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reason now for an endless liar

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[11 Sep 2005|10:46pm]
and sometimes i wish i didnt open my heart, my soul to you.
for selling our bodies

[18 Aug 2005|10:26pm]
[ mood | working ]

dont you wish, that we could buy back time, take back what we once had, and start from scratch?

for selling our bodies

[06 Aug 2005|11:07pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

it just goes to show you, who is more willed in a game of playing chess. who has the passion to be stronger than as "manly" as you wish you could be. back when i was young, and niave, you were ten feet tall, but ive got the upper hand, and your nothing any longer. i hate to see this game go to waste, but giving up is for losers, so im sorry to say that your a loser. now i run into you, and i question.. " what was i thinking". for, you have become another one of 'them' who you swore up and down that you wouldnt become. but you have, because it takes guts to have brains.. and its too bad there is none in that nogin of yours. i feel as if ive wasted a part of me, in which you havent invested. youve only invested in being envious, withdrawn, secluded. dont you hate that, when you thought you knew someone.. but they have been unreal in the manner that they wish they could be who they were to you? yes, these memories are so shallow its unbelievable. but ive got to laugh or ill feel pitiful. ill succeed, and youll decrease in all your splenders of nothingness.

for selling our bodies

[06 Aug 2005|01:51pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

its in my nature to say how useless you are to me, and my compassion is less than an ounce of your courage

for selling our bodies

[01 Aug 2005|08:58pm]
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3 for selling our bodies

all you can do, is laugh. [24 May 2005|06:22pm]
[ mood | defeated ]

all that was written in the past was so pathetic. all the wishing was so unorganized and called wishful thinking. i cant take back the past. thats for sure. like anything meant anything anyways. looks like i did more harm than good.. so ill take everything and carry it in a suitcase and shove it down my throat only to be regurgitated. i used to say i couldnt call anything my own, but i can.. i can call my life my own and cant be owned by another human being. how desirable. expectations dont sit high with me as it used to months ago. this could be said about many. we're talking about our lives, and how it used to be. we're talking about your voice, and how i used to feel like it was paradise. the wishful thinking of never letting go, the wishful thinking of never forgetting every word we spoke. i have forgotten all those. or maybe i should just bite my tongue, and let those words hang from my heart. i cant speak these words, because i can only imagine, that i make things worse. but i cant help it. im sorry. many nights i wish that some nights wouldnt end, maybe we could rewind.. and pause at the parts that we love most. so im sorry, i cant speak these words.. i know theyll only get worse. and im sorry, for not understanding. now it looks too late. you cant say its fate.. it only ends just like any other one would. its not like i cant say this, its only that i dont want to. (i feel like the only way to get over him is to find someone else but i just dont think thats quite fair. to give someone else the feelings i have for him.. and only him. i like to think that he reads this everyday like he used to, but i know hes not. i like to think that hes thinking of me at this very second, but i know hes not. im sure he hasnt given me a second of the day. [april 21st 2004]) and sometimes, i can feel that still, theres no point in communicating. and i can still hear you saying, " i want you in my life one way or another." and somehow everything works out, just not the way we thought it would. but thats okay, im sorry . ill just let these words hang from my heart.. ill just let them slip out when no ones there. you cant promise anyone tomorrow. and you cant promise anyone that youll love them tomorrow. and you cant promise that youll be thinking of them and you cant make someone love you. all the memories hang from, the tip of your tongue. "....She's taking me to Sadies, but I don't know whats going on with the whole thing. I'm suppose to wear bunny ears for Halloween, but we'll see what happens. Oh, we were out yesterday and I said 'bloke your grasses' instead of 'broke your glasses' or something like that, and Christine thought it was hysterical for some reason. I don't know, but she wanted to put that on here; Hmm....wrote a lot more than I thought. Oh well. But now I'm off. Love you Christii.

-Mark [ oct.28th 2003]" lets just pause at our favorite parts.. and forget all we missed. lets forget who we kissed, and who we held.. lets pretend like no words hang at the tip of our tongue.

