bedroom. It had been shockingly natural, no awkward pauses or silences, no fumbling. Even after, in the morning, it had been unnerving but an enjoyable experience of waking together. Trying to detect the others feelings, their thoughts. Looking for regret or remorse, and finding none. Just an exhilarating, almost exciting feeling of realising that they actually really wanted each other, and felt wanted and alive because of it.
That was not exactly how he felt now. If he were to be honest, for the first time in this… relationship? He felt foolish, perhaps second best to another. Namely, this Lothlorien elf who worried him so. It was not a physical thing, although he begrudgingly admits that yes, perhaps he was attractive, pale in colour, much like Erestor. A light blond colouring, as apposed to his golden. Challenging, intelligent, icy blue eyes. He was attractive, his stature perhaps more alike to his own then Erestor’s. Yet it wasn’t his ‘looks’ that he felt threatened by. It was his relationship with Erestor.
He had no idea that they had kept in-touch outside of a professional manner. And he had no idea, that when he and a small number of his soldiers would travel to meet the visitors and then return, that Erestor, among others, would be waiting in the courtyard to greet them.
At first he had felt oddly pleased, and then on quick reflection, felt foolish for thinking that Erestor would come to greet him after a rather standard and short trip. He had then felt bewildered, and then oddly betrayed when, without so much as a look his way, Erestor had stepped forward to meet this elf, not with a bow of the head, but with a warm smile and an embrace.
How happy was he, that he had the pleasure of witnessing their first actual meeting after a number of years corresponding as friends. He hadn’t so much as mentioned him. And that was what was confusing - worrying.
Though, if he were to be truly honest with himself, what worried him most, was that he felt for the first time, that another elf was capable of interrupting whatever it was that had developed between them over the past several months. And for all the world he didn‘t want that. He was terrified of losing it. And again, for the first time it felt possible, because this elf seemed to have something that he did not - had something in common with Erestor that he did not.
Intellectually they were made for one another. One will begin a sentence regarding some dusty old scripture in the library, only for the other to nod hid head and finish it. Glorfindel would watch in growing anxiety as this elf would ‘innocently’ touch Erestor’s elbow, the middle of his back, his shoulder. All smiles and deep discussions.
Glorfindel was no simple elf, a person does not live as long as he has to be ignorant of the world. Yet the scholars route had never appealed to him. The outside, people, the wind in his hair as he rode his horse, the gentle swaying of the trees in summer, getting drunk with a good friend! That had always been more then enough for him. His early years having been anything but, he now had a respect for the simple and was not ashamed of it. And Erestor had always teased him from day one. Not unkindly of course, he had always referred to him as one of the blessed. One who appreciated all that was to be offered to him right on his door step.
Glorfindel, though having never taken offence and thought it to be a fair enough comment, now wondered as to Erestor’s true feelings. Did he grow bored of their discussions? Their time spent together? He had thought they were just getting started. He sighed and his posture slumped. He felt a moron for sitting there, for doing this. Especially if it was all in his head, he would feel awfully embarrassed. But he had to know, never once had he acted cowardly or backed down from a challenge, and if that was in fact what this elf represented, he would not be found wanting.
He had let himself into Erestor’s rooms, which was easily enough done as the elf felt no need to lock his doors. He sat perched on the side of Erestor’s bed, feet on the floor, shoulders slumped in a manner he felt must look pitiful. His hands hung cupped loosely between his knees and he waited for them to come back. He had removed his shoes, his shirt, and mused his hair ever so, so as to give himself a sleep tousled appearance. Erestor would be confused as to why he would choose his rooms for a mid-day nap, but this other elf would hopefully get the message loud and clear. That being of course, that he was welcome to let himself in, remove his shoes and wander about , chest bare. Perhaps he would of not felt compelled to do this, had he found this elf’s tunic in Erestor’s sitting room.
His heart jumped into his throat when hearing the door open, and laughing voices enter. He stood, then sat again, not wanting to confront them straight away, and so to give the impression that their laughing had awoken him. After a few more seconds of listening to their conversation he did not care to hear, he got up, made sure his hair was slightly ruffled, and walked bleary eyed from the bedroom.
It was the Lothlorien elf who spotted him first. His expression was one of surprise, puzzlement, and then understanding. A small smile appeared as he raised one brow and greeted him.
“Hello again, Glorfindel, is it?”
Erestor turned just in time to see Glorfindel bristle at the question, he knew good and well his name.
“Glorfindel?” Erestor asked, walking towards the warrior and frowning as he took in his state of half dress. “What are you..?”
“I hope you don’t mind,” he interrupted and reached out a hand to gently touch Erestor’s face. “I left the keys to my rooms in my office, and your chambers were closer so..” he shrugged, as if it were quite natural for him to do this.
