never had a drink that i didnt like..
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[12 Jul 2005|03:43pm]

ADD ___the_truth</>


that is all.
Fall Off the Emo Tree

NEW JOURNAL [10 Jul 2005|11:15am]
hey people, i got a new journal so add that one and delete this one


<33 lzzy
Fall Off the Emo Tree

[08 Jun 2005|12:35am]
[ mood | alone ]

i hate everyone. fuck miami. i dont need fucking ppl not picking up the phone when i wana chill and expecting me to pick up when they call and be there when they need me. FUCK YOU I DONT FUCKING NEED YOU. YOU ARE ALL FUCKING SELL OUTS. i dont care about your fucking excuses so dont even tell me.
you hurt my feelings, its my turn to hurt yours..if you even care.

1 Apple Fall Off the Emo Tree

oooh my god [30 May 2005|06:50pm]
[ mood | content ]

so, i just attended my jcc reunion..oh my god everyone got FATTER. hah! it was awkward and i didnt really recognize anyone. stacey didnt show >:( oh well, i hung out with my mom.

so i went by starbucks today..i heard things that i never heard anyone say about me and it makes me a little nostolgic..but it will help me move forward. i CAN move forward. i left there in tears..but happy tears. i have never had happy tears before. i know we're going to get through this with every bit of love we started out with.

other than that i drink..alot. i have had three different ppl. call me an alcoholic in the past week and i dont like it. i think in order for me NOT to drink i have to stay in.

i just love Dre and i cant wait to go away!!!!

madd love

Fall Off the Emo Tree

[26 May 2005|03:57pm]
[ mood | absolutely torn to pieces ]

i wish he was in love with me. i wish he felt half of what i do. i wish he'd let me know if it were true. i wish me leaving might be harder for him. i wish he would call me.

im just so fucking hurt right now. im falling apart all bc of a song. i hear this song and it reminds me of every good time we ever had what it might be like if we were saying goodbye if he loved me.

i wish he wasnt used to me crying. i wish he hadnt become accostomed to me telling him that i need him. i wish he didnt think i played games with him. i wish he'd realize that hes everything to me. everything. i cant bear the pain anymore.

2 Apples Fall Off the Emo Tree

[26 May 2005|01:49am]
[ mood | after taste of beer. ew. ]

ok tonight was weird. nothing weird happened, i just felt weird and i dont think its safe. i told myself after closely examining my newly forming beer belly that i needed to refrain from drinking for at least one night. i felt wierd all, even. i dont know. i felt like i didnt want to be awake, but i also did not want to be asleep. it was a horrible feeling. not alot of happy things are going on in my life. but theres only one unhappy things going on, so id think id be somewhat happy. but im not..unless im drunk. then im straight. someone told me the other night that its a problem that i feel like i have get drunk to have fun. i dont HAVE to drunk, it just makes the night MORE fun.

whatever, you have problems of your own..dont pick on mine.

Fall Off the Emo Tree

[24 May 2005|12:52pm]
[ mood | numb ]

so last night i had a bit of an episode..not really. i went to bougies super excited bc i was meeting alot of cool people and then they all ditched me to go drink in a golf course. so i called kristina and kristy and they were really moody about it so eventually i just said fuck it bc they didnt want to be there anyway. but when i first got to bougies ull never guess who was standing right outside my car...

...todd. and the following conversation took place:

Him: Hey
Me: What are you doing here? (somewhat accusingly)
Him: I'm meeting Christy and Ben at starbucks. You're goin to Bouganvelleas?
Me: Yeah.
Him: I think Ben is going there later to play poker.
Me: Yeah.
Him: Do you want me to call you later?
Me: Do what you want, Todd.

Then i walked away. without a goodybe, without one of those hugs that make me feel like i should never be scared ever again, without garantee that he was, in fact, going to call me.

After that I proceeded to call ppl and eventually sat in my car alone and cried. i text messaged Dre a lil bit and then called evan and cried to him. i felt like a fucking idiot afterwards so i acted like it was chill when i finally got to the golf course. eventually it was chill and i was having fun.

after that we all stood in the parking lot of this golf course for a bit dispersed. evan and i went to his house to check in and got a six pack. we went to merry christmas park and talked about scary movies, the meaning of life, and had a contest of who could think of a more random word.

this game ocntinued until 1 o clock this afternoon when his judgement was declared biased and i won by default.

..still waiting to go to college. (i love youuuu Dre!!!)

2 Apples Fall Off the Emo Tree

sick and tired of being sick and tired [23 May 2005|02:36am]
[ mood | crushed ]

i think for the rest of my life im going to be the kind of person that makes everything seem 10 times worse in my head. anytihng that goes wrong with osmetihng that i care about becomes a disaster in my head. i think that is mainly due to my extreme insecurities..but also to the fact that thats just the kind of person i am. everything seems so inconquerable bc i make it that way. i hold on to good times and feel meloncholy whenver something bad happens. thats why i cant let todd go. thats why i always think the worst when someone doesnt pick up the phone for me. im just that kind of person.

i dont think todd and i have talked for more than 3 days without fighting for the past two months. honestly. it was a dream i had that was terribly flawed and fell away. thats all. it was never meant to be so fuck it. now why i cant i just walk away?

honestly im just tired of talking about him. im tired of feeling this way and letting him know i feel this way. im tired of people like ben who are down as fuck but when it comes to a situation like tonight prove themselves to be completely fake and stupid.


3 Apples Fall Off the Emo Tree

[11 May 2005|10:43am]
ok so today i HAVE to go prom dress shopping. leave a comment and tell me where to shop.

count out bloomies and macy's and yeah. so gime more.