" we drive tonight,
and you are by my side,
were talking about our lives,
like weve known each other forever,
time flies by,
with the sound of your voice,
its close to paradise,
with the end surely near,
and if i can only,
stop the car,
and hold onto you,
and never let go...
we're around the corner,
to your house,
and you turn to me and say,
'ill be going through withdrawel of you,
for this one night we have spent',
and i want to speak these words,
but i guess ill just bite my tongue,
and accept someday, somehow,
as our words that will hang from,
and i..
i dont want to speak these words,
cause i,
i dont want to make things any worse,
why does tonight..
have to end..
why dont we hit restart,
and pause,
at our favorite parts,
we'll skip the goodbyes,
if i had it my way,
ill turn the car around,
and run away,
just you and i."

for selling our bodies

[23 May 2005|09:41pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

its sad, how the ugliest people are the most into themselves.. its irritating, and gross to say the least

1 for selling our bodies

[17 May 2005|08:36pm]
you broke the glass that you walk on. you created this yourself, and yet you cannot figure the way out. your stuck against every word you left on the table the night the sky broke. the one word that sounded like two, stretched and still stretches across your lips everytime you try to close your tearing eye. open up all the precious boxes and behold, all the words that are inside that you couldnt release is standing still. if you passed tomorrow, can you feel comfortable to lay peacefully, all that you left behind that you couldnt leave to rest. everyone you knew, they left and you scream but theyre too far gone. somehow i know youll find your way out, and away you let go of the stars you wished to hold tight, til the tears would turn to wine. and your whispers turn to sweet air. you broke the glass that you walk on. you broke the glass you slipped on. you broke the glass that was precious to you. your hearts on fire, and its inflated with pain. let your heart do the talking. let your mind sleep tonight.
for selling our bodies

[12 May 2005|06:14pm]
[ mood | honest ]

she cant imagine to kiss his lips any longer. she fakes her entrancing smile when he tells her the 'good' news. she figured she couldnt handle it, somewhere deep she thought it would be. it bothers her more and more as the day grows. the less and less she can ignore it. she comes home, and rips through letters, upon letters. and more. seems like, shes a pack rat, she saved everything for many years. but at last, she finds what shes been looking for. wrapped sweet and neatly, in a pink bow with a tie, are the photographs, the letters, the memories. they must have some type of spell on them, for she cant figure out why her heart just plunged to the bottom of her torso. she unties, as she cries. slowly the tears drip.. drip drip down her cheek, as she reads. she tends to think.. this couldnt be to me. months ago she knew what those letters felt like, and now those are the memory. she cant stop reading them over and over, she cant stop wondering.. how it was all over.. and over. when it had happened, she wrote letter after letter, trying to make sense of how she felt, trying to get the one thing she needed back. but all over.. and over.. it all sounded the same. nothing but repeating. and endless circles of screaming. too little too late. too much.. easy to break. it was over from day one, is this the path? the chosen one? never to know, only to guess. and her letters just coming, they just progress.

the final:

there is so much anger, so much stress, so much crying. giving this back to you, i feel i can finally close myself. i am with someone, that doesnt make a difference. now you have found that someone. the things you said you felt, you used to feel for me, the way you acted like you cared, that used to be the same for me. im returning every ' i love you' im returning all the memories. i cant help but think what you said to me was fake. the ' i love yous' the hugs, the kisses. i used to feel all you wanted was me physically, the last time we hung out. you proved me right. there was nothing emotional for you, but there was for me. this isnt like all the others, when i would say goodbye and talk to you again. this is for real. you kissed one and you acted like it was nothing, and if you cared you wouldve done something, but you didnt. thats what you wanted, nothing. you didnt have to say something, for me to understand what you felt. im returning everything. and i guess you could say this is my way of erasing. i cant explain all my words in detail, my minds just drifts from everything im thinking at once. i used to admire you, but it seems like you dont have any unique feelings for anyone. obviously i was not what you wanted. even from the beginning. i kept reading your letters over and over the more and more i would get angry. how can you say the same things for each girl you feel emotionally for? i just cant understand. i guess deep inside i knew we werent going to get back together, i guess deep inside. from the time we hung up that night, it was over. i knew it. and yes, i broke it, but you continued. we are so different, i cant imagine us in love. maybe it wasnt love. i dont think it was, the more and more i look at it. you seemed cold.. i wanted more. goodbye.

for selling our bodies

[04 May 2005|06:50pm]
[ mood | confused ]

tight spaces everywhere, you cant even breathe. all thats on your mind is the next day after this. theres a sharp pain, it stands still when you hold it back, and when you let go it rages in anger. theres nowhere to go from here it seems, and when you speak, thin air comes out. as if your looking for something, but its nowehere to be found, your heart has left its cavity and you have no specific way of living. what do you do from here. there is infamous words and none lead you to the destination. your eyes become droopy, because of lack of understanding. theres nothing more you can take back with you. where do you go from here?

for selling our bodies

[27 Apr 2005|07:43pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

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this is what you see when you look in my direction:
incandescent corsets draw eyes tight like wires.
this is how it feels,
calling out but no one even hears

the signals that we send over the air
over the air
over the air
over the air.

when you say my name,
i want to split it from your lips
and hide like whispers in the rain.
when you say (when you say) my name (when you say it)
i want to stop it in your lungs
and collect all of your blood to put in the radio.

