Pleasantly Sarcastic

In which our heroine relates select tales, about herself.

"All of your world is a bit strange to me, Miss Next. I come from a land of trench coats and deep shadows, complex plot lines, frightened witnesses, underground bosses, gangster's molls, seedy bars and startling six-pages-from-the-end denouements. I'm fictional, Next."
23, aggressive geekiness, alan moore, all things whedon, anime, anne sexton, appreciating kate, ariel/yasser, bad... so bad, bananafish, being a lady journalist, being cassandra, being married, being the main character, black bean veggie burgers, blixa the cat, bogarting the crazy, books-that-no-one-has-heard of, bourgeois anecdotes, boys of final fantasy, brittle and judgemental, bruno puntz jones, buffy the vampire slayer, chung kuo, colette, commiserating with k8, conspiracy theories, cop stories, correctly using the semi-colon, crazyladybadchild, cthulhu eats you, damned but not forgotten, darling emma, dave vanian/spike, diana wynne jones, discordianism, doctor who, dorrie the little witch, dr0nk, eastside italians, eddie izzard, edward gorey, elite businessmen, figure-skating off the edge, film noir detective slang, finding stars hollow, firefly, fnord?, gamebaby, gay pirates, giving really bad advice, gregarious nutjobs, gtriv, haiku tuesday, haruki murakami, having great hair, hirsute swarthy men, horrible horror films, hot elf action, i bleed for this?, i heart takeshi kaneshiro, i love the gay, in media res, inscrutable asians, irony poisoning, jonathan rhys meyers, journalism-fu, kids in the hall, little nancy blueberry, little piggy heaven, loyal man-servants, magical talking cats, magnus scherff, making up songs, maxwell demon/ziggy stardust, miles vorkosigan, mining the gay, mods vs. rockers, mopey brit pop, morrissey forever, my hero scott salowich, my rock star fiance, nervy brunettes, new pants day, nick cave mon amour, no hot dog buns, o my prophetic soul, old school bob dylan, oscar wilde's last words, our heroine, over-thinking everything, pj thursday, practicing good grammar, pretty-boys licking each other, reading murakami in airports, reading too much, real detroit horoscopes, real vanilla coke, redemption, researching the zombie apocalypse, ridiculously well-balanced, right action, rubaiyat of omar khayyam, sara k, sardonic quippers, schwa, seven-minute frosting, shakespeare's early days, shallow intellectual debate, sirius black, slash fiction, spike, squandering sanity points, st. maliakalani, stalking king arthur, sticky rice with mango, surreal-off, taking really bad advice, tea at the plaza, that's how we roll, the anti-gravity button, the blind poet, the cosmic joke, the impending zombie apocalypse, the late ian mcmurtrey, the law of fives, the makeover montage, the stainless steel rat, the trouble with alabama, thinged up, thunderstorms and atrocities, tlon uqbar orbis tertius, too much chartreuse, turtle day, twin peaks, two-tier blanket security system, vampirates, velvet goldmine, watching lots of movies, who killed evan chan?, witty banter, writing in pencil, zooey glass