Kevin (erf_) wrote,

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high voltage

I'm not sure what to make of all this sophomore year midterm stress. On one hand, there's the anxiety attacks, the sense of impending doom, the career crises, and the fear of imminent, inevitable failure. Since I'm failing one class for which I can improve my grade and nearly failing another for which I can't (putting me at the brink of academic probation, potentially limiting my options for a minor or second major, and perhaps pigeonholing me into desperate and unfulfilling career path), every grade counts, and when you are managing your time and getting help and putting 250% effort into both classes and still failing every exam and assignment, it can be nerve-wracking.

On the other hand, this aura of impending apocalypse is triggering lightning storms in my creativity modules. Daily and nightly I am getting grand, epic bursts of inspiration at an output three times greater than normal and five or six times greater than when I actually have time to make things. Most of them aren't nearly as great when I look at them later (bridges? What the hell?) but a few of them--single sentence fragments--could spawn novels' worth of characters and themes and plots and worlds. Maybe there's something about anxiety that gets me going, I dunno. Maybe it has something to do with how I started writing as a reaction to the anxiety of growing up in a place where everything was wrong. I wonder if I could cure writer's block by pointing a loaded gun to my head with one hand and writing furiously with the other.

What's equally as frustrating is that I can't use any of these ideas for my creative writing classes. Few of them would fit in 750 words or less unless I went ultra-minimalist, and I am not yet skilled enough to write the ones that could.
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