is this how it feels
when you dont even fit into your own skin?
and its getting tighter,
every day i'm getting smaller
if i keep holding my breath i'm going to disappear.

when you say my name,
i want to split it from your lips
and hide like whispers in the rain.
when you say (when you say) my name (when you say it)
i want to stop it in your lungs
and collect all of your blood to put in the radio.

there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on the radio.
there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on.

if i keep holding my breath, all of this will fade away.
if you keep driving we'll be lying in the wreck.
changing the shape,
folding like an envelope to keep each other in.
shattered glass, broken looks, and mascara gets
washed away by windshield wiper blades
safe, safe

when you say (when you say) my name (when you say my name),
i want to split it from your lips
and hide like whispers in the rain.
when you say (when you say) my name (my name)
i want to stop it in your lungs
and collect all of your blood to put in the radio.

there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on the radio.
there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on the radio.
that's where we hide
the love and lies and sex, on the radio.
for selling our bodies

[03 Mar 2005|07:46pm]
your my fucking star, shining so damn bright... underneath the midnight light.
for selling our bodies

[24 Feb 2005|12:49pm]
the more i think about it, the more i realize it was all wishful thinking. why stop yourself now? youve crossed the line long ago.
for selling our bodies

[20 Feb 2005|07:04pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

youll never amount to anything, even if you tried. youll never go where you want to go, because your full of hot air. and when your standing there, all by your lonesome... ill be the one at a loss of words

for selling our bodies

[15 Feb 2005|05:48pm]
[ mood | rushed ]

i was with him, outside your favorite place to eat. i figured this could be a time where you could see i was happy or i could just run away. i never wanted to run into you in the first place. my heart skipped two beats. i saw you.. and i turned my back on you.

for selling our bodies

[14 Feb 2005|02:39pm]
[ mood | loved ]

where true lovers belong

valentines day 2005
for selling our bodies

[12 Feb 2005|11:03pm]
it seems as if we must fight a fight or battle to win, but theres nothing to win. it seems theres competition whether we try to make it or not. more or less of who is majestic, confident or independent. raise your chin high and brush them off as if they werent a part of your past. a big part of your past. try to be kind, but nothng too straight forward, we must keep a mystery between us to uphold our mysteriousness that we have lost. within each other. such remarks trying to be suddle, but they hit the target that we desire. its as if we are from the 1950's, back where stabbing knives in backs, drunkenness, and being more than ever superior to one another. "o haha, such a way with words you have as to not know where i stand" as we sip on tea, smile to the faces we used to know and turn our backs to whisper lies. so WHAT IS IT that we hold for each others future? what is it that we do? or what makes us this way? we carry on the conversation and for what it seems as days to go on and on.. we talk of today, tomorrow and what once used to be...
for selling our bodies

[09 Feb 2005|02:02pm]
i used to believe that we could turn back time, until recently i figured that we couldnt. i used to think we could just reverse time and start over new, or at least go back to a place where we felt most comfortable in. yesterday, was my awakening. theres so much to say, and so many secrets its hard to think of where to start. if i was to say the secrets that i hold to you, i know there would be judgement. that used to be hard to say but now i just face the unforgettable facts, and just let myself have it. its hard to say such things where at some time and place, i felt safe. now after a major stepping stone that i have expierenced yesterday, i couldnt say that life is a mistake. i only wish that i could see it one more day. it will never be forgotten. but it will never be spoken of, but in my heart.
for selling our bodies

[03 Feb 2005|05:59pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

its just the price to pay to know the facts. somehow everything unwinds. its like a list of things that you wish you couldve said but never had time to say. thats what a journal is. a help to catch up with time. destiny is calling me, its what the future holds. ill never know because i held back everything i couldve said, and all thats left is the soft breath that has now just left your lips i used to kiss. they belong to someone else now. its okay.. sometimes id like to say. you dont have to lie. you dont have to hide yourself. im not here to say much anymore. i have no more room to speak. im getting closed in on, and this is unstoppable. time slips through our fingertips like grains of sand from the beaches we walked on that summer. ill never forgot, although sometimes i wish i could just erase memory and start over. that is inevitable. time is our enemy. it just breaks us, or is it.. that we break ourselves- each other? there are phrases i know ill never forgot you said, whether they are hurtful or pleasant. events are etched in my mind so vividly. it must hurt to repress everything that you feel, it must hurt to watch someone walk away, and no trace left behind them to follow. we must step aside now, and watch the rain wash it away.

for selling our bodies

[01 Feb 2005|03:20pm]
its like you bagged me up and took a hammer to my body, you smashed me into the pieces that you wanted. the pieces that you never took.
for selling our bodies

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