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In which our heroine explains what's what.

  • Apr. 6th, 2005 at 10:18 PM
Butterfly wings

My journal is friends-only. If you want to be friends, leave me a note and I'll see what I can do.
Butterfly wings
I saw Sin City this weekend. I lerved it.

Sin City is what Quentin Tarantino has been trying (and failing) to do for years. Quentin Tarantino would give his left nut to be Frank Miller, who has been quietly cranking out neo-noir for longer than Tarantino's been able to get dates. I know he's a "guest director" -- that, to me, smacks more of Tarantino's desparation to keep tricking people into thinking he's "cool" than anything else.

I'm going to say this one more time: Quentin Tarantino is not cool.

He's not even that great of a director.

What he is, is overrated. He's pretty much got one note. As long as he sticks to that note, he does pretty well. But when he tries to go deeper (Kill Bill Vol. 2), he fails miserably.

QT has been trying to reinvent film noir since Pulp Fiction, but the problem is he's so goddamned smug that you can see his goddamned smirk in all of his movies. All throughout his movies, you can hear his voice, popping up to prod you into admiring his cleverness. "Look! Look!" you can hear him say as the opening credits for Kill Bill Vol. 1 roll. "I'm opening with a Klingon proverb! Isn't that cool? Isn't that clever?" Then later, "Look! I got UMA THURMAN to sword fight! Isn't that cool? Aren't I clever?" And so on and so on. Through the anime sequence. Through the Sonny Chiba bits. Through all of the references to classic kung fu movies. It's just so smug and self-congratulatory.

In a commentary on I <3 Huckabees, A.O. Scott writes, "...the real red/blue split screen showdown was not Passion vs. Fahrenheit but Friday Night Lights vs. I Heart Huckabees, which I did not Heart, partly because of its smug, bullying assumption that someone like me would have no other choice." (Emphasis mine.)

That's how I feel about QT. He thinks he's got my number. Well, pal, you may *think* you have my number, but I've sure as hell got yours. The Emperor? Has no clothes. And I'm not afraid to say it.

Seek, locate, exterminate, ARRR.

  • Aug. 19th, 2004 at 12:47 PM
Butterfly wings
Luke wants I should mention that the Robot Aliens beat the Pirate Elves, 24-20. I'm pleased the Pirate Elves did so well. At first, I thought that there was a big "sentiment" vote going on there, and that's why the Pirate Elves did so well against what seems like an unbeatable foe, but then I thought about it a little more analytically.

Obviously, it's all very subjective. I mean if, like Luke, you see Pirates as all drunk and stupid, and Elves as Keeblers, and Robot Aliens as The Alien meets Agent Smith, then of course you wouldn't think that Pirate Elves stand a chance.

But if you see Pirate Elves as Jack Sparrow meets Legolas, or even Capt. Blood meets Gen. Lafayette meets Killing Frost or Arawn Prince of Anwyn, and robot aliens as R2D2, or maybe as a Dalek (which is a bona fide Robot Alien, right there)...

...then you can see where Pirate Elves would stand a chance. Hell, if a renegade Time Lord could beat a Dalek, then Capt. Jack Killing Frost Legolas of the Woodland Realm but you can call me Capt. Blood, well. It's a different story, innit?

Or, as the Doctor says, at the top of a flight of stairs, "If you're supposed to be the superior race of the universe, why don't you try climbing after us?"

Round 3... fight!

  • Aug. 13th, 2004 at 2:38 PM
Butterfly wings
Okay. The last and final round. And I think it's gonna be ugly.

Poll #335487 Real Real Ultimate Power Poll Round 3

Pirate Elves or Robot Aliens?

Pirate Elves
Robot Aliens

The soul still burns?

  • Aug. 12th, 2004 at 3:26 PM
Butterfly wings
Round 2 of the Real Real Ultimate Power Poll

Poll #335008 Real Real Ultimate Power Poll Round 2

Pirate Elves or Vampire Former Presidents?

Pirate Elves
Vampire Former Presidents

Werewolf Cowboys or Robot Aliens?

Werewolf Cowboys
Robot Aliens

Just for fun, I've put the losers into the B ladder section:

Poll #335009 The Losers

Viking Mummies or Zombie Indians?

Viking Mummies
Zombie Indians

Ninja Bigfoot or Magic-Using Mafia?

Ninja Bigfoot
Magic-Using Mafia

...and, go! If anyone's still interested, that is.
Butterfly wings
All righty, we have some winners from yesterday's contest.

Voting is closed.

Results are:

Pirate Elves vs. Viking Mummies
Pirate Elves 58.5 percent (31 votes)
Viking Mummies 41.5 percent (22 votes)

Werewolf Cowboys vs. Ninja Bigfoot
Werewolf Cowboys 50.9 percent (27 votes)
Ninja Bigfoot 49.1 percent (26 votes)

Vampire Former Presidents vs. Zombie Indians
Vampire Former Presidents 64.2 percent (34 votes)
Zombie Indians 35.8 percent (19 votes)

Magic-Using Mafia vs. Robot Aliens
Magic-Using Mafia 47.7 percent (25 votes)
Robot Aliens 52.8 percent (28 votes)

As you can see, most races were very very close, with the exception of Pirate Elves and Vampire Former Presidents, who apparently kick teh_ass.

If people are acutally interested, look for Round 2 this afternoon.

Just to clear up some questions: some people have asked questions about things like home-turf advantage. I myself (and, I'm told, other geeks) pictured these encounters taking place in a Soul-Calibur-esque arena, because obviously in real life, Ninja Bigfoot (a woodlands creature) would never meet up with Werewolf Cowboys, who are plainsdwellers. Likewise Robot Aliens, who clearly live in a force-dome on Mars, and Magic-Using Mafia, who I'm told stick to Little Italy, would be unlikely to bump into each other.

Whether you think Ninja Bigfoot has had his skills imposed on him or if he truly pwnz his Ninja abilities, or whether you see Pirate Legolas or Keebler Elves, is up to you, my friends.

Ben, Clearly Misguided

  • Aug. 11th, 2004 at 2:16 PM
Butterfly wings
Ben has recently posted a poll that claims it will determine where the Real Ultimate Power lies. Modeled after sports contests, the first round winners will face each other in the second round, and so on and so on.

I submit that this poll is shortsighted and misguided. Round 1 features such match-ups as "Vampires vs. Former Presidents" and "Indians vs. Zombies" and "Robots vs. The Mafia" and "Wizards/Witches vs. Aliens."

I say this is far too limiting. Ben is a divider, not a uniter. Instead of those match-ups, let's try to broaden our horizons a bit. How about, for example, "Vampire Former Presidents vs. Zombie Indians" or "Mafia-controlled Robots vs. Magic-using Aliens"?

Thus, I present to you, the Real Real Ultimate Power Poll.

Poll #334448 Real Real Ultimate Power Poll, Round 1

Pirate Elves or Viking Mummies?

Pirate Elves
Viking Mummies

Werewolf Cowboys or Ninja Bigfoot?

Werewolf Cowboys
Ninja Bigfoot

Vampire Former Presidents or Zombie Indians?

Vampire Former Presidents
Zombie Indians

Magic-Using Mafia or Robot Aliens?

Magic-Using Mafia
Robot Aliens