August 20th, 2003

dd2guy

(no subject)

Whoo...busy day today. My aunt, my uncle, my mom, my dad and I bought all the stuff I'll need for college in one shot. Took us four meals to do it, but we did it.

Crabs (especially the alaskan snow variety) are incredibly stubborn animals. Even after death they will resist any attempt to eat them. They've got more spines than a cactus are covered head to claw in impenetrable armor. Try eating a crab without getting bloody fingers. It's not easy.

My cousins Dave and Richard are far more successful than I ever thought possible. Richard looks like Ross from Friends and has a hot Korean girlfriend and some prime real estate, including a three-story penthouse in the heart of Chicago. Dave is a master chiropractor with multiple degrees and more charisma than Tom Cruise. Both earn more than my uncle, who retired from the pharmaceutical industry with millions in the bank. Dave owns a Mercedes Benz, Richard drives a Lexus, and they share an SUV for weekend outings. They're confident, they're intelligent, they're mature, they earn craploads of money and they look ten years younger than they really are--they're the kind of men every woman on earth would go crazy over.

"Don't worry," says my aunt, "you'll become just as successful as they will one day. We all do."

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOL OMG ROTFLMFAO *cries*

It's great having supermen for cousins, though. Dave gave me a checkup and some free treatment. Good news: My posture is improving, my frame is good for lifting weights (lots more room for buffness!), and I have no extraordinarily serious back problems. There is also a good chance I will grow much taller in the next couple of years, especially if I do yoga. Bad news: I have a spine condition that makes one side of my back higher than the other, which can lead to premature arthritis if my posture is bad, and that little paunch I've always had can increase my chances of a heart attack. There was nothing he could do about the paunch (except recommend that I do more cardiovascular exercise, like running or bicycling), but he did help straighten my spine by cricking what felt like virtually every joint in my body. I feel a lot straighter now.

Looking forward to Oberlin...