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Why Mpreg? Great Therapy!

Posted on 2019.04.02 at 03:06
Tags: ,

No one likes to be judged for what they need to explore, and what others may not be ready for. In a place where individual tastes and experience levels are infinite, I'm in a place where my mpreg males never show physically like women. No big bellies. They always look and behave as males, and are classified distinctly from the female pregnancy experience. But I allow all versions, it's really the writing/characterization that determines if I can get into it.

That being said, I realized years ago that I use fantasies to let go of pain and to manage emotions that have no welcome place in the "real world." Because the imagination is lawless, it welcomes everything you can give it and is tremendous therapy in soothing issues that have no other way to voice themselves. I wrote a piece on noncon to try to understand this. Since fiction is a place where your personal issues and your fascinations can run wild together, they tend to marry and become your own way of healing yourself. Many women have issues with sex and pregnancy that is just too close to home, to get any enjoyment from self-inserted fantasies. But, use a male whose very anatomy removes him from the heaviness of the realistic factor, and use one that you love, and you've got the makings for the most satisfying drama on earth. It's one that deals with your private issues without throwing you and your problems in your face. A beloved male is running around being forced to think about all the things you won't let yourself think about, or receiving the love and attention that you'd like. He's taking the hits for you, and soothing you to a better feeling place about it all. It's basically a way to love something you might not love (for me). And the therapy is real, regardless of the fantasy setting. If you feel it, even through imaginary scenarios, then you are being led step by step through your own belief system and whatever emotions may have thrilled or frightened, or fascinated you.

There's more I could say, but a part of me loves that this is a mystery that has caught hold of a growing segment of people. It's happening for a reason and is not an accident. Fun heals serious pain, and people have issues that only mpregs speak to. If you have no compassion for what a woman goes through, who has to deal with the deeper decisions behind relationships, sex, and pregnancy, you might turn a cold shoulder to the concept of mpreg. But if you understand that the need to give those abilities to a man speaks of tremendous longing for equal respect and love, in an area where it isn't felt, then you might be forgiving of other people's tastes. Thanks for letting me speak on this. Here's some links if you're interested in exploring:  Masterpiece- Severus, Unbearable - Draco. Please recommend your favorite Mpregs below. I don't want to miss any great ones!

(credit to u/Fictional_Apologist on reddit for inspiring this answer)

And another thing:

People are being beaten up over the subject, so it's really hitting a nerve. If I can take up for somebody in need, I will. I felt ashamed for so many years when I didn't know anyone who had fantasies about M/M and the internet was not an option. Then I said to hell with it. What's so bad about giving yourself pleasure? It's not like we're hurting anyone and it's not like the publishers or movie-makers can give me what my mind can.

Do you see how people can readily accept house elves, magic of all kinds, and mega robot monsters, but you say something about a man having a baby and it's "absurd" and "unnatural". That speaks the truth about the hidden rejection/vulnerabilities that females are subjected to, but people pretend that it's not there and they're being perfectly normal. I say, "If you agree that childbirth is so wonderful and special, then let's give that job to a man and see if you still think it's sweet. Oh, that bothers you? Well it bothers me that that's really how you see it - a man should never be put into such a disgusting position, not even on an imaginary level. War, murder on CSI: Miami, and pedophilia on shows like Dateline, is preferable to that - but it's okay for women to suffer through it simply because that's what you're used to. Really? And we can't even pretend to let men do it too?" Now if men had to do it, that would be a different story. It'd be something terribly noble and highly respected, no greater prestige... you get the point.

Yeah, that's love and acceptance to every female child born into this world, and we say, 'No fucking thank you'. Who can blame us for amusing ourselves with watching males cope with all the chaos we're expected to be okay with? (credit to u/excruciasm on reddit for inspiring that answer)


Posted on 2018.08.21 at 02:29
I'm just going to put this here for safe keeping. It's awesome. <P>
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Masterpiece - Severus

Posted on 2018.07.29 at 19:45
allen rickman.jpg

I have written more fanfiction in the past two months, than I have in 10 years! And I have this man to thank for all the fun writing practice. Love you, Severus!
Fic: Masterpiece - Severus (Non Con, Slash, Gender Issues, Harry Potter)

Thank you so much! I respect your choices. <3


View the entire thread this comment is a part of

So this is where I'm at in 2018. In teaching myself to write small novels, while I still work on my epic, I've written a little fanfic called, Unbearable - Draco For some reason, I can't let the gender issues go and after all these years of wishing I could write a Harry Potter fic that feels "right" to me, I've arrived at this. And because the story has proven to be too much for some gentle souls, I've created a wonderful Disclaimer # 2 for people who plunge ahead without reading warnings and then blame me for hurting their feelings.