However, seeing Erestor frown at his reply he felt his stomach turn. If Erestor seemed put out by this it would make him appear foolish, and worst still, make him feel as if we would not be welcome to stake such a claim as to how welcome he was in these rooms. That would probably be too much to bare.
The small silence that ensued was uncomfortable, so doing his best to appear at ease, Glorfindel stretched above his head, his hands cupping together and his elbows bending. Incidentally this showed off a pear of impressive biceps, and stretched what he knew to be a hard, chiselled chest. He knew as much as Erestor had commented on in more then once whilst running his tongue along it.
“So have you had a productive day?” He half yawned.
Erestor frowned, and then realising what was running through the Captains mind, rolled his eyes. Ignoring this, Glorfindel turned the elf by the shoulders to face the other elf standing there with a rather bemused look upon his face, and wrapped one arm casually around Erestor’s waist as he stood behind him.
“Ah, yes, yes we have.” The other elf quickly gained his composure and smiled an unreadable smile. “We spent a large part of the day debating the subtleties of dwarf and western dialects, no doubt you would have much to say on the subject.”
Glorfindel’s pleasant expression hardened at the veiled insult. He replied as steadily as he could. “No doubt.”
Erestor had become rigid in his arms, and had Glorfindel been able, he would of seen the confused frown form on his brow at his companions remarks to his lover. He had no idea what was going on, but whatever it was it was utterly ridiculous.
“May I ask…” The Lothlorien elf began, “this may now sound a rather foolish question…”
“Don’t worry,” Glorfindel was quick to reply, and heard Erestor sigh.
“Are you two.. by any stretch of the imagination that is,” he laughed, “an item?”
“Yes.” Glorfindel replied firmly, “yes we are, why do you ask?”
“Glorfindel,” Erestor warned, his hand touching where the warrior’s rested now across his stomach, but he was now being ignored by the both of them.
“Simply that dear Erestor, and I, well we discuss practically everything in our correspondences . Everything..” he reiterated, “save you.” He frowned in mock confusion. “Not once were you mentioned, even in passing.” He shrugged casually.
It stung, and to his shame he did not know how to reply to that. He was too hurt. Judging by the fact that Erestor did not combat it, refute it in any way, it must be true. His grip loosened, and then fell away from Erestor, he turned, and with as much dignity as he could, returned to the bedroom and quietly closed the door.
“Glorfindel…” Erestor implored helplessly. He looked sadly at his closed bedroom door, before turning back to his companion.
“I..” he shook his head, unable to process what had just happened. He walked to the sitting room, retrieved the tunic they had in fact returned for, and gestured to the main door. “I need you to leave for a time.”
“Erestor, I’m sorry if..”
“Outside,” Erestor ordered, and followed the elf out and closed the door behind them. In the empty corridor they stood, silent for a moment.
“I feel I need to make clear that yes, Glorfindel and I are an item.”
“I never mentioned it to you in our letters because…well,” Erestor glanced back at the door where Glorfindel fumed somewhere within, and then ran his hands over his face. “I didn’t mention it because… well, until a few moments ago I was not entirely sure where I stood with that damned elf myself. Now I think I might. We’ve never really shared that we’re at item with anyone, never really discussed it ourselves, and…” he sighed, and tapped the middle of his chest, over his heart, “he’s important to me, you know?”
The other elf was quiet a moment, and sighed before bowing his head and nodding. “Yes, I think I can see that.”
Erestor tilted his head, his tone apologetic, “did I some how… lead you on..?”
“No, no.” He shook his head, meeting Erestor’s eyes, and managed an easy smile. “I think I just hoped, was all. I’ll admit I’m disappointed,” he laughed half heartedly, before liking his lips and frowning. “I haven’t.. have I just made serious trouble for you?” He gestured to the door, “In there? I know I got petty, it‘s not like me to get like that usually...”
Erestor shook his head. “It is not your fault my friend. Perhaps I should of read into your letters more and… well I didn’t mention him to you so..” Erestor sighed, then closed his eyes and groaned. “He’s just.. I find it hard to share what I hold closest to my heart. I am honestly very sorry for this”
He shook his head, “no apology needed,” and sighed, “I half wish I had not come to meet you in person,” he smiled brightly at Erestor’s disheartened look, “at least then I could of imagined you with boils all over your body.
Despite himself Erestor did laugh, and then they were quiet. Erestor regarded his friend with affection. “Well I am glad you came, it has been such a pleasure to speak with you in person. And I would love for you and Glorfindel to have a proper introduction. That’s if he’s still speaking with me of course.”
He chuckled, and nodded his head. “Yes I’d like that. And now..” he began to back away, “I think I should allow you to make amends in there.”
Erestor nodded, “thank you, and I will see you tomorrow, in the morning.”
