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Feb. 23rd, 2006 @ 02:50 pm inspired by 4q.cc's top 100 chuck norris facts
Current Mood: reverent
Current Music: Rich Mullins - (Our God is an) Awesome God

1. Three words: Matthew 21:19.
2. Jesus does 8d6 bonus damage to undead.
3. Jesus can defeat ninjas without fighting them. They look at him, kneel in blessed repentance, and explode.
4. Infinity is the square root of Jesus.
5. In 1666, pirates and ninjas fought a war that lasted twenty years. Jesus won.
6. Jesus wasn't crucified on the cross. The cross was crucified on him.
7. Jesus circumnavigates the globe to buy 7-Up. Every Friday.
8. In America, party find you. In Soviet Russia, Jesus kicks your ass.
9. Jesus once shot a man just to see him die. Then he saved him just because he could. Then he shot him again.
10. Once, Jesus allowed himself to be seen in public. The Middle East is still at war.
11. Jesus eats atom bombs for breakfast.
12. Whenever Jesus kills a kitten, someone masturbates.
13. Jesus makes 72-ounce steaks from scratch. Literally.
14. Jesus has no need for sex.
15. Jesus pushed over a table once. They still haven't rebuilt the Temple.
16. Whenever Jesus rings a bell, an angel loses its wings.
17. Once Jesus punched a man for claiming he didn't exist. The planet Krypton has been missing ever since.
18. In a perfect world, all people would live in perfect peace and harmony. Then Jesus got bored.
19. In the presence of Jesus, light is both a wave and a particle.
20. Jesus's dad knocked up his mom just by looking at her. Not to be outdone, Jesus gave birth to himself.
21. Whenever Jesus farts, Creed writes a song.
22. The game "Doom" is based on the time Jesus paid Satan a visit and left his coat in hell.
23. Jesus hates pigs.
24. Jesus likes to dress grown men in silly hats. These men are known as popes.
25. There are three kinds of people: Jesus. There are no other kinds of people. Jesus counts as three.
26. Nietzsche is dead.
27. Jesus taught birds how to sing.
28. Jacob wrestled with an angel and won a country. Caesar wrestled with Jesus and won homosexuality.
29. Jesus is not afraid of death. Death is afraid of Jesus.
30. Jesus eats level 120 elite mobs for breakfast. Then he has them again for lunch.
31. Jesus solves NP-complete problems for fun.
32. Jesus can make sense of Crisis on Infinite Earths.
33. When you stare into the void, the void also stares unto you. When you stare into the Jesus, you lose your eyeballs.
34. One afternoon, Jesus got bored and proved he didn't exist. The proof was infallible.
35. Jesus invented Chuck Norris.
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