Tags: primal eating


what i ate today. er, yesterday.

A can of tuna, some snow peas, and an apple.

And right now you might be thinking, “what the shit is this? Da hell is Batty doing posting something so mediocre?”

And I will say “because my dang kid made it.”

Sunday night, Boog made some smarmy comment about dinner, and I said something to the effect of WELL WHY DONT YOU MAKE DINNER THEN. And he said I CANT BECAUSE I CANT USE THE STOVE  and I am all WELL YOU DONT NEED THE STOVE and a plan was born.

Yes, we talk to each other in capslock.

After school yesterday, Boog and I hit the grocery store and he picked out the food we were going to eat for dinner. He made the complete meal for us, including zapping the veggies, setting the table, and served drinks.

The menu included Tuna In The Can. This one of his favorite things to eat. It HAS to be in the can. Snow peas, broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots, apples, and string cheese for the guys.

Oh, and orange juice. Cept me, I had water. I am proud of what he picked out. he asked me what kind of vegetables we liked instead of heading over to the row of shiny, frozen kid cuisines. Eugh.

It might not look that exciting, but it’s the best meal I’ve eaten all week.

Speaking of eating, I’ve taken up a challenge this month. Mind you, I eat real food, and I eat a lot of real food. Sometimes, I do like to eat not food. Recently, however, the proportion of not food has been increasing and it’s been making me feel like crap.

So I am taking up the Whole 30 Challenge. For 30 days, I go back to real food. No grains [not like I eat these to begin with], beans, certain legumes, processed food, dairy, booze, or sweeteners. Just lots of meat, eggs, vegetables, and fruit.  No calorie counting, no measuring. Just making the proper food choices.

I’m cool with the booze,  I’ve had a whopping 3 glasses of wine since New Year’s Eve. Dairy I can take or leave. I dont use honey let alone Splenda or Stevia. What might just kill me is not being able to indulge in my dark chocolate. And I’ve been kinda using my protein powder as a crutch, too. NO PROTEIN POWDER? SURELY I AM ON THE ONE WAY EXPRESS TRAIN TO CATABOLISM. Need to reset that. But, like Whole9 says, this ain’t hard. It isn’t like beating cancer.

We’ll see where this goes! I’m excited to be doing it. I know I still suffer from a lot of damage from the years I spent eating crap,  and taking this challenge will definitely help me out. Wish me luck.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.


something positive.

Because I need to focus on joys, too.

At Christmas, I gave my sister my copy of The Paleo Solution. in January, she decided to go for it, eating primal/paleo. Eating whole, real food. No calorie counting. No starving. No “dieting”. No torture.

Now she’s a month in, and she’s already down 12 lbs. I am absolutely thrilled for her and am so, so happy that she decided to get her body and her health where its supposed to be.

If man made it, don’t eat it.

-Jack Lalanne

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.


be strong, not skinny.

In my travels around the intertubes, I’m seeing a lot of women treating themselves not very nice. They’re eating the caloric equivalent of what boog eats [remember, he's 5], if anything at all, and spending more time on the treadmill than they need to, and then absolutely flipping their shit when the scale so much as go over a pound of what it said last time.

Women are told, time and time again, how they are allowed to be healthy, and 200% of the time it’s the complete opposite of what men are allowed to do. Just spend about 2 minutes watching TV and you’ll see it. Men are encouraged to eat their bodyweight in steak and lift a VW bus and GET HUGE.  Women are told to do yoga and eat Special K 100 Calorie Vitamin Water Packs. And be small. The smaller you are, the better. Don’t you dare be over 120 pounds or you’re a fat sack of shit.  The lower the number on that scale,  the more valued you are in society.

Don’t you dare try to build any muscle. If you so much as breathe on a dumbbell that weighs over 20 lbs you will instantly turn into She Hulk and be TOO BULKY.

9 times out of 10, when I accomplish a particularly challenging lift in the basement gym of doom and share my success with others, I don’t get “wow, awesome, good job!” or any other encouraging words. I get told that I’m scary.

Strong women are scary. Strong women are not feminine. That cheeses me off.

There is more to being healthy than losing weight. You can squeeze your ass into a size 00 pants, but you can still be 34% bodyfat and that isn’t healthy for you. at all.

I regularly go on at length to any female within earshot about the importance of muscle building.  And I could take an hour or two to write out why, but one of my role models has already done it for me. Ladies, please read.

Heh, with that being said, here’s the state of my ****GUNSHOW***:

The pic on the left was taken in September. The pic on the right was taken last night. That is an inch and a half of muscle gain in only 4 freaking months.  Now, I realize this is kind of not helping my case with the women, because I know that 80% of the women reading this see a GIANT ASS MEATHOOK and if weight training does this to Batty, it will happen to them, too, and OMG BULK.