They said good bye, and Erestor re-entered his chambers. He opened his bedroom door hesitantly, “Glorfindel?” he was met with a sorry site.
Glorfindel was pulling his shirt back over his head when he heard the bedroom door open. He felt ridiculous and embarrassed. He couldn’t quite look Erestor in the eye.
“I’m sorry, I know I’ve acted foolishly, probably embarrassed you in front of your friend. I shouldn’t of let myself in and I’ll be out of your way in a moment.” He didn’t have the heart to argue. He paused briefly, and then opened the wardrobe to retrieve his clothes.
“What are you doing?” Erestor asked sadly, he felt terrible. He’d never seen Glorfindel look so dejected.
“I… put these in here,” he shrugged, finally looking Erestor in the eye “saved time and… look I’m sorry, again, probably over stepped my bounds, I’m removing them, see?”
“Glorfindel,” Erestor started, annoyance edging into his voice, “I would have been happy for you to keep anything you like here, you had but to ask.” He looked to where Glorfindel had taken the clothes from, and a look of realization crossed his face. “You must of found my letters from him in there, oh what you must of thought.” He winced.
Glorfindel shook his head, “it doesn’t matter, I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Not so much now of course..”
“But that’s not fair!” The advisor objected. “Just because I keep a few letters..”
“Forty eight letters.”
Erestor paused, seeing how very hurt Glorfindel was, and approached the elf. He took the clothes from his hands, and ignoring the warrior’s protests, ungraciously threw them back into the wardrobe where they had been in the first place.
“Did you read them?”
“What? No of course not!”
“Alright, thank you. That’s something.” He sighed. “Glorfindel, does the fact that there’s forty eight of them not indicate to you that I knew him long before we began this relationship?”
“That is besides the point.”
“Because you still concealed it from me..”
“And why should I tell you I have a friend that you are unaware of?!”
“No, you should of informed me that I was not the only one who…who you’re..” he faltered, and blurted out the burning question, “is there anything other then friendship between you?”
Erestor took his hands in his own and looked him earnestly in the eye. “No Glorfindel. There is only you, has been only you since that first night.”
Glorfindel felt something akin to hope flutter in his chest. He had not known that. “I can admit the same.”
Erestor smiled. “I had wondered, but was perhaps afraid of asking.”
Wanting all of the truth, Glorfindel continued. “The letters… why were they hidden?”
“They were not,” Erestor frowned. “Do you keep letters out in the open? They were simply put away, that is all.”
“Why didn’t you tell me he was coming?”
“I only received message of his joining the Lothlorien party when you were already on your way back with them.”
The warrior frowned. “His tunic then, it was in your sitting room. I knew the two of you would come back for it..”
“Oh Glorfindel, how many times have you left something here? Even when we were just companions?”
“Yes, well…” there was still something that bothered him a great deal. He sat on the side of the bed. “You never mentioned me? Not once?” He looked to him in askance, and seeing Erestor sigh, he looked away. That had been the worst of it. “He loved throwing that in my face. And you were able to let him, because you never once mentioned me to him.”
“Glorfindel,” Erestor crouched in front of the warrior and placed his hands on his knees. “Look at me,” he demanded softly, “I did not mention you because we have never really discussed… I didn’t know if what we had was a sure thing. And not because of any uncertainty on my behalf, but perhaps because of my cowardice when it came to confronting you on the matter. I was unsure as to what your answer would be and to be honest… I don’t think I could bare to lose you, as a friend or lover.”
Erestor’s words were earnest, and he could see the truth in them. “I suppose that’s a fair enough comment, I haven’t told anyone either, though...”
“Though, I would perhaps like to? I don’t mean for us to announce it to everyone in passing,” he rushed on “indeed that’s the last thing - I mean simply that I want the pleasure,” he turned Erestor’s hands in his own and held them tightly, “the privilege, to be able to act freely with you, to.. Is this making sense?”
Erestor stood and climbed onto Glorfindel’s lap, one knee resting either side of the warrior’s hips. He smiled as Glorfindel’s arms automatically went around his middle, and he gently cupped his beautiful face and tilted it up to look him in the eye.
“Perfect sense. Glorfindel…” he half sighed, half laughed and brushed their lips gently together.
“I only worry…”
Erestor frowned, “you worry?”
“Erestor,” Glorfindel sighed, turning his face away slightly, yet not pulling away from the tender touch. He wanted out with it. “I only worry that I am not enough for you.” It was hard to admit, for he truly was not the self-pitying or self doubting type. “I see why it is you get on so well with that elf, you speak endlessly of things that I loose the thread of within minutes. And I am not feeling sorry for myself, I am not a simple person, I am proud of who I am and… and yet…”
Erestor’s insistent hands tilted his face back up so they could meet eye to eye. His voice was full of sadness when he spoke. “Have I ever made you feel this way? Glorfindel… if I have I am so sorry, I never..”