Disclaimer #2 (This is not a real link)

We, the imaginary characters in this writer's head, hereby consent to playing roles that depict all forms of happiness and unhappiness, peace and violence. We are not of age because we have no age. We're just some energy she named after her current favorite characters. We are thrilled to act out the most hidden of human emotions. May you enjoy our non-physical performance, guilt-free. We exist to help you cope with all the freaking rules in your world. We are the raw emotion that needs somewhere to go. Enjoy, and let it rip! Oh, and if you cry, you're welcome. You needed that.

Elrond altered2

He's Still the Man of My Life: Sonny Preyer

Posted on 2018.06.12 at 18:08
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
2018!!  It's been years and years, and I'm still in love with this guy.

I suggest that you read through the introduction before following the links below. The links are there for added information, but are not vital, since everything will unfold in the story. (The links contain definite SPOILERS). Header and Warning found here. Enjoy.
Original date (?) May 12, 2006.


He was born to keep a promise.

Not even death will let him break it.

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Sonny Preyer

A Fairy Tale

of a different Kind

Copyright 2002 Bridgette H.



Sonny is an Illumenae.

Only one can walk the Earth at a time.

The Illumenae came about because some wise souls believed that those who cherish peace should not have to suffer those who relish war. They are individuals bred for one purpose, to renew the Promise that gives peace to the people of the The Realm. It is a genetic Promise, kept through propagation. And Sonny Preyer does not yet know that he is one of them.

Sonny is an instrument of power. He cannot defend himself, for deliberately harming another goes against his own life-giving energy. But harm finds those who provoke him, who threaten him, for his own power is confined within an infallible human adolescence, and has ways of escaping him.

Sonny is a brilliant, if troubled, student at Silver Springs High. Stigmatized by his fragile health, and medical secrets, his only consolation among his peers is a singing voice that makes even his bullies stop and listen.

The people in Sonny’s life are not who they seem to be:
Dr. Sanders, a prudent physician, has taken a special interest in him since birth, and limits his home practice to Sonny's needs alone. His school friend Brecca, and her cousin Elden, appear to have a sudden and inexplicable need for Sonny’s companionship. Shore, the new school counselor, says very little to Sonny, but is careful to watch his every move. Cale is the friend Sonny cannot remember having. And even Sonny’s parents, Amber and Dom Preyer, haven’t been entirely honest with their son.

His dreams of going to college come to an end when he is violently recalled to a world he once knew. The Realm is a green and abundant land, long forgotten within the vaults of his soul's memory. It is a world of castles, of sorcery, and of deadly magic. Here, every stranger knows the intimate secret Sonny takes great pains to keep hidden, and either loves him or despises him for it. Here, warriors vow to protect him from an enemy whose desire for him is as powerful as Sonny himself.

It is up to Sonny to find his way home from this place, where so much is expected of him. But first he has to face the one entity who stands in his way. Dastas.

Chapter One:
Part one
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven

Friends can find Sonny here. Thanks

Go to sonnypreyer.com

Join Sonny's update list!

Photo courtsy of Warner Bros./Time Werner

You're invited to my Snape party. We're all dressing up like Snape, but you can dress any way you want. There's Butch-Snape, Boyish Snape, Drary Snape, Trans-Snape, Androgynous Snape, Deatheater Snape, And Eternal Snape who survived the story and reluctantly, Het Snape. We're watching the movies and talking during them. We're gonna swap our best fan-fic.

