Log in

No account? Create an account
Dec. 16th, 2009 @ 06:21 am bitches of the galaxy no longer
Current Mood: angryfuck yeah
Current Music: Fluitisma & Van Tijn - 15 Miljoen Mensen
Once in a blue moon 4chan creates something that justifies its horrible, disgusting existence.

Like this thread from /tg, for example. Guess what sci-fi species they're talking about.

“****** are insane...Once, a Vuux warship blew away one of their early colony ships. Fifty Terran geo-helio-cycles later, without a word, they glassed the entirety of the Vuux homeworld and called it even. Not one senator in the Union even dared bring it up with their ambassador. They have no compunction to follow the Concord of Equal Force!”

“The ****** muscle-to-mass ratio is incomprehensible. Their world must have been at least half-again as large as ours. Their biology defies reason, they breathe oxygen and yet can swim in liquids without trouble. They can kill with their manipulator extremities, and more. One prisoner slammed his brain case into a guard, and then beat them to death with his bare hands.”

“Of all the violence-capable sophont clades, ****** are the only ones who strap themselves into armored shells and drop out of the atmosphere onto enemy positions...We are certain that they have secretly developed mind-upload technology (and thus a kind of technical immortality). The other possibility, that they are willing to throw themselves into the path of anti-starship weapons without hesitation and risk their consciousnesses, is unthinkable.”

This is a species that traditionally provides nutrition for its helpless, live birthing young, for up to the first or second orbital year of their lives. By dispensing a fluid from engorged fat-surrounded glands.

When the larvae are dispensed, they are still physically attached to the gestation chamber of the female. No wonder they are so enamored with violence... the first act the young witnesses is this connection with its mother being severed with a sharp knife.

"****** present a substantial problem for the Theory of Evolution. It is difficult to find an aspect of ****** biology that is remotely competitive. They metabolise a variety of corrosive gases, their process of reproduction is lethally dangerous and their respiration and food orifices are combined in such a fashion as to almost guarantee suffocation by misconsumed food articles. And that's not to consider the damage done to their spine and musculature by an inexplicable instinct to balance on the hind legs."

All ****** children, from the earliest stages of post-uterine development, are encouraged to partake in feats of violence and strife with one another, to establish which group is the victor. With no tangible benefit presenting itself, they compete purely for the sake of dominion and ego. Often these competitions will involve forceful physical contact and injuries, which is considered a part of the developmental process.

It should come as no surprise that the species is so malajusted.

[On what they eat.] ...a fucking 500kg slab of muscle and fat, capable of crushing a man to death...made an industry of killing , eating, and using their bodily remains.

"Your basic ****** is between three and twenty-five feet tall, and is mostly composed of an oily goo wrapped in a t-shirt."
"Is it true that they bite you on the neck to drain your transmission fluid, and then you become ****** yourself?"
"Sure, why not?"

This ****** race is an interesting topic of debate. While it is easy to simply dismiss them as an entire race of demented sociopaths, the fact that their culture has not self-destructed in an orgy of uninhibited violence seems to imply there is something more to them. The manner in which their culture adapts these violent tendencies to survive past the lifetimes of its individual members can possibly be explained in the brevity of their own existence. A ****** seeks out every avenue of its existence and takes from it all it can before being snuffed out like the flames that spawn from the poisonous gas they breathe. Is it so hard then to admire their passion. We see them as monsters, but perhaps in them there is something we ourselves can aspire to.

It has to be seen to be believed, but the ****** have the bones of their saurian ancestors on display in grotesque, aggressive poses. Some say that it's a form of religion, others say that it just serves the curiosity of the mammals, but I know the truth; somehow, those filthy ****** are responsible for the death of the sauropods, and they like to display the trophies.

No, I don't know how they did it. But they thrive on conspiracy and extermination.

One of the greatest ironies of the universe is that, despite their inherent military superiority to all other species, a vast section of ****** literature includes the theme of ****** being vastly outmatched by older and more technologically advanced species...There is something terrifying about a people that have to make-up a species tougher than themselves just for the sake of challenging entertainment.

...You get where they're going here.

For less macho treatment of the same subject matter, see here and here.
About this Entry
[User Picture Icon]
Date:December 16th, 2009 11:30 am (UTC)


(Permanent Link)
Plain, average, comfortable Jack-of-all-trades baseline types my ass. "Adaptable?" "Diplomatic?" Please. Your brood queen has no racial modifiers. We didn't tame the atom, cheat gravity, and fling quadrupeds into space just to become lunch for greyskins and space dildos.


Edited at 2009-12-16 11:45 am (UTC)
[User Picture Icon]
Date:December 16th, 2009 12:25 pm (UTC)


(Permanent Link)
On a related note: Role-playing gamers, designers, and DMs! You're all too familiar with the trope of non-human races as humans with racial trait superpowers (elves get darkvision, halflings get blink, etc.). What racial traits do humans get in a fantasy role-playing setting in which they are not the baseline? I'm thinking:

Tool Use (equip any carried inventory item as a weapon or tool without specialization penalties)
Armor Use (equip any appropriately sized and shaped item in an armor slot)
Opposable Thumbs (+1 bonus to Dexterity when using tools or weapons of the appropriate size class)
Climbing (vertical movement across any surface with sufficient handholds)
Pursuit Predator (slower fatigue consumption, bonus to tracking, sight, and hearing skills)
Warm-Blooded (+1 Cold Resist, +1 Heat Resist)
Improvisation (as a free action, create a new item from the environment, with specs determined by the DM)
Stubbornness (+1 to Will saves)
Rationality (pause game at will, may take no action during pause)
Adrenaline (+1 bonus to Strength when HP is at 10% or lower)
Racial Adversary: Woolly Mammoth (+1 to all combat and tracking rolls for creatures of this race, +2 if wielding a spear)
Social Predisposition (+2 bonus to all Charisma rolls involving members of the same species, +(Charisma/6) if other human is of compatible sexuality)

Edited at 2009-12-17 12:05 am (UTC)
[User Picture Icon]
Date:December 16th, 2009 09:20 pm (UTC)
(Permanent Link)
Uh...I'm pretty sure it's scientific fact that insects won the evolutionary battle. It's their world...we're just living in it.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:December 16th, 2009 10:45 pm (UTC)
(Permanent Link)
Not if we have anything to do with it!

*prepares power armor for Zerg rush*