Glorfindel shook his head, already feeling some of the tension leaving him. “No, no you haven’t, it is only recently, since he arrived that I began to doubt… this feels foolish,” he laughed half heartedly. Meeting Erestor‘s eyes he asked something he had been asking himself ever since he arrived back with the Lothlorien visitors. “Have I been a jealous idiot? Have I put myself through this for nothing?” He asked softly, hopefully.
Erestor nodded earnestly, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I would never have you doubt yourself.”
Glorfindel sighed in relief, closed his eyes, tightened his arms around Erestor and nudged his nose into Erestor’s neck, taking in his scent. “Do you know I even went to the library to read up on some of what the two of you would discuss? I actually studied so I could join your discussions… not feel like the outcast..” he shook his head “how embarrassing, how pathetic..” he laughed, even has his cheeks filled with heat at the admission.
Erestor had never been so touched in all his life. Again he found himself blinking back a stinging in his eyes. “Oh sweetheart,” he managed in an unsteady voice, laughing softly and kissing the crown of his lovers head . “You will never cease to surprise me.”
Glorfindel held him closer, pressing his face back into the cook of the advisor’s neck, swallowing hard. “You do realise what this means?”
“Means somewhere between now and nine months ago, I fell pretty damn hard for you.”
Erestor froze for a moment, and pulled back to look Glorfindel in the eye. The warrior shrugged self consciously, heat rushing to his cheeks, but there was no lie in his words.
Erestor smiled a strained, crooked smile. His hands ran gently, if not shakily through Glorfindel’s hair as their brows gently touched. Erestor closed his eyes, and not trusting his voice, nodded his head.
“Is that a ‘me too’?” Glorfindel chuckled, though there was a definite quiver to his voice. Valar he had not cried in years, and was not about to now. He was not used to such intense feelings and felt the need to lighten the mood immediately.
“We really need to communicate a little better.”
Erestor managed to laugh at that, and nodded along. “Yes, yes we do.”
“Perhaps we should have less sex and more conversation.”
Erestor laughed loudly, and shook his head in exasperation. “Happy to have more conversation, but less sex is a definite no.”
“How about more of both?” Glorfindel asked, his voice taking on a deeper quality as his hands began to roam.
Erestor grinned, he was only to happy to agree, but first…“Glorfindel?”
“Hmm?” Glorfindel was already pressing soft kisses to the advisor’s neck.
“I want to say.. to just…”He licked his lips quickly, a sure sign he was nervous. “Here’s how it is. There’s three words I could say to you right now with complete sincerity. But how about this…” he continued, feeling the kisses to his neck suddenly stop at his words. But then he felt the warrior’s hold pull him closer, so that rather then being worried as to Glorfindel’s reaction, he in fact felt sure that he need not be.
“How about you bring a few more things over here, and perhaps I could do the same with your rooms until..” he looked down at Glorfindel and saw nothing but passion and want gazing back at him.
“Until?” Glorfindel husked.
“Until, I’m ready to say - and you’re ready to hear those words. Perhaps then we could make my rooms,” he stroked his fingers through silky gold strands, “make my rooms, and your rooms… our rooms?” Touching the tip of this thumb to Glorfindel’s lip, he wondered if it was too much too soon. “Please say I haven’t gone too far,” he whispered.
Glorfindel swallowed, shook his head and turned Erestor’s hand so as to be palm up. He kissed that palm tenderly. Frowning, breathing deeply to control his emotions, his jaw locked tight, and then he reached up, and with one hand at the nape of Erestor’s neck, his other arm locked tightly around his waist, he kissed him fervently. He lay back onto the bed slowly, taking Erestor with him, and both groaned into the kiss.
Passions mounted, clothes were pulled at and bodies began to rock and grind together as they moved across the bed. “I would have you say those words, I would hear them” he spoke between kisses, “were it not that I want to savour each second of sweet suspense.”
“Glorfindel!” Erestor gasped, clutching the warrior’s shoulders tightly.
“I will hear them” a deep kiss “and there will be no questions, no reservations..”
A choked cry escaped Erestor, and Glorfindel momentarily leaned up on both elbows, and gazed down at this lover who was breathing heavily, his dark hair spread out over the bed, his dark eyes dilated and full of need. He kissed him tenderly, “and then after, we will have between then, and the rest of our time to make good of it.”
Glorfindel smiled tenderly, brushed the backs of his knuckles against one flushed cheek. He leaned down to kiss Erestor, and pulled back slightly when Erestor strained to reach up.
“Shall we seal all of that with a kiss?”
“Want more then a kiss.”
He pulled Glorfindel down, rolled them over, and amidst the muffled laughter and groans, they did exactly that.