But it won’t, and here’s why:

  1. Your diet probably sucks and you are starving yourself. If you are eating food with labels that have the words ‘light’, ‘fit’, or ‘healthy’, they are actually not making you any of those.
  2. I probably lift weights heavier than your entire bodyweight. And, maybe to the chagrin of the guys, I don’t spend days and days in the gym. Over the past 4 months I’ve been lucky to get into the basement gym of doom 3 times in a week, IF that, but when I go, I make it count.  Most of my sessions MAYBE last 30 minutes. Lifting this heavy is something I choose to to because I DO want a lot of muscle. You will not get like this if you’re using 5, 10, or even 15 lb dumbbells. I promise.

It’s not about that number on the scale. It’s about having the right body composition to be healthy. For the record, last time I weighed myself, I came in at 165. I’ve put on a good 10 lbs. since the summer. This is the weight I was pre-boog. The difference? Back then, I was a size 14. I’m still a size 6.

Food for thought. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go “be scary” somewhere.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.


rethinking tuna salad

I love mayo. Usually I make my own, though, because store bought mayo is full of  soybean oil and other inflammatory substances that make your body sad. However, I’ve been incredibly lazy as of late, so I can’t be arsed to make my own mayo, either.

So I turn to avocado. Take 1/2 of one and mush it up with a can of tuna and about half a tablespoon of balsamic vinegar. Serve on top of a bed of baby spinach, and sprinkle with crushed macadamias.

This was my breakfast, btw. It doesn’t always have to be about eggs and – dare I say – bacon.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.


what i ate today

today’s breakfast, eaten about noon. breakfast nachos – pork sausage from our pigshare, eggs from the farm, and local grassfed cheddar. topped with organic avocado.

and yes, those are pork rinds. they beat corn chips anyday.

needless to say, i am good until tomorrow. that’s a whole pound of sausage on there.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.


and now, another recipe

I have a sweet tooth. I am not ashamed to admit this. However,  just in this past year, I’ve really managed to refine just exactly what satisfies this craving. You’re talking to a chick who could easily down six maple logs in one sitting at the age of 12. I did that often.  Also, Suzy-Q’s and Mountain Dew at the same time. Which is why I had a huge butt for most of my life. Scaling that sweet tooth back has allowed my butt to get smaller. And healthier.

I ate a couple of 60% chocolate chips the other day. I immediately got ill. I’m also thankful for this because it keeps me away from crap.

I still like to bake, though, and do so according to my new tastes. Which usually means that most of my non primal friends think my stuff tastes like ass. That’s ok, because I think Betty Crocker frosting tastes like diluted roach poop. You’re missing out on the real flavor of real food if you’re covering it all up with cups of refined sugar.

It’s also bugging me that I’m seeing all these primal holiday recipes that involve 1/2 cup of honey at a minimum. That’s not doing you any favors, either.

That was an entirely too wordy intro to my cheesecake. I’ll indulge in these once every couple of months, and they’re usually made for my friend Noah because he loves them. And when you love my baking, you get more of it. And you get them in pirate cups especially for Christmas. These come in at just under 3g of sugar per serving.

Pumpkin Cheesecake Cupcakes

You will need:

  • 1/2 large can pumpkin
  • 16 oz. mascarpone cheese
  • 5 eggs
  • 3 scoops vanilla protein powder. It MUST be vanilla. My favorite is Optimum Nutrition 100% Casein.
  • 3T cinnamon
  • 1/2 t nutmeg
  • 1/2 t ground ginger
  • dash of allspice
  • 1/2 stick of butter
  • 2 c. pecan meal
  • 1 T maple syrup
  • 1/2 c. heavy cream
  • 1.5 c. chocolate chips, 85% or above

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and put muffin cups in 2 12 count trays.

For the crust:

Melt butter until slightly soft. In a bowl, combine butter with pecan meal and maple syrup until the meal is moist. With a spoon, press mixture into the bottom of the muffin cups.

For the cheesecake:

In a food processor, combine eggs and cheese until blended. Add pumpkin, protein powder, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and allspice and blend until smooth.  Scoop mixture into the muffin cups so that they’re about 2/3rds filled.

Put in the oven, gingerly, and bake for about 30 minutes, or until you see the tops of the cheesecake start to brown a little.

For the chocolate ganache:

Heat up the cream via microwave or stove – doesn’t matter – until JUST boiling. Don’t let it boil. Pour into a bowl and add the chocolate chips. With a whisk, stir until smooth. This will take a very, very long time to achieve. It might initially look like you’re going to end up with chocolate milk, but keep stirring, it will thicken.

