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Sep. 25th, 2011 @ 07:16 am shakespeare had his sonnets. i have love letters to okcupid
Current Mood: hornydating is hilariously sad
Current Music: Jackie Greene - Call Me, Corinna
Tags: ,

Excerpts from actual messages I have sent to unfamiliar women on OKCupid since January.

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cavestory
Feb. 20th, 2011 @ 02:12 am in which the two largest organs in kevin's body share a beer
Current Mood: synecdochic
Current Music: Artie Schroeck Implosion - Do You Believe In Magic
Tags: , ,
Two months ago, after one of his friends' shows, Kevin sticks around and chats with the band. He has a particularly pleasant conversation with the pianist, a petite, friendly gal with tulip tattoos on each arm and a red feather in her hair. She giggles and smiles whenever she looks at him, though she seems to do that for everybody--Kevin can't really tell if she favors him in particular. When the next few bands come up she and Kevin sit by each other, whispering to each other, and Kevin discovers that underneath her bubbly exterior is a deep weariness--the flip side of the adventurousness that comes with choosing to dedicate oneself to music full time, after years of trying to fit it in between shitty day jobs. She's talented, brave, and penniless. "I'm twenty-seven," she explains, "and I'm not getting any younger. It's now or never." Kevin relates.

When happier music takes the stage, they get up and dance. There are six people in the audience and the two of them are the only ones dancing.

At the end of the night Kevin helps his friend's band pack up their instruments and carry them to the subway station. The scene is somewhat reminiscent of the iconic album art for the Beatles' Abbey Road, with the four band members lugging their instruments over a crosswalk. It differs from Abbey Road in that there is a fifth person trailing behind them, ferrying an amp. Kevin sets down the amp, thanks the band for a great performance, high-fives his friend, hugs the pianist, and walks away.

He then goes to a bodega and buys a beer, which he brings back to his apartment and drinks by himself.

Scene. Read more...Collapse )
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cavestory
Nov. 13th, 2010 @ 04:40 am robot builder ray: a children's story
Current Mood: drunkdrunk
Tags: , ,
Once upon a time there was a little boy named Ray.

(Illustration of a spiky-haired boy, about eight or nine years old, wearing a welding mask on his forehead and a yellow shirt on his body. Not necessarily anime, but he clearly intends to look like it. A little steampunky. Backgrounds are minimalist, maybe just a couple of washed out hues.)

Ray loved to build robots. Read more...Collapse )
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cavestory
Oct. 4th, 2010 @ 01:18 pm plenty of fish in the sea: a fisherman's bestiary (or: 20,000 out of your league)
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Clearly, I'm too classy to be writing stuff like this.

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dd2guy
Sep. 29th, 2010 @ 10:57 pm rosencrantz and guildenstern are single
Current Location: Williamsburg, Brooklyn, New York, NY
Current Music: an ironic cover of Empire State of Mind
other bards play. SHAKESPEARE KILLS.Collapse )
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cavestory
Jun. 9th, 2010 @ 12:49 am flattery will get you nowhere
Tags: ,
A couple months ago, Eric advised that I use my writing skills to pick up ladies, like Byron or Yeats.

So, these are messages I have sent to strangers on OKCupid. I haven't received a single response yet. (Gee, I wonder why? ^_^)

  1. I'll agree: Air conditioning is underrated. "Tough it out!" folks say. "Comfort is expensive and Gatorade is cheap!" But, I tell you, in the sweltering July heat, in which the skyscrapers of Wall Street become a giant magnifying glass to the steaming brownstones of Brooklyn, cutting laser-swaths across our curiously misaligned avenues, and you lie browning like a sauteed mushroom on a bare mattress in a many-windowed, poorly ventilated oversize roach motel, you learn to covet the ability to ratchet the heat down to a simmer.


  2. Hello, you! I am a writer, I double majored in computer science and creative writing in college, and Jonathan Coulton and the Mountain Goats are two of my favorite musicians, so according to OkCupid I am you. Hooray for robots!


  3. I mean this in the most flattering way possible: Your profile is clearly not big enough to contain your personality.

    A huge smattering of the English literary canon in your reading list, from Flannery O'Connor to Solzhenitsyn to Neil Gaiman, from Goethe to Roald Dahl! Movie selections spanning 50 years of cinema! The blues, segueing into trip-hop, and a note marking appreciation of a fantastic 1960s British Invasion band my friends' parents used to listen to as a prerequisite for social interaction! You bake things, and talk at length about the delicious treats you manufacture, while mysteriously not mentioning what they are! And yet, when asked what you do on Friday nights, you merely respond "Doing this or that or the other."

    You, ma'am, are either a veritable force of nature, or a small Midwestern liberal arts college.


  4. I like light, and people who produce it. What kind of lamps do you make?


I am aware that random New York ladies will probably not be the type that will appreciate these. It matters not. I'm having so much fun sending these out that I don't even care if I never hear back.
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megadance
May. 24th, 2010 @ 07:09 pm ...
Current Mood: facepalm
Tags: ,
She's gay.
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caonima, censorship
May. 24th, 2010 @ 02:10 am so i was at this karaoke/trivia thing with liz and jon
Current Location: Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Current Mood: drunkdrunk
Current Music: ELO - Twilight
Tags: ,
and I met this nice girl, a tiny brunette who's only been in the city a week and writes nonfiction and just got back from teaching English in South Korea, and we started talking, and she got all excited and hung around me a lot and leaned in real close to me when we sang Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" together, and Jon, bless his heart, pulled me aside and said, "Kevin, there's two things you need to do tonight: 1. You have to get that girl's number. 2. You have to call her."

Somehow I managed to pull off #1. I'm doing #2 tomorrow.

I am now a level 2 rogue.

HOLY SHIT WHAT I never omg whoa.

:D :D :D
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megadance
Dec. 29th, 2009 @ 06:35 am stars: a neo-kaiju one-act
Current Music: Sophie Madeleine - Stars
Tags: , , ,
cut, due to excessive awesomeCollapse )
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cavestory
Sep. 5th, 2009 @ 03:46 am mario kart love song
Current Music: Sam Hart - Mario Kart Love Song


The punchline is that this song is actually beautiful.
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cavestory