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I'd like to sing to you... if you'd like me to.

the adding machine
10 May 1988
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'I Recall' chapter iii: The Wonder Years part one

in that film. the kid pee peed() in the other kid's applejuice because the monster told him to. or maybe it was the monster that pee peed() in the applejuice. either way, the piss was drunk and he got piss drunk and i wasn't allowed to watch that part anymore.

i remember asking my parents what 'shit' was as i was on my way to go take one.

we bought cowboy boots at Wal-Mart. slick as vaseline, they were. by the third step i had fallen ass first on the cold hard kitchen floor with my sunglasses on. cue the tears.

Benson taught me a joke but i didn't understand it. while playing with my globe, i pronounced Niger wrong and laughed uncontrollably. dad got mad.

piano lessons had been especially awful. the only thing i looked foward to was the ride home on my sparkly black mountain bike. fast i went. faster than the bees. the tune of the greatest Allan Parsons Project song played in my mind as i raised my fanny to the wind. i dodged all the sidewalk pine needles that had ruined similar bike trips many times before. little did i know, the danger was dangling from the tops of my feet, shredded and crusty from lack of attention and care. when i turned the corner, the chain latched onto my shoe strings and sucked them in like spaghetti, only with more velocity than any noodle could withstand. the wheels stopped turning instantly, but i trucked on for a couple more inches before i violently met the asphalt. in shock and still iffy on the whole tying and untying trick, i wasn't able to unfasten my feet from the bike lying on top of me. i cried and prayed for my mother. and after a shrill scream she heard the call and came to my assistance in a blue Escort. she untangled the string with the ease of a hunter unclamping the trapped foot of the bear he just caught and shot. "Walk me home, mother. Your boy is hurt and needs some peanut butter, pronto."