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Matthew Kelly

[ website | Caligo DA HQ ]
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An interesting, if somewhat gross, realization [Sep. 11th, 2006|12:20 am]
Matthew Kelly
As many of us know, the somewhat uneloquent American right wing often refer to the islamic world (this, of course, means the entire islamic world - remember, one of the world's three biggest religions is, in its entirety, a fundamentalist sect) as 'camel-f*ckers', obviously intended as a derogatory term to imply that muslims are morally inferior and/or should be disposed with. This is stated even though islamic states carry extremely severe punishments for beastiality. Meanwhile, the good old american heartland has provided conditions where a man has been able to legally marry a horse and, erm, consumate the relationship. War for beastiality? O_o
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New avatar! [Aug. 21st, 2006|03:17 am]
Matthew Kelly
Lo, the power of Mentok the Mindtaker! eeeeeeouuuoooooooeeeeEEEEEEEUUUOOOOOOOO...
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Fashion SWAT - More NHL Jerseys [Aug. 19th, 2006|01:59 pm]
Matthew Kelly
Let's see what other embarassing designs the NHL has provided us with, shall we?

That's all for now. I'm running a little dry on current jersey designs and it's a little more difficult to find images of older ones (although there are ones out there that make the worst of these lot seem downright classy), so there may or may not be a third instalment; if there is it will probably be somewhat abridged.
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Snakes on a Plane [Aug. 19th, 2006|01:20 am]
Matthew Kelly
[Current Music |The Raconteurs - Steady, As She Goes]

Saw it earlier today. Cancel the oscars, we have our best film.
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Fashion SWAT - NHL Jerseys [Aug. 7th, 2006|09:07 pm]
Matthew Kelly
[Current Music |Led Zepplin - Dazed And Confused]

There's a lot of these I'm itching to take a swipe at so another one of these is definately penned in for the future. Cripes, there's a lot of terrible jersey designs out there...
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(no subject) [Aug. 2nd, 2006|12:01 am]
Matthew Kelly
sorry about the complete lack of entries from the last few weeks. The truth is, very little has happened until I quit the safeway stint back on Saturday. Some bullet points over what has happened since then.

-got pidgeonholed into going to the stampede rodeo. Somehow the idea of getting on an animal known to be dangerous, pissing it off, and seeing how long you can stay on dosen't strike me as the most intellectually sound concept for a sport. If you want to stop being called hicks, this would be a good place to start improvements.

-saw Broken Social Scene, oddly as headliners for the folk music festival. GO SEE THIS BAND, they're a phenominal summer band and their performances are perfect for warm outdoor nights.

-went to the zoo today. Saw otters. And stag fellatio o_________o

I have something coming up for a next entry which I hope to be special. To certain kinds of people anyway. Until then...
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More Oddities [Jun. 14th, 2006|10:35 pm]
Matthew Kelly
[Current Music |Red Hot Chili Peppers - Turn It Again]

I feel I don't neve need to comment on this one...

*while sweeping*
girl: We were all in art yesterday
dad: Really? Who's Art?
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Oddities [Jun. 11th, 2006|11:54 pm]
Matthew Kelly
Two odd shoppers from the other day

-I didn't get much of a look at this one, but early one shift I spotted a guy who had his laptop strapped to the handlebars/basket ledge of his shopping cart. He was filling out Excel spreadsheets while browing through the fucking chip aisle. It took about five minutes for it to really sink in that he was physically doing work DURING HIS GROCERY RUN.

-The day of game two of Carolina/Edmonton I bagged the groceries of a large bespeckled woman wearing a Conservative Party t-shirt (first of all, what the hell? Who wears a political campaign t-shirt six months after an election?). Beyond the mere physical oddity of the shirt, however, was her discussion of the upcoming game. Hardly surprizing on its own, I've had shoppers talk about it to me all the time during game days, but this woman set herself apart by her declaration of how the Oilers would win the series because she prayed for them, and that Carolina's victory would signal a triumph of satan. That's right, ladies and gentlement - in a world wracked by ecenomic distress and terrorism, we have people dedicating prayer to HOCKEY. As a heaven-hell battle no less. o_____o
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A Safeway-Sponsored Rant [Jun. 3rd, 2006|11:56 pm]
Matthew Kelly
After a few days of my mind-blowingly crap summer job at Safeway, I've noticed something. People are douchebags. Part of my tasks as a 'courtesy cleark' (ie - bagboy with other, equally crummy small jobs tacked on. Yay!) involves sweeps. You know that huge-ass push broom that's like four feet wide they use in grocery stores? On designated hours I get to use that and run it through the aisles and other parts of the store. Sweeping aisles usually involves pushing the broom up one side, turning at the end, and running along the opposite side. Obviously, shoppers and such are using the aisle space while I'm... brooming. This is where my beef begins. Some individuals are quite courteous and move over to the other side of the aisle when I ask politely for them to move (oddly, old women seem to be the most nice about this). About 80% of the time, though, I'm either ignored or, more often, given The Unholy Glare Of Death before they shuffle off to the other side of the aisle. Having a broom in my hands seems to mark me as the source of all derision in the eyes of those within the store. To those individuals - yes, I apologize. I forgot that the act of stepping three feet to the left is a physical act requiring many years of hard training, and Olympic Sidesteppers are few and far between in Calgary (they're more often seen in the Vancouver area which contains far better athletic sidestepping equipment and facilities). I also realize that doing so adds a whopping half-second to your shopping experience, eating away valuable time for you to drive around in your pointlessly large SUV and pickup truck (both extremely necessary for grocery runs in an urban environment with paved roads) and watch the latest episode of Desperate Housewives or whatever show they have nowadays people think is 'good'. Trust me, I'd rather not have a job involving me sweeping grocery store floors in the first place and therefore wouldn't have to ask you to get out of the way, but there's a reason sweeps are done. There are stupid amounts of people making use of the space in a given day and unless you want to buy your food in a place with floors covered with the trash of previous customers, please move the fuck over in a manner that dosen't suggest some herculian effort on your part.

I saw another truck with a confederate flag license plate on the front bumper. It seems like these plates are always found on a ridiculously huge pickup truck or a trashy delivery van. Jesus, if this place really is peppered with so many confederate supporters I shudder to think what it's like in states that were actually PART of the confederacy. And the Texans wonder why I never want to set foot in their state...
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Jebus... [May. 30th, 2006|01:15 am]
Matthew Kelly
[Current Music |RHCP - 21st Century]

I was flicking through the channels this morning before going to work and wound up finding George W. Bush on a talk show, doing an impersonation of Bill Clinton. And it was good.

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