i used to be this girl, right?
i used to be this chick who was sad and angry and in love
i used to be this girl, right?
i had dreams that never came tru and were only crushed underneath the weight of my reality
i used to be this girl- who did things no girl should do
and i used to be this girl who had no regrets one way or the other
about very regrettable things
i used to be this girl who could get away with
incredible wrongs without thinking about it
i used to be so passionate about my own tragedies and about everyone else's
i used to lie and be all of these things and nothing at once
i used to think that so many things mattered and that it really, really
would be the end of my world
if this or that did or didn't happen
i used to be this girl and man, wasn't i fucked up?
drinking in alleyways and hallways that didn't or shouldn't have existed
burning these fires in abandoned houses that were especially haunted
depending on the substance at hand
i used to be this girl who lie stole and sometimes got caught
i could go home and wake up in the middle of the night with nosebleeds and
pass back out
i used to be this girl, right? until something
until i grew up
or something like that
i used to be this girl and together we used to be this boy and girl
who just didn't make sense
i used to be this girl who would throw up out of a two story window the night before
a big test
and still dizzy from the hangover i would go to class and flirt
with the boy who sat next to me and who didn't know
just how fucked up i was
i used to be this girl who broke boys' hearts unintentionally
and i used to do these things without knowing why
i used to be this girl who now i would laugh at
and say to get over it, to grow up
i would laugh at myself and leave myself to my own foolish ways and foolish way of thinking
i used to be this girl who if i saw her now i might envy her for
all of these things and that
strange freedom that comes with not really caring about your future
i used to be this girl who just wanted to become who i am now
and now i am this girl
who goes to school and goes to work and doesn't do those fucked up things
that she used to do
now i am this girl who you could trust not to break your heart
i am this girl who now doesn't reveal so much at once and give it all away
before she had a chance to get to know it for herself
now i am this girl
who has grown up just a little bit and now
this girl that i am laughs at all of those things that i used to be
and i shake my head at how
i got to finally grow up
now i am this girl and it's still only the begining and i can still only
laugh
at how far i still have to go

Dangerous Angels- by Francesca Lia Block

fucking shit

Farewell!

I feel oddly content with nothing working. Nothing works at all. My phone, the landlord, my money, life, clothing, the weather, but you know what? These things are beyond my control and my desire for control. So what if I can't quite afford to live? There are many worse things. Maybe I'll run away to India with Deep. I've been thinking of the possibility. He makes me feel like we're parts of eachother, the hard to find puzzle pieces that work. I wonder what kind of change would be good?

Maybe I should start learning Hindi.. Or Bengali.

Somethings on fire.

Well, yesterday a firetruck and the fire cheif showed up to the house because certain people(never myself... snickersnicker) were setting off firecrackers and smoke bombs in the middle of the day, in the middle of the street, right in front of the house. And someone, could it be our elderly neighbors across the street I wonder, decided to call the fire department. Mind you, these are the same neighbors that literally spy on us and call the landlord whenever people come over, which then causes the landlord to stop by the house at insane hours, such as 3 in the morning, which then causes much un-necessary distress to the people that live there who are honestly, quite harmless. And I understand the scare with the firecrackers, I do. Apparently, there were police and more fire trucks on the way but Deep and I talked to the Fire Cheif and all was well. Well, as well as well could be in that case.

This could be solved if our neighbors took their beef out with us instead of going to the landlord, who is his wife's bitch.

bitch bitch bitch!

Anyways, thinking of taking a little trip to the beach later on this summer, should be good times.

i'm not missed much, am i?

no, never.

anyone want to add money to the "gabbi's cell phone bill" fund? c'mon guys! all we need is to generate at least $250 between all of us, and I will have service back! If we each threw in.. $10-$20, the task of a lifetime would be complete!

We all get blue-eyed sometimes, lying to everyone around us. we don't know how to say what we think. god some things are sick, sick, sick like that feeling in my stomache. nothing we have to say is important.

My defences
Become fences

Now I'm stumbling

I change my face up
And if you think i'm fake up
Wait around till I take off my make-up
Here we go again
I meet another one
Her name is
She looks at me
Says I'm the only one

I met a Christian in Christiansands
And a devil in Helsinki
I met a Christian in Christiansands
And a devil in Helsinki

Is it getting better?

Wrote her a letter
Asking questions
Baby steps in sections
I mean we'll take it slow
I really don't know
When you talk
You make me cringe
Silver means to the messenger
I let her go don't question her

I met a Christian in Christiansands
And a devil in Helsinki
I met a Christian in Christiansands
And a devil in Helsinki

You and me, what does that mean?
Always, what does that mean?
Forever, what does that mean?
It means we'll manage
I'll master your language
And in the mean time I'll create my own
Buy my own

It means we'll manage
I'll master your language
And in the mean time I'll create my own

You and me, what does that mean?
Always, what does that mean?
Forever, what does that mean?
Always, what does that mean?
Forever, what does that mean?
It means we'll manage
I'll master your language
And in the meantime I'll create my own

It means we'll manage
I'll master your language
And in the meantime I'll create my own

It means we'll manage
I'll master your language
And in the meantime
It means we'll manage
I'll master your language
And in the meantime I'll create my own

You and me, what does that mean?
Always, what does that mean?
Forever, what does that mean?
It means we'll manage
I'll master your language
And in the meantime I'll create my own

It means we'll manage
I'll master your language
And in the meantime I'll create my own
It means we'll manage
I'll master your language

kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle kind of your jungle

domination and whose live do you live
deep into my eyes, eyes, eyes, lost in the eyes

(coming or cumming like jesus?)

sick, sick thought
you don't know me
the way you think you do

(everybody wants to be naked and famous)

So I'm going to New York for the weekend with Heidi and Brett.


CHILLAXIN