Everyone has to retell the Snape story in their favorite way. Usually, I pair Snape with all the male characters, but I saw a video today and something new has got a hold on me. It's not new to fandom, but it's new to me. I wouldn't have given it a chance until I began to miss Alan Rickman/Snape so much, went looking for him, and found this vid. The energy and love I feel are proof that Alan Rickman is still giving, still alive, and his touch can still be felt. Eternal!


Oh, and I also ordered a life-size cut out of his awesomeness as Severus.

JK Rowling, I love you to pieces, but I can't limit myself to your parameters. You were a total genius when you made Snape. You shouldn't have made him so good. Once Alan Rickman added his deliciousness, my imagination had no intention of coming back or being told what to do.

Lily took her secret to the grave. Snape may or may not be into women. Snape may or may not be Harry's father. Snape was not emotionally ready for a child. He wasn't over his own traumas. It was bad enough that Lily chose James over him. Lily never confirmed it, but Snape's perception and intuition are superior. How bittersweet it might have been to realize the baby was his, yet Lily's silence remained proof of her regret. If she did not have confidence in his role as the father, how could he? Was it shame, or love for James Potter that kept her silent? She was Snape's friend. He was there for her. Maybe the conception happened when she needed comfort the most. Maybe James couldn't give her a child, who knows? I will never write this story, so I'm laying it here at this party. If you write it, I'll read it, but het isn't my first choice. Good writing can persuade me. :-)

James Potter, while fun and charming, could not provide the emotional depth, maturity, and genius that Lily found in friendship with Snape. In turn, Snape's brooding disposition was no basis for a romantic relationship. She knew that Snape had a problem with loving himself. How could he love another? A child? Maybe Lily sensed that Snape was the kind of person whose affections could not be limited to women or men, or family. But a stolen moment of comfort happened, whether it was meant to or not. Lily and Snape tried to put it behind them, but Lily learned shortly thereafter that she's pregnant. (If anyone knows where the quality fanfic is, tell me!)

With the threat of Voldemort's growing power, none of them had time to sort out their issues before Harry was born and a new story is told.

Snape never intended to have look into Harry's eyes and see him as anything more than just another student. Snape doesn't know how to accept and process love. He feels it, but he can't easily demonstrate and manage it. What he feels when he looks at Harry, is a storm of emotion. His defenses rise against it.

But he does look at Harry and he sees not only Lily, confused Lily. He sees the irony of besting James Potter and never being able to let the world know it. He sees the boy he is not allowed to claim as his own. The boy he doesn't deserve. The love he doesn't deserve. He sees the family that Lily was ready for, and he was unworthy of. The sight of Harry touches every insecurity within Snape. James Potter traumatized Snape, yet James was awarded the loveliest thing Snape had ever known. James was found worthy of Snape's child. Not Snape. And silence had to be kept, or forever tarnish Lily's perfect memory. Add that Snape kept Harry alive by being undercover for Dumbledoor and the Deatheaters, all while protecting Draco as well, and we cannot fathom the strength it took not to break under the pressure.

Oh, and another damn thing. This detail is so small and so great, I have to point it out here. I got this from
Im-wanderingaway: on youtube. In the wand fight between Snape and McGonigol, watch carefully:

Snape not only deflects McGonagall's attack but uses it to take down Alecto and Amycus in a single armwave behind his visual field. Like they both had their wand out too but BOY they did not see that coming. Snape knew that he needed to get rid of them before being driven out of the castle so that they wouldn't harm any of the students GOD what a baddass motherfucker.

So what happens when Harry wakes up to the truth?

NOW, watch this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3sYlbFXjog&index=27&list=PLfP3By3wYC51azxPUJj71cS4eaHJOIsvS&t=0s

Enjoy and thanks for reading.


It's taken me years to write this fan letter, but I didn't know how to say it and the experiences that would let me say it, hadn't happened yet.

I sat through the TV series "Lost" again, just so that I could enjoy that perfect perfect ending.

I may be one of the few people who actually fell in love with the ending. But spiritual people will get this. Now I understand why I love it so much. Its message is, 'No one really dies.' All the people we loved, all the people we didn't love, all had their reasons for making their mistakes and creating whatever life they created. All are redeemed on a greater level and all is valuable. If you're thinking I’m seeing only what I want to see, sure I am, but let me tell you why.

