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Jul. 2nd, 2005 @ 05:04 am toastyfrog thinks xenosaga sucks
Current Mood: pretentious
Er. I know I linked this Xenosaga review just a few minutes ago, but not giving it its own entry would not do it justice. It is not so much a review of a single game as it is a swirling gigaton-dense neutron star of seething, unadulterated rage.

See, Jeremy Parish does not hate Xenosaga. He does not loathe Xenosaga. He regards Xenosaga with such abhorrence that no verb in the English language can adequately describe how negatively he feels about it. He rips into Xenosaga with such incredible journalistic fury that he not only takes down the game, its developers, and its design philosophy but the entire three-fifths of human civilization responsible for allowing the existence of such an ungodly abomination of the gaming medium. Over a decade of outrage over realizing that the gamer-geek subculture of his youth is grounded in a frothing mess of misguided pretentiousness and mindless fanboyism in which games that are utter shit are celebrated as classics because they possess the superficial trappings of greater art, ejaculates across the page in an unending torrent of anger and shame. This is a polemic not against a game, but against a generation of sniveling RPG geeks who spent their adolescent years stroking their imaginary intellects by writing high school English papers about the-not-so-subtle Biblical references in Xenogears or flooding their favorite Cloud/Sephiroth furry slash artist's Paypal accounts with their parents' credit card money or performing the Final Fantasy III Aria de Mezzo Caraterre at their senior recitals. It is an attack against the entire legitimization effort, the years-old movement to promote acceptance for video games as a true artistic medium instead of a mere form of entertainment. It is an assault against oldschool gamers and newschool gamers, against those who spent their childhoods playing Zelda and Excitebike and Dig Dug and those who buy T-shirts that say they did, against fanfiction and fanart and fananything, against forums and the Internet and teenagers too smart for school searching for an identity in a world they falsely believe has no place for them. It is, in short, it's a polemic against who he used to be.

But hey, at least he thinks the battle system is pretty okay.

ToastyFrog, I tip my hat to you. You may very well have become the first Internet-era gamer to graduate from the Internet.
About this Entry
Date:July 1st, 2005 09:44 pm (UTC)
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... How is this news? Japan hasn't made one video game since 1997 that can be considered anything more than dog-spunk, congealed and pressed into a CD shape. The best they can do that is worth playing are rehashes of older classics that did not suck -- and while those my be worth playing, they are most certainly not worth paying for.

Video games became doomed the second people who grew up with video games started making them.
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Date:July 1st, 2005 10:38 pm (UTC)
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Er, um:

Devil May Cry, Dance Dance Revolution, Metal Gear Solid, Rez, Doukutsu Monogatari, Vantage Master, Pikmin, Wario Ware, Katamari Damacy.

But yeah, I agree with the sentiment. Especially for RPGs. I can't remember the last time I played a post-1997 Japanese RPG that was better than decent.
Date:July 1st, 2005 11:23 pm (UTC)
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I would classify every single game you listed as an intolerable shit-tank.

If I had a choice between anything listed and being forced to play nothing but Bokosuka Wars, no matter what else may ever come out and or what else has been made, I would still take Bokosuka Wars because it's at least a tolerable shit-tank.
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Date:July 2nd, 2005 02:49 pm (UTC)

wow! you lose!

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To each his own, I guess, but I'm a bit offended that you would consider Bokosuka Wars tolerable.
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Date:July 2nd, 2005 04:23 am (UTC)
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I dug on Toastyfrog ever since sophomore year, when he still lived in Texas and wrote about King Crimson and Pink Floyd. I discovered one of my now-favorite bands by skimming through his panning.

That last sentence was awful, and I apologize. I just couldn't make it work.

I eventually stopped reading him when he went to 1-Up, as I'm not much of a gamer anymore and that stuff can't hold my interest like it used to. I'm glad he's putting up his old diatribes.