Kevin (erf_) wrote,
Kevin
erf_

flattery will get you nowhere

A couple months ago, Eric advised that I use my writing skills to pick up ladies, like Byron or Yeats.

So, these are messages I have sent to strangers on OKCupid. I haven't received a single response yet. (Gee, I wonder why? ^_^)

  1. I'll agree: Air conditioning is underrated. "Tough it out!" folks say. "Comfort is expensive and Gatorade is cheap!" But, I tell you, in the sweltering July heat, in which the skyscrapers of Wall Street become a giant magnifying glass to the steaming brownstones of Brooklyn, cutting laser-swaths across our curiously misaligned avenues, and you lie browning like a sauteed mushroom on a bare mattress in a many-windowed, poorly ventilated oversize roach motel, you learn to covet the ability to ratchet the heat down to a simmer.


  2. Hello, you! I am a writer, I double majored in computer science and creative writing in college, and Jonathan Coulton and the Mountain Goats are two of my favorite musicians, so according to OkCupid I am you. Hooray for robots!


  3. I mean this in the most flattering way possible: Your profile is clearly not big enough to contain your personality.

    A huge smattering of the English literary canon in your reading list, from Flannery O'Connor to Solzhenitsyn to Neil Gaiman, from Goethe to Roald Dahl! Movie selections spanning 50 years of cinema! The blues, segueing into trip-hop, and a note marking appreciation of a fantastic 1960s British Invasion band my friends' parents used to listen to as a prerequisite for social interaction! You bake things, and talk at length about the delicious treats you manufacture, while mysteriously not mentioning what they are! And yet, when asked what you do on Friday nights, you merely respond "Doing this or that or the other."

    You, ma'am, are either a veritable force of nature, or a small Midwestern liberal arts college.


  4. I like light, and people who produce it. What kind of lamps do you make?


I am aware that random New York ladies will probably not be the type that will appreciate these. It matters not. I'm having so much fun sending these out that I don't even care if I never hear back.
Tags: love, writing
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