After twenty-plus years of dealing with asthma and traditional medicine that has no cure (among other unsolvable mysteries), I recently went to a hypnotherapist to see if I could find the real cause and cure. She practiced a special form of hypnosis, called Quantum Healing Hypnosis Therapy (QHHT). It is still considered a "fringe" science in some circles, so don't look for traditional doctors to validate it, some do however. While "under" I was regressed to a series of significant events that I have no memory of in this life. Before any of the regression took place, my foot started hurting. I had to interrupt the process briefly because of this. Now, while under, I did not lose consciousness. I felt awake and that I could stop the process any time I wanted. Only later did I realize this was part of my validation that what I was experiencing was part of a greater reality.

I found out that in three separate "lives" I had foot trouble that came from one initial injury, but I kept creating an emotional state that kept "re-opening" that wound, so to speak. None of this had to happen, it was all based on how I was making choices at the time. Out of fear or freedom.

The initial injury developed when I fell into a watery crevice while off exploring in the Virginia mountains. I was a young coal miner, but I loved to go off by myself every chance I got. Not to make anyone sad, but I didn't make it out of that fall. I was stuck immediately and cold water quickly filled in. Don't worry, it was bad for a moment, but it was over quickly and I felt so alive and buoyant and free afterwords, that I didn't know that my body never made it out. I always used to wonder how anyone could not know they're dead, like in folklore or superstitions. Now I know, you don't feel death after death, you feel greater life because you're not weighed down by the body anymore. (hint: I didn't want to be "stuck" in the life of a coal miner, so I exited when I'd had enough of that).

I remember flying over that wooded area, enjoying the beauty, but for some reason, I didn't feel I could leave. My memory wasn't the same. I had no memory of a body, I was somehow still the me I was used to being and didn't need a body. One day, a very compassionate man came and prayed for me. He knew that I had passed and that I didn't understand. He helped me and I saw myself leaving that place to get on with my life and future. I was free.

In another life, the foot injury showed up again whenever I had to make a painful decision that kept me stuck and indecisive. Stuck and indecisive equals fear, fear of what will happen if I make the wrong decision. In my present life, I experienced feeling stuck in a "no-win" situation and the foot pain just became a part of my life. The stuck feeling, when left unsoothed or unsolved, triggered the symptoms of the initial experience, along with the injuries: cold (I've always been cold-natured), unable to breathe, injured foot, stuck. In short, a panic attack, drawn out over years. In that first injury, the cold water took my breath. My foot was wedged in such a way that there was no chance of getting out of that crevice. The key is emotions and learning to soothe them by realizing we are freer and more supported than we know. Perhaps symptoms are our body's way of reminding us of lessons we've already been through and need not suffer again.

Since that session, I have not had an asthma attack, and I was having them every day. I'm not saying that I'm cured, because the recording that was made of my voice talking, said that it will be a gradual cure if I accept it on a deeper level.

Now, what does this have to do with the TV show Lost? Everything. Lost is about simultaneous lives and how death is meaningless. Lost is a supernatural drama that starts out looking like any other drama until you get caught up in the hero, Jack Shepherd's (Mathew Fox), compulsion to save as many people as he can from a plane crash. He's injured, confused, and just doing the best he can, with a heart of gold. And he ain't bad to look at, either! By the time his story and the other characters' are told, you end up caring for them all. Even the evil characters because there's just desperate people, not evil people. But it sure seems like it for a while. Nothing is black and white and you find yourself accepting people you initially felt you could never accept, due their corrupt nature. Like the Grinch, your heart freakin' expands three sizes.

Jack Shephard, who has a god-complex and always has to do what's right, gets a minor neck injury towards the end of the story. But that neck injury starts to appear, repeatedly, long before it is caused in Jack's timeline. It's always a mystery to him, because he doesn't yet understand that he is living simultaneous lives and experiencing bleedthroughs, literally. He's a very special man and I'm a sucker for that.