Spread the chocolate on top of the cheesecake. Don’t get too thick with this, as the ganache gets pretty solid.

Refrigerate until everything is cooled. Makes 24 cupcakes. Duh.

Merry Christmas!

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.


a processed bullshit-free thanksgiving

Turkey day dinner at our house again. This year, however, I insisted on eating real food, which meant the heavy absence of grain products. I was rather….bullheaded about it and i got into it a few times with my mother. But, I wanted to prove a point and I think I got it across.  We purchased our turkey from the farm where we get our eggs, bacon, and pork. We went in on a pigshare with a friend, so our freezer is currently brimming with pig parts. Th only other stop I made was to the produce section at the grocery store, and despite the store being crowded on the day before Thanksgiving, I got in and out in record time because NOBODY WAS IN THAT SECTION. Yeah, I hope those reconstituted sweet potato flakes tasted real nice next to your canned cranberry mush. Eesh.  Anyway, this year’s dinner was probably the best tasting and prettiest I’ve ever made, and I’m proud that I was able to provide that for the ones I love.

Read the rest of this entry »

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.


cleveland groks!

This week, a bunch of us cleveland groks got together to hang with a fellow grok from Ohio’s nether regions who was in town. I love these guys. Lots of conversation, laughter, and of course, food. I love food. Food is great. We had the grill blazing, the stove going, and a bottle or two of wine might have been involved.

Everyone brought a dish to share, and holy hell, was there a ton of food. And all of it good for us.

I am so mad that I didn’t get a before picture. Obviously, this is the state of the table after the first round. Olives, salmon, Noah’s special sauce crock n balls, chili, soup, organic hot dogs – and that round orange thing by the flowers? crustless pumpkin pie.

I contributed a pumpkin bread type thing [lower left corner - and by 'bread' I mean not bread, as I don't use flour] whose recipe was completely pulled out of my keister, and chipotle lime kale chips. I have developed a mild addiction to kale and it’s quickly surpassing my addiction to spinach.

You smell a recipe coming on, don’t you.

You would be right.

Chipotle Lime Kale Chips

You will need:

  • 3/4 cup olive oil
  • 1/2 cup sliced almonds
  • 1 chipotle pepper
  • 1/2 T chili powder
  • 1/4 T cumin
  • 1 T lime juice
  • 2 large bunches of kale

Wash and dry your kale. Cut the stems off and chop the leaves into large pieces. Depending on your leaf size, you might not have to chop them up too much.

In a food processor, pour in your olive oil and turn it on. Slowly add the lime juice until its incorporated. Add the cumin, chili powder, and pepper. Finally, add the almonds.

Put your kale in a bowl and pour the mixture on. With your hands – seriously, just use your damn hands, you big wuss – work the oil mixture on all the leaves until all of them are coated. You will know this is happening because the leaves will start to shrink. The almonds should stick to the leaves and not end up on the bottom of the bowl.

Put the leaves on a cookie sheet and bake in a 350 degree oven for about 5 minutes. Take em out, flip them over, put them back in and bake for another 5. They should be crispy but not charred. Keep an eye on them because kale can char fast.

These are so much better than potato chips.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.


56 west

I keep blathering on about food. I’ll post something different next time, I promise. I am in the midst of taking on the Primal Blueprint 30 day challenge. While primal eating is pretty much second nature to me now, I still have issues with sugar I wanted to quell, so I took it on. Oh, and I guess it helps that Mark is giving away prizes throughout the month too. A shot for a side of grassfed beef? Hell yes. I spose I could post my rules if anyone gives a crap about that.

Anyway. I am in charge of the kitchen here for the most part. I always make dinner. Once a month, however, D and the kids take me out for dinner as a thank you. It’s been Aladdin’s because they have primal friendly plates – for the most part. They can’t substitute a lot of stuff so sometimes I am stuck with a plate full of rice and feels increadibly wasteful from both the food and money aspect.

D pointed out a place to try a few weeks ago, and once I saw the menu, I was all “oh HELL no, we are going there on our date night!” The place is 56 west, and it’s right down the road from us on Detroit Ave. I’ve passed it many times on my bike before and never really bothered to look into it. I’m glad D did.

first off, the staff was just INCREDIBLY friendly and nice. With the look of their graphics, I thought it was going to be a hoity toity joint – but it’s not. The staff actually wears 56W tshirts and jeans and it’s incredibly casual. Although, you could show up all dressed up and not feel out of place, either.

I should probably mention that I’ve gone pretty much carnivore for the challenge. I’m eating nothing but meat and fat during the week to stabilize my need for sugar.  Also, eating out in Cleveland is rather sketchy, because you either can’t substitute anything, or everything is