Tags: crap


hey kids

Guess what time it is?

Yep...it's What The Fuck Hour!! With your host...me.

First order of business: an adorable video about chicken sexing.

Speaking of cuteness: In 1904, Japan and Russia went to war over disputed claims over Korea and Manchuria. In an upset that stunned the Western world and redrew the map of East Asia, the seemingly quaint, remote Japanese trounced the politically and technologically superior Russians in a string of land and naval victories, establishing Japan as a major world power. Japan's success in that conflict would pave the way for half a century of bloody Japanese imperialism, a reign of terror that would end only with the Second World War. Almost exactly one hundred years later, Japan commemorates the event with nauseatingly, bucket-vomitingly kawaii cultural appropriation:

Incomprehensibly, that song was written for an anime that has absolutely nothing to do with Russia.

Of course, it wasn't long before the smartasses at Nico Nico Douga got a hold of the song and made a spoof video called Yaranaika Balalaika. If you aren't familiar with the Yaranaika meme, don't bother clicking on the link--you won't get the joke. In case your curiosity must be sated, I'll give it to you outright: It's about teh gay. Teh gay buttsecks. And, because this is Japan, it sparked a gay buttsecks flashmob dance craze.

(What is it with hot Japanese dancing girls and Yaranaika Dude masks? Seriously.)

Speaking of teh gay, can you guess why this LGBT Swedish drag act is ultra-popular in Japan:

Answer: everything. This video couldn't be more Japanese if they had made it themselves. I mean...they very nearly did.

(Also, some ostensibly hilarious mondegreen subtitling that I'd have to actually know Japanese to understand.)

I understand if you didn't have the patience to actually watch any of those. It's been a while since I have done a youtube post, and I've been looking at a lot of Japanese internet memes since then...so here's all of them at once.

Warning: epic mindfuckery. This is a serious YouTube overdose. You will be watching hundreds of videos in the course of ten minutes. You have been warned. MY HEAD. MY FUCKING HEAD.

Why am I so manic today? Two things: a) tomorrow is Veterans Day, so no work, and b) I am listening to the The World Ends With You + Subarashiki Kono Sekai Arrange OST, which is probably the most dancable video game remix soundtrack ever. The game absolutely deserves an entry of its own--I have one half finished sitting on my desktop right now.

TIME. I won't ever give in
No matter how hard you pull me in
I know gravity ain't an excuse
I just want to make things a little more smooth
The majority is still asleep
They're tired of those dreadful dreams
Now, let me shout and fuck you up
Let me fuck you up!!
*endless rocking out*
  • Current Music
    The World Ends With You + Subaseki OST 2 - 石元丈晴 - サムデイ -Unplugged-
  • Tags

eins! zwei! eins! zwei!

It is time to celebrate the end of Adolf Hitler.

Let's start with a video titled "Notorious H.I.T":

This one was shot in Austria. The performer was actually arrested.


Let's bury 1983 in a deep, deep hole and never look back. (Yes, Mel Brooks is Jewish.)

Alas, "To Be Or Not To Be" was not the end of his hip-hop career...

And lastly, but not leastly, art imitates life imitates computer games imitates art imitates life:

(They're talking about Company of Heroes, a World War II-themed strategy game, and the footage is from Downfall, a German-produced film about Hitler's last days. I've never played the game so I have no idea what they are talking about, but it got a chuckle out of me nonetheless.)

rebalancing "The Weight"

Recently my co-workers and I have been picking away at a design issue involving weighting problems in a set of strategy algorithms. I'm not going to bore you non-computery folk with the details, but I'd just like to mention that this discussion indrectly convinced me that The Band's song "The Weight" is about interprocess communication in a load balancing system.

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I kind of want to make a PowerPoint presentation of this entry, with lots of little box-and-arrow diagrams.

beat that dead horse! (and then drag it to jail)

From mixcael: A girl from Liaoning Province posts on a Chinese YouTube clone a video in which she talks shit about the victims of the Sichuan earthquake victims. She complains that they're the only things she ever sees on TV these days, that with so many Chinese people out there the country can afford to lose some, that they're poor, that their children are beggars, why don't they just shut up and die, et cetera. Somewhat predictably, the entire Chinese-speaking Internet comes down on her. Hard.

Wow. Just...wow. I have never seen so many people swearing at the same person in so many different accents. Mainlanders, Taiwanese, Hong Kongers, even a few Chinese-Americans...young, old, and everything in between...it's like the entire Chinese diaspora has united, for one brief moment, to call this girl a motherfucker. (Which is literally what they call her--this video in particular ends almost every clause with the phrase "fuck your mother.") In bizarre displays of nationalism, YouTube users delivered their litanies of insults while unfurling Chinese flags, wearing Beijing Olympics T-shirts, or dressing as stereotypical Hong Kong mobsters and brandishing weapons. More than a few mainlanders overcame fear of arrest to voice their disgust, turning the camera away from their faces when they spoke so that they could not be identified. For all I know people are still posting video responses, and there's no end in sight. It would be merely funny, and sad, and strangely moving, if not for what happened soon after: she was taken in by the police.

Are you happy now, Internet? You got your fucking wish.

Yes, she was an inconsiderate bitch of the highest degree. Yes, she brought shame upon not only her province, not only the Chinese people, but all the people of the world (to paraphrase one commenter). Yes, to paraphrase another, one cannot be Chinese, and watch this video, and not be offended. But now she is locked away, and you can bet you will never have the opportunity to hear another word of bullshit come out of her mouth again.

There are two things we can take away from this debacle:
1) This is why free speech is important. Disapprove, but defend to the death.
2) Never underestimate the power of angry people in large groups.

(update) Okay, looks like Yahoo News fucked up. The story of her arrest comes from IDG News Service, which cites some blog, which cites this news story attributed to Xinhua. Apparently she hasn't been locked up, or even necessarily arrested, just "detained for questioning" (which could imply anything from a jail sentence to a stern rebuke). Always follow your sources. Still, Chinese Internet people. Chill. You're insulted, I know, but you've yelled at this poor girl enough. She's been shamed in the official government newspaper and her personal information has been posted online by vigilantes. She's eaten her words many times over. You're not going to achieve anything by casting another stone.