First ascension took me six years. Second took me three weeks. This one took me three days.
kchen the neutral male human Tourist, level 24
B - cheap plastic imitation of the Amulet of Yendor
M - uncursed amulet of life saving
S - a blessed amulet of life saving (being worn)
n - the blessed +6 Grayswandir (weapon in hand)
W - 3 +3 daggers (in quiver)
f - an uncursed fireproof +0 pair of speed boots (being worn)
h - an uncursed rustproof +2 pair of gauntlets of power (being worn)
l - a blessed +3 gray dragon scale mail (being worn)
y - a blessed +1 oilskin cloak (being worn)
E - a blessed +1 elven leather helm (being worn)
F - an uncursed +0 shield of reflection (being worn)
g - an uncursed lizard corpse
H - 2 uncursed food rations
K - the uncursed Book of the Dead
I - an uncursed potion of sickness
Q - an uncursed potion of full healing
o - an uncursed ring of invisibility
(grah, pressed Enter too soon)
a cursed ring of conflict (being worn)
an uncursed +5 ring of increase damage (being worn)
a cursed ring of free action
an uncursed ring of levitation
three wands of death (two empty, one recharged once)
a wand of secret door detection
several wands of lightning and cold
one wand of fire
too many wands of digging
a wand of enlightenment
the blessed Platinum Yendorian Express Card
blessed bag of holding
a +0 unicorn horn
a frost horn (0:6)
an uncursed lock pick
a blessed luckstone
Contents of the bag of holding
a cursed wand of lightning (0:3)
an uncursed partly eaten food ration
4 uncursed black opals
a blessed +2 silver saber
a blessed +2 cloak of invisibility
an uncursed +0 pair of water walking boots
a +0 unicorn horn
an uncursed scroll of remove curse
the rustproof +0 Vorpal Blade
an uncursed +0 pair of jumping boots
an uncursed thoroughly burnt +0 cloak of protection
an uncursed very burnt +0 cloak of displacement
a potion of holy water
39771 gold pieces
9 uncursed food rations
as well as:
13 citrine stones
9 garnet stones
8 obsidian stones
7 black opals
7 topaz stones
6 amethyst stones
5 fluorite stones
4 amber stones
4 jasper stones
4 jade stones
2 jacinth stones
2 chrysoberyl stones
2 agate stones
1 turquoise stone
1 aquamarine stone
1 jet stone
and not a single worthless piece of glass.
Envoy of Balance, piously aligned, fire/cold/sleep/disintegration/shock/poi
Notable vanquished creatures:
Baalzebub, Orcus, Yeenoghu, Juiblex, the Wizard of Yendor (6 times), Death (twice), Pestilence (4 times), Famine (twice), 2 high priests, a fuckton of dragons, 12 baluchiteheria, 14 angels, 29 aligned priests, a monk, a ranger, 2 tourists, 67 wraiths, 120 soldiers, a watchman, 38 gremlins, 13 rust monsters, 126 giant spiders.
Total: 2906 creatures vanquished.
Species genocided: master mind flayers, all L.
Conduct: 6 genocides, never changed form, used 8 wishes.
Optional branches completed: Gnomish Mines, Sokoban, Fort Ludios.
Final score: 4810040 points.
Final level: 24, with a maximum of 193 hit points. All stats maxed except except Constitution at 17 and Intelligence at 16.
Man, that was a fun challenge. I can see why people say tourist is the hardest character class to ascend, but if you know the game well it's not as difficult as it seems. Sure, your starting equipment is mostly useless, you begin Unskilled in everything, and your stats are all average, so you'll have to play very cautiously to keep yourself alive through the early game. But, believe it or not, once you find a weapon and some decent armor these seeming disadvantages make you one of the most overpowered classes in NetHack. You become the ultimate jack of all trades.
So what that you can't get to Expert in anything (except dagger, which is quite useful). You can get to Basic or Skilled in virtually everything--even pickax, shuriken, bullwhip, and unicorn horn. Furthermore, none of your stats except Wisdom starts low (and you won't need Wisdom much anyway), so it's a cinch to raise all your stats to 18. Once you do, who needs the Amulet? You're already demigod-like.
You can wield an artifact battle-axe and throw multiple enchanted silver daggers at the same time (and later switch to dual-wielding silver sabers if you get bored). You can cast fireball while galloping away on a leocrotta. You can wear any armor and eat virtually any meat (within reason) without an alignment penalty. You can wield a dwarvish mattock and actually hit things with it--hard. (In fact, this was my main weapon for most of the early game.) You can cast healing and combat spells with equal proficiency. You can identify items at will, as long as you have the MP. You can tame dozens of cats, like I did, and have them scour the dungeons for trolls and rust monsters. You can get the Vorpal Blade by offering corpses at an altar. And you can do all that with the same character.
Sure, you'll never be Expert at anything but dagger (and rogues will still be better than you at throwing daggers because of their backstab bonus). But what's the difference between Skilled and Expert? +1 to-hit and damage? You won't miss it.
Combine that with a camera flash that does nonmagical blinding and a quest artifact that works like as an infinite scroll of charging (cameras, fire/frost horns, horns of plenty, bags of tricks, and tinning kits can be recharged indefinitely; rings of increase damage/accuracy/stat can be enchanted up to +7 at lower risk), and you have a class surpassed only by Wizards in terms of cheesitude.
Come midgame, you're not a useless tourist. You're an archaeologist barbarian caveman cleric healer knight rogue samurai wizard. (But not, mind you, a ranger. You suck at bows.) You are Kevin Costner in Dance with Wolves, Tom Cruise in The Last Samurai, Sam Worthington in Avatar. You are the useless white guy who comes to the Mazes of Menace armed with nothing but an expensive camera and an inventory full of junk food, and through the magic of cultural appropriation learns to outdo the natives in everything that makes them unique. You, an outsider, are their self-appointed patriarchal savior--the highest rank, the greatest title you can attain, is to be as one of them as an Adventurer. You are NetHack's Mary Sue.
Dude, even the local ladies prefer to sleep with you. (Male tourists get a bonus towards succubi interactions. Female tourists get an even higher bonus with incubi.)
Not bad for a visiting inn-sewer-ants clerk.