Fall Off the Emo Tree

slowly but surely [10 May 2005|11:57pm]
[ mood | older ]

im really glad i went those days without talking to slowly getting over him and i think i have the will power to pick and choose when to pick up when he calls me instead of always being available to talk..not like playing games matters now.

the only part of it all that makes me sad is thinking about the times we had (haha i rhymed). i think about orlando and just hanging out at his house. we can talk for hours, we never get bored. i know it cant happen for us, but i want to marry someone just like him. he is the perfect guy for me, but there must be osmeone like him out there..he's so real, so funny in my kind of way, hes great in bed, caring..and just so fucking REAL..everything about him is real, right down to when he says i love you.

i know hes over it and i will be too sooner or later..i can feel it.

ta ta for now.


Fall Off the Emo Tree

fruit punch and nasty chicken [09 May 2005|12:54pm]
[ mood | cold-brrrrrr!!! ]

soooo im in the yearboook room, its boring and cold.

the past few days have been okay. i worked all weekend, closing all three nights. but friday and saturday i chilled with frank, bert, chris, and julio. theyre madd cool.

last night i stayed up til like 4 in the morning working on my project for socio. too bad i havent done my english term paper yet. pffff.

yeah so today im gna go home and at least relax if i cant nap. i mean i dont have enough time for a nap..whateva.

peace ouuuuut

Fall Off the Emo Tree

blah blaaaaaaah [09 May 2005|08:31am]
[ mood | theres a weird taste... ]

blah blah blah alll the people so excited for prom its making me sick. i hate the idea of prom. i dont even want to go. im so over high school and the ppl. and their drama that i just dont even want to go. yeah i have my own drama, but thats MY drama. im not gona deal with anyone elses shit. fuck that. i dunno its just everywehre i look ppl. are just molding to whoever theyre hanging out with and that fuckin annoys me. "ohhh i did this and that and this and im so special bc im in high school and i cant see past next tuesday" yeah. i hate this.

i know iv become really bitter but i hate miami, i hate gulliver, and i hate my life in this city. i want to leave

6 Apples Fall Off the Emo Tree

[06 May 2005|02:49pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

wow. weird people. sheesh.

anyway, today was the senior lunch and we had taco bell and chicken kitchen and crepe maker and hot dogs and succhhhhh

sooooo fucking good.

shit is getting better..not talking to todd is getting alot easier and i truly think its good for me.

ok im gonaaaa gooooo maybe meet muffin at bux.


Fall Off the Emo Tree

[05 May 2005|12:49pm]
i hate school.

ok im gona go im tired.

going prom dress shopping today with vanne yaaaayyyyyyy fun.
Fall Off the Emo Tree

pleeease helppp [04 May 2005|12:20am]
ok everybody leave me one store to sohp at for my prom dresssss!!

ready? set? GO!!!!
7 Apples Fall Off the Emo Tree

[03 May 2005|03:43pm]
[ mood | Lost ]

To think i might not see those eyes
makes it so hard not to cry
and as we say our long goodbyes
i nearly do.
Fall Off the Emo Tree

[03 May 2005|03:00pm]
[ mood | Completely Abandoned ]

hes found someone else...and i cant stop it.

this hurts so badly. i dont know whether to throw something or cry.

maybe ill do both.

Fall Off the Emo Tree

yeah [02 May 2005|05:10pm]
my life is slowing down.

the other day i was listening to some stevie wonder song and it made me genuinely happy. my feet started tingling in a numb happy kind of way and it made me feel really good.

so i went to school today, looked around, and wished it would burn down. people in that school make me sick to my stomach and i dont feel like being nice to anyone. 9 days couldnt go any slower..oops sorry 8.

i fucking hate high school and i dont care what you say, im not going to miss it.
4 Apples Fall Off the Emo Tree

ommggggg [29 Apr 2005|03:54pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

ok so when i got out of school early i went to go see todd..yeah who as soon as i walked in the door, made fun of my new senior shirt and i tried to insult him back but it ended up just being a futile attempt and i laughed.

then he came outside and fucked with my phone and made fun of the ring that i bought just for HIM. so i was like shut up i like it and i bougt it just for you, but go ahead and make ufn of it, go ahead.


so then i called him and asked why he got mad and he said "i dunno, i was in a fine mood until you got there." wtf??? sounds like someones having a little pms.

so i said whatever im sorry for whatever i did and i asked if he was still mad and he said no but he sound p.oed as fuck so i said fuck it said id call him later.

ok im tired but i got trapped into qworking today and AND I HATE CAROLINA TODAY WAS MY ONLY DAY OFF IN 4 DAYS YOU STUPID CUNT RAG.

off to work.

Fall Off the Emo Tree

[27 Apr 2005|08:35am]
[ mood | sick ]

so i have decided that having a sore throat is officially the worst thing ever. esp sleeping with a sore throat. every time i breath in my throat gets a million times dryer and it hurt sooooooo baddddd. i woke up at 2:30 bc it hurt so badly and didnt go back to sleep until 3:30. i kept having dreams about work...about alphebetizing which i SUCK at. yeah..and like they wouldnt stop. if i wasnt having a dream about work i was dreaming about something really fucking wierd. the vivid dreams wont sotp. this has been going on for WEEKS now..

ok yeah so prom is starting to sound a little more fun. esp since gwenns parents offered for us to stay at their house instead of a hotel. this might just be funnnnn.

ok im goin back to doing nothing.

Fall Off the Emo Tree

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