(no subject)

I'm feeling really strange today! Like my insides have become jelly and my thoughts are a mixed, bouncing bag of feelings.

I probably need to listen to more wise teachings - I must be getting lost in life.

Met up with old friends from pre-uni days today, caught up! Found out both their fathers lost their jobs in this recession ... It's never hit me like that. Some people I'm close to, it's becoming so real.

Living a sheltered comfortable life, no wonder, I realise my ideas are just naive and idealistic.

My supervisor is turning out to be ... so much nicer than I expected. I'm seriously feeling like I have to make it up to him, do a good job otherwise I'm letting people down. Funny, because things that I complain about eventually get better. Doesn't mean I should do it more, yea?

I feel weird, because for the first time in ages I'm able to talk frankly with a friend ... we feel similar? How strange.

At times I feel independent and brave, because ... oh I don't know. What, I recklessly managed to drive my way to hospital in the morning? Without a GPS.

This week I've also been lonely, when there were no good pals to chat with in the student common room at the hospital I'm now at. Miss old company? Sure do.

I'm determined to be more hardworking and appreciative. I've been lazy, idle for too long now. Time to do the right thing again.

Eventually, I think I'm loving myself more and more, and knowing myself and life better. That's good, I never did enough of that.

Well ... I feel unsettled. I'm surprised too, after a WHOLE string of near fail assignments, I'm getting positive comments and much better marks for the last 2 I did in my oncology and aged care terms. Wow... I'm very encouraged by those markers to be frank. I thought I was a gone case.

I'm a bit touched too, by that.

And the frailty, mortality, complexity of human life, memories, feelings. I'm reeling from the changes at home, outside, everywhere. One moment up, another moment down. Can never predict what's going to happen next.

I'm so uncalm I can't fall asleep now. Maybe I'm jittery. I'm excited. Over all these.

Feeling so much, no longer numb with pain and tiredness like I was for the weeks leading up to my exam.

This time, I will make it different. I will PUT IN MY BEST EFFORT.

Thus, ends the very fleeting entry that typifies its writer.

(no subject)

Things on Earth in this time are not forever.

Just a few months ago - a time which perhaps exists only in the trickery of my mind, you were saying how much you enjoyed my company.

Even fewer months ago - we were laughing like crazy and pissing the girls opposite off.

But a few hours ago - it's like all that is stifled under the burden of time and driftwood, and there isn't that much to say anymore to each other.

And I remember telling you how friendships are evolving all the time. Because people are different every second. Like how our hearts flicker so much like a candle.

You've only exemplified this further.

No wonder I dislike opening up to just anyone, what a pain.


(no subject)

Certain things.

Like how I wish I was more eloquent and calm and organized and diligent and intelligent and more warm and taller and more lucky and ... many many things.

But I haven't earned them and I should respect that.

I'm not true to my feelings.

I feel like an eccentric, lonesome ... abnormal. person.

I'm seriously getting into some sort of pre-CNY depression. yes, Yes. It's a public holiday here in Sydney on 26th the first day, but that's because it's Australia Day. Whyever else would it be? I feel so alone.

And it's not PMS.

(no subject)

While not unusual, it is a tad disappointing and really strange - when senior professionals constantly have to remind students to study/do this do that etc. Does the profession not motivate students enough to work hard?

Something is lost there. It's like taking up an apprenticeship at say, a shoemaker. Surely you have to put in maximum, 200% effort to learn the skills to the best of your ability. It's the same isn't it, for medicine?

Talk about a black sheep calling itself black.

Anyway, I miss you. You, who seemed to be another version of me.

(no subject)

Packing for Singapore, and that includes stuff I need for work like my assignment that I got an extension for ... gee, it's going to be a brilliant break.

(no subject)

Funnily enough, I'm enjoying myself this term.

Yes, I thought mums and kids would be hella boring. Super uber duper UGH. Not to mention the seasonal bugs going around those wards. Turns out I reaped a good harvest of those bugs, got sick 3 times in just 6 weeks. Now I have a very sexy, husky manly voice. Whee.

But I also really soaked in the working environment, especially with the paediatrics teams. They're so warm and friendly! How can someone who takes care of kids be cold? As one of the docs put it so aptly, "We're all mushy inside actually. That's what we're like. The senior paediatricians will take care of the junior ones ... and so on. Do you hear stories [like the sad child abuse ones] from cardiologists?" Haha. One of the funny old eccentric-looking but kind guys. & I was pleasantly surprised to hear that, it completely summarised why I started thinking - hey, maybe i might do paediatrics after all. I was never interested in it, not remotely. And now I'm finding myself rather taken in.

Ok, song of the day that I have looped many, many times, I bring you -
I can't get enough of the beats and the sarcasm! :)

Man I need a break...


(no subject)

I am guilty,

of causing people trouble,

by hurting them unknowingly.


and again...

I think


it is because

I think too much about myself.

Have to stop.

CHANGE from now.


(no subject)

Doctor P is the paediatrician taking us for 4 days. He loves anthropology, geography, current affairs and likes to random quiz students, even in front of patients.

Question from Dr P to us students: So, what did Singapore use to be before becoming a developed country like it is today?

I stay silent, so I won't spoil the fun.

Everyone else stays silent and looks puzzled.

Well, I wouldn't expect anyone in the room except from Dr P himself to know.

Dr P drops a hint: So well, it's a island, yes.

The other students still look puzzled, and I'm not too sure what exactly is the answer he wants either.

Finally, J breaks the silence and hazards a guess: Er ... I guess ... a VOLCANO ...?

... HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Everyone nearly dies laughing (first time I heard Dr P crack up).

In my mind I imagined this volcano, spewing lava and ash over a billion years ago, and finally it sort of sizzles out as the ice melts and becomes the island. Fast forward and you get the tropical landscape, and then the merlion and the SG flag and all sorts of things popping up. It's like a history video all sped up with the cute animation.


This is goood.

The answer to the question, in case you guys want to know is: fishing village.

Back to reading the Straits Times my dad just brought back from SG. I miss it so much.


(no subject)

I was reading anonymous comments on how I fared in my team, by my project group members, and this came up:

"she was a smooth personality to deal with..."

HAHA I LOL-ed so hard at that one!! Smooth?! Makes me sound like some dude good at picking up girls... or suave, like someone else said. Hahaha. Probably not something most people would describe me as. Haha!! Totally cracks me up.

Can't wait to find out who wrote this lol.