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May. 8th, 2005 @ 03:35 am sneezing my brains out
Don't know whether it's allergies or psychosomatic illness, but it sucks.

280 is not worth it anymore. It hasn't been worth it for a long, long time, and I've just been damned stubborn about it. There is an optional assignment I can do this week to potentially raise my grade, but I'm not sure I can handle the extra grief. I have come to accept that I will not be passing this class no matter what I do, and that the only reason Esmail told me I have a slim chance of passing is because he doesn't want to be the one to tell me that I should give up hope. I have better things to do this week--like talk to my parents, who have gone apeshit crazy at the fact that I have virtually disappeared off the face of the earth for two months. Or my friends, for the same reason. I need to find something to do this summer and locate off-campus storage and book plane tickets home. I need to buy clothes and shoes to replace the ones I've worn out, and get some sleep, and do ten bajillion other things. I can't put them off any longer; if it means academic probation, so be it.

Will is back. Yay Will.

Sick. Stressed. It hurts to be alive. Sentences are forming in my head in the wrong order. I need sleep.
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May. 8th, 2005 @ 05:30 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: woozy
Woke up this morning and the pain of living was gone. Sky was blue, air was perfect, not an allergen for miles. Room temperature outside. Nose still running and skin was pretty badly irritated, but no more sneezing, no more malaise. Soft music was playing on South Quad and people were playing frisbee. Mothers were taking litters of children out for a walk in the sun. No stress, no tiredness. It was like I had died in my sleep and gone to heaven.

Ever wish you could wake up from life, as if from a dream? The misery of existence a vague and fading memory. You never expect it to actually happen, but when it does, it's incredibly disorienting. And more than a little confusing.

Doped up on allergy medicine right now. Adds to the feeling of otherworldliness.
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