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[ website | l.a.m.e. ]
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[27 Oct 2013|03:09am]
eighteen months, it seems both longer and shorter than that somehow. it is a little funny though, i still have that knee-jerk thought of woo! let's celebrate and get smashed.
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[28 May 2013|02:35am]
feeling kinda depressed tonight, its been a rough year. there are far too many people in my family on facebook to talk about it there, the last thing i want is a bunch of people overreacting to some random post there.

i know its been a long time of neglect here, things are really ok, just something about the weather that feels like october and that brings its own associations along with it.

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[23 Apr 2013|05:57pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

things have been in flux lately. there have been several times of the last few years that i have considered deleting this account, its my friends list that keeps from following through.

ive had this account for more years than i can remember, i have met friends and a few more than friends here.
still i dont post like i used to, i guess blogging face book and all those other venues have taken over as the primary outlet for, i dont know, creative outlet or whatever.

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[25 Aug 2012|12:17pm]
been awhile, been going thru a bunch of changes the last few months, im not going to rehash it all here but if you are curious you can probably piece it all together from what is written here:
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[14 Mar 2012|02:59am]
its not that ive given up but that im having more and more difficulty seeing any sort of point anymore.
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[08 Mar 2012|03:54pm]
years ago it would have made me want to kill myself, now though, i just want to throw a rock though a stained glassed window or maybe shoot a panda.
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[07 Mar 2012|06:44am]
i find it rather ironic that one can rush towards their own destruction by doing nothing at all.
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[05 Mar 2012|02:12am]
id like to begin to say that i am glad that they are.

but there is something gut punching viscerally painful knowing that they are doing better without you in their lives.
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[02 Mar 2012|03:56am]
we found the ground an that damage was done.
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[27 Feb 2012|04:32pm]
s'funny if i had somebody, i'm pretty sure i would doing better.
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Writer's Block: Tears of Joy [19 Feb 2012|02:03pm]
What was the best day of your life?

i dont remember much about the day. i know she got a tattoo and at some point hugging me from behind, saying that i was all she wanted, she needed. but that night, i remember that night pretty damned well.
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[16 Feb 2012|02:51am]
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[25 Jan 2012|11:58am]
s'funny, i write things that make me cry when i reread them.
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[24 Jan 2012|02:19pm]
i chatted with someone last night, online, an artist that i admire. i felt like a person again.
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[20 Jan 2012|05:26am]
i have to say that anne hathaway is the audrey hepburn of "my" genereation
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[15 Jan 2012|12:13am]
i had a dream last night, or i guess it was more a nightmare. its was a variation of one of the few common themes i seem to have, this one involving loss of motor control, body tremors, slurred stuttering speech, inability to articulate but thinking fine, stumbling flailing around, unable to crawl.

its a scary feeling, you have little or no control and youre worried that everyone just thinks youre drunk or something.

the specifics as far as i can remember was that i was in a movie theater, i think my sisters were there and another person who was either a friend or a girlfriend, and we were seated near to or that the back, at some point i started having some kind of seizure, my muscles twitching on their own, my arms and hands vibrating, and i was trying to tell everyone not to worry, or something like that, but everyone kept telling me to shhhh, be quiet, or to shut the fuck up.

these dreams i eventually figure out are dreams,and pull myself awake, but getting back to sleep, that didnt really happen.
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[08 Jan 2012|03:24am]
my teeth hurt.
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just another bit of what ive been working on lately [05 Jan 2012|11:17pm]
There is something special about being in your twenties, particularly early twenties. It's a time of your life where you've learned to stop sweating the non-problems of your teen years and have yet to really experience the bigger ones that you aren't aware of that are lurking around the corner. You can sneak beer into movie theaters and eat noodles from that corner shop every night. A futon is a clever idea instead of an embarrassment,and its OK to be sharing a apartment with another human being you aren't sleeping with... Hardships is really just adversity and you're expected to hate your job. Reading books nobody's heard of by obscure author is a badge of honor. You can be cynical but remain untouched by true bitterness and you can fall completely in in love with someone at the drop of a hat, or skirt come to it, because you haven't had the chance to be fucked over quite that badly by experience to really know any better.

The trade-off, of course, is that you really don't know nearly as much as you think you do but maybe that's no such a bad thing, considered.
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[03 Jan 2012|04:41pm]
we're young enough to say


its gunna be a good life.

a good, good life.
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[02 Jan 2012|03:51am]
i know that i haven't posted art in some time, i've been rather uninspired in that area lately, i have been writing however. i have written about a quarter of a story that is still rough and to be honest i have no idea how will end.

i don't know if it's any good or not, so i think ill post a bit here and let you maniacs rip it apart, if you're interested drop me a line with your emails and i will send you what i have so you can tear that apart as well.

When i was in college i was given a book by a girl who i was convinced that i was in love with, as it turned out it wasn't love. It was more that she was edgy, liked comic books,spoke cryptically, and had the correct corresponding bits "down there".

The book was Good Omens, to this day it sits on my shelf held together by bits of packing tape, its covers curled like ribbon and pages stained from reading and rereading in while smoking,standing out in the rain and meals eaten from countless restaurants.

The book itself taught me more about the nature of life, the universe, you know, everything, better than the Bible ever had. I guess you could say that's like saying that you get all your news from Jon Stewart but there you have it, sometimes, in order to understand somethings you need to look at it from a fresh perspective.

I guess what i am saying here is that i truly do believe that there is more than a little merit in learning something important, some truth from a joke than there is in blindly believing a lie.

well that is just a bit if you want more i'll need an email.
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