There are so many plot twists, you forget the show is more sci-fi/fantasy than traditional drama. There's a smoke monster, the question of whether none of them ever survived the crash, and dead people constantly making appearances. By the time it ended, I found myself floored by the performance of Benjamin Linus (Michael Emerson), one of the cruelest geniuses I've ever not wanted to like but had to admit how perfectly he played that role. All the characters went far deeper than I thought they would and made me care. But Jack… Jack is given one of the most beautiful conscious deaths that I've ever seen depicted in film or TV. Don't worry, he doesn't die the way we're told death is. All of the characters are given this to some degree, yet the story goes on. No one really dies and yet they are finally awarded a deep spiritual peace and reunion for all their struggles.

At the very end, the characters "solve" their life issues and begin to wake up to their multiple lives. If you research it, you'll find opinions that can only accept so much of the outlandish concept, so don't limit yourself to that. The show has so much to offer, nothing I've said really spoils it. That's why I watch it over and over every few years. The ending is never spoiled for me because Jack Shephard awakens from his life-struggle illusion to a greater life.

After my QHHT session, I can now put words to why I like the show so much. It reveals more of the truth behind the daily illusions we all struggle with. All packaged just right for me. (And by package, I do mean Jack.) Why does one person appear to have it easy and another to have it so hard? Friends in one life can be enemies in another, as the show depicts. It's as if each life or timeline is only one perspective in an attempt to look at an issue from every perspective. The minute I say I don't like something, another perspective exists where I do. I will only get to meet that part of myself if I can integrate my feelings, or the two will be separate lives to the other. If I hate doctors or policemen, I will not benefit from the natural healing and protectiveness that my other lives, where I am a doctor or a policeman, hold. On a subconscious level, the show, Lost, integrated and validated this for me. This is why it feels so good to get to the ending where all of the healing is.

If you read all this, thank you so much and bless you.


George Michael, You Graduated!

Posted on 2016.12.26 at 21:41
How crazy. On the morning of Dec 24th, I had the urge to find an old George Michael song that I never fully appreciated. Praying for Time. I found it on Youtube and took a moment to listen to some old stuff. Today I read that George Michael died yesterday. To me, he graduated. All the musicians/actors, etc. who gave me at least one great moment through their music and work, also inspired me to imagine a realm where we're all in school, we're all classmates, and we all take turns in different roles, no matter what our time on Earth looks like.

This got me thinking, we know why it hurts when a loved one passes, but when someone passes that you, apparently, had no relationship with, and it makes you think and feel for them, your spirit DID have a relationship with them. Your spirit did love them. And that's very real. I wasn't a huge fan, but dang if I don't feel shaken every time someone who made me care in a personal way, even a little bit, exits this world. It makes me realize that love really does connect everyone and the spirit recognizes God's value of everyone, whether we ever spoke to that person or not. Many blessings to George Michael.

The song below (to me) is the cry of humanity to God, crying the way an uncomprehending child cries to an adult. Only love and time will help the child to understand, not judgement or punishment

Thank you forever, Allen Rickman. You've graduated.

Pic courtesy of Warner at


It's been years since I last celebrated the HP epic with a post. Mixed feelings and inconsiderate remarks on my part left my journal in ruins. Emotions ran high back then! How silly now, but also great that fiction like Harry Potter can inspire people to passionate feelings. Thank you again, J K Rowling, for all your work.
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I watched all the movies back to back recently, and awakened a new appreciation for the journey. It really is a feast for the mind, for those of us with a taste for special, extraordinary boys. Snape was my second favorite character and only made Harry's scenes stronger. Feared having my heart broke at seeing him die again (could only watch that last movie once, was so wrong!) But on second viewing, with the cushion of years between the two, I was able to focus on the beauty of his role finally being revealed to Harry. That uplifted me a lot. I was too hurt to really appreciate it the first time. Noticed plot details this time that I didn't remember from the books. It was satisfying to see Malfoy's character allowed to return to a more substancial performance. Tom Felton showed considerably more talent than all the other child actors in the beginning, in spite of having a smaller role. Glad we had to take him seriously in the end. Love seeing him pop up in movies. And of course, it was wild seeing Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint grow as actors the way they all did. Their transformations are beautiful.

