Purpose - a result of desire; an intention; a subject of discourse; the reasons for something whether is done or will be.

It's been boring and hard now days. Like I'm searching for something or a purpose to hold on. Every day when I wake up, I ask myself; "What will I fight for today?". Yes, I could tell logic and cryptic lies with my tongue but I couldn't lie to my very own self. Maybe I am now drowning in my own confusion of definitions; gasping for truth to survive.

Is there any hope left? crawling and digging to just pretending there is hope to stand on where there isn't. And after giving up, hope unexpectedly come; which is when it's all too late to even see it. Hope...is false in a way. Despair it might be but truth it hurts.

Someone told me I am smart in a way but why do I feel stupid each minute anyway? dang, it annoys me.

Reputation isn't about money; it's about people's opinion about oneself and how it spreads on people's mind like a plague. If you're nice as a PM, people worship and thank you like a god; if you've been marked as black-hearted-evil-bitch-who-looked-nice-from-the-outside, then you are a sinner (or Lucifer's child). not me saying that, a friend told me. :)

College life is ok la. just a plain thing in my eyes. oh, getting fleshier in a way. must diet.

  • Current Music
    Signal Fire - Snow Patrol


if i would be given a chance to do something, i would like to burn down my college and with her fkn money stuffed in her. that'll be the greatest Christmas gift this year. :))

Mahatma Gandhi really opened my eyes today. even Asia has great political leaders. i just have to dig it out.

my heart has broken over the English test. now where did i put the plaster?

i slept a lot today. maybe a bit celebration for finishing a test for this sem. *roll eyes*

edit: i luv jo0 Basch! wait for me home kay? ^^
  • Current Music
    Maneater (again)

Yeh again.

im stuff for days now. thanks to raya, im feeling 'rich' with foods. maybe i should stock some for winter

i got a message from a weird number and the message center is the number from UK? omigosh

i cant wait for ffxii to come out. sad;y, im not gonna play it now since final is near. damn -_-

  • Current Mood
    indescribable indescribable

Yeh, elo ola.

wow, it's been a while.

one more day raya is coming. gee, i dont feel happy about it. should i or should i dont? meh, whatever.
mom's nagging, sister's arranging, brothers fkin annoying, relatives are pain in the a**. just hope i can get duit raya to watch the newest movie in town - death note. but who's gonna watch it with me? -_-

Kenny was fkn annoying, didnt apologize and acts like nothing happen. Al was sweet as hell but freaked out later. out of ideas now.

college is a dangerous place to be too, since perverts; old perverts can be easily found here, forgetting their lines with students. best friends are hard to find. some will not stab you at the back, but will drill your head slowly.

above all the nagging, selamat menyambut hari raya aidilfitri to all. peace.

  • Current Music
    maneater - nelly furtado

New Life.

time to update huhu~~

it's been a tiring week *sigh* anyway tomorrow i'll be heading for a new life. finally some changes *sigh harder* on monday i'll start my first class in a college. although i feel a bit scared since it's a new place (:wha:) but somehow excited. right now i can feel butterflies in my stomach *ugh*

my fate is leaving for japan and france. go fate, go! ganbate-neh! =D

my pc just recover from 'illness'. now i know Internet isnt just a dangerous place but deadly! x_X

tido time or mommy will karate me next morning--
  • Current Mood
    excited oh no, 'excited'!! *dies*

I've been blessed in bliss baby!

Thank you all for the comments. I really appreciate it :)

Moving on, i slept at fate's house yesterday. I like her family, very lovable and understanding. 'Thank you for letting this stupidioustious[new word Oo] girl stay '*haik haik* (is imagining it). Ferhan, umm dunno much bout him cuz didnt talked with him much but can say he's cute, very i mean XD. Fara the otaku, very cute, innocent and nerdy *Gacha Gacha*. Luqman the naughty lil brother, chubby, cutie-cute and mischievous in various ways. We went shopping and thank god it's sale now. Bought a sweater? (i dunno, fate said so O.O), microphone :P, KH2 game <3 and new number ...(-_-). fyi, someone stole my hp in komuter train, along with my number with it. Hai...what to do, stuff happens ...Y_Y

fashion<--->fate *is stoned*

got lots to tell but hell it's hard passing it from brain to fingers later to keyboard for typing lastly for posting. having a flu, headache, heartache, this and that ache are draining the best of me. later ;)
  • Current Music
    no music__only dead theme in my head

(no subject)

wow, my first update. thanks again to Fate for this lj. you're the best *huggies* ^^

First quarter of this week, one of my best-est friend or my former crush i might say >.< left for Brazil. Nope, not for FIFA but for his family. Sad sad, crying non-stop and felt an emptiness in my heart. "Aww you'll get over it dear", Fate said. Then again, time will tell. oh god..-_-

The guy i had a crush on before did something that turned me off completely. Called me mangkok, stupid, etc. Asked him to stop it but he didnt listened. *curses*  bye bye then~~ :/

Looks like i'll never go to any university or colleague. My mom keeps rejecting the offers and hopefully i'll get polytechnic that is far more cheaper and safer >> typical mom. Pushes me EVERY-single-day, "WORK WORK WORK!". Yeah yeah mom, i know. I'll fine one, promise >.< *is lying*. Hates to have a job now cuz of nightmares i had working before. curse that woman! X_X

I am so dead soon *curses* [out]
  • Current Music
    saving me - nickelback

One more cup to get me moving.

Someone's pissy about going unmentioned, so here...
Collapse )

Carrying on...

I've spent the past 2 days without a single cup of coffee.
Today, I fell asleep (literally) all over the place. I'm too lazy to move, walk, talk, even breathe.

Everyone's falling sick.
= Fadi has a nasty fever from staying up & working for the past 72 hours.
= Nicky is still hospitalized as far as I know.
= Ferhan is in the hospital with a bad throat infection.
= Kairee has a horrible case of food poisoning.
What's going on here?

My first modelling class yesterday went well. We ran through the basics an it was all good fun. Now I pretty much walk everywhere in my heels to practise. I want to pull this off like a pro.

Mrs. Mosiun asked me to help replace her on the 16th. I'll be teaching English & English Literature.
How awesome is that?

I watched "Radio" today.
Made me cry like mad.

I suppose it's just mood swings.
I've been generally pissed off at everyone and everything.
I need some alone time. BADLY.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil-Adha!
My apologies to everyone who's been so sweet to wish me by sms.
I'm dead out of credit. Sorry.
  • Current Music
    Blink 182 - Anthem