All of it was a better experience than the one I let myself have years ago. Except the ending, the last 15 minute summary of their lives, that's still too painful to let play out. Would love to see a resurgence of Harry as a young man and childless (because he's the special one. It's all about him.) and the subject of his sexuality going unconfirmed, just to keep the mystery open-ended. I had a great time revisiting JK Rowling's world.
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This is an old artlicle, but still relevant to cencorship and healing with the written word. I caution sensitive readers to think twice before reading beyond thest first two paragraphs. It's a look at why some writers have to go where others fear to tread. For me, it became a way to deal with the trauma of being held back in the fifth grade. Fictional rape encompasses the shame and humiliation that I felt as a 'failure', that I could not process unless I gave it to fictional characters. Through them, I loved and healed, and found tremendous therapy. Rape in fiction is how I’ve learned to take the hurt out of my own humiliation and put it somewhere else. This confines it to a reality where I control all the pain. It doesn’t control me...

It’s like facing a bully. What once terrified me, has become mine to command, to make dance like a puppet on strings for my entertainment. Little did I know that such content would become the scarlet letter of fiction. Any writer worth their salt has to write about what bothers them, what hurts them, what scares the hell out of them, as well as what makes them happy. You can’t dissect this from the writing experience and still have something worth reading about.

This piece is published elsewhere and was originally titled, Rape Fiction VS Rape Reality.
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Some of us try too hard to get what we want, and that's a sure indication that we fear we will not get what we want. That fear is just as active and influencing in our lives as the inspiration that we also feel. We forget that a cell knows how to divide and become a human being. A seed knows how to become a great Oak Tree. And a heart knows how to beat without instruction from our so-called superior intellect. A trillion calculations go on inside our bodies, just so that we can walk from one side of the room to the other. So it is, everything knows it's own order.
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This is for all the hard working people out there. We come from certain thinking, thinking that places the value of a human being on how hard that person can work and earn their keep. It's taught as a great work ethic, but it sure sounds like slavery to me, (all races and cultures suffered for that, not trying to bring anyone down). So we only value ourselves when we work hard. We work so hard that we wish things could be easier. We beg for easier while being driven to work harder.

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Learn to get the best from yourself.

Always have something to look forward to.

Whatever’s wrong, it always passes.

You deserve to be happy. Learn what that takes,Read more...Collapse )



Posted on 2014.06.25 at 17:00

THANK YOU TO THIS TEAM OF BEAUTIFUL DANCERS! I don't know who you are, but I hope to see more of you!

Title: Ender's Home
Author: Ca_tharsis_
Pairing: Ender/Peter
Warning: Nothing canon about it.
Rating: Take a chance.
Disclaimer: Made it up. Orson Scott-Card is the genius.
Summary: Seventeen year-old Ender is sent home after Commander School, and after his promotion to Admiral. Valentine and Peter are starting families of their own and Ender wonders where he fits in.

From the attic window, he watched for Valentine's Car. His personal console, a membrane-thin band around his wrist, kept him informed of her car's distance, her vital signature, and that of her unborn child's, as well as constants and fluctuations in various security checks around him. A third signature told him that Peter had agreed come along.

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Ender's Guilt

Posted on 2013.12.06 at 18:21
Tags: , ,
Ok, saw Ender's Game and I can't get it out of my mind. Not entirely comfortable with this since the main star is an under aged, slash worthy, Asa Butterfield. The filmmakers did too great a job turning him into a little man, worthy of my respect. I have a thing for geniuses anyway. Throw in his innocence and adult turmoil, and my heart didn't stand a chance.
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OMG! Sonny is number 19 in Amazon's top 100 Epic Fantasies. He's in the Free list, but so is Terry Goodkind, a best-selling author. I don't know if this has any credibility, but it nice! Hope I get to stay up there a while.



Sonny Preyer FREE on Kindle for 5 days

Posted on 2013.02.02 at 19:58

Sonny Preyer Vol. 1, is going free on Amazon's Kindle for the next 5 days, starting Feb. 3rd. And one free copy of any volume of Sonny Preyer that any reader wants, will be given in exchange for leaving a review on Sonny's Kindle page. This is for a limited time period. So please tell your friends and stop by to leave a review yourself. Liz, I was sure to give you credit for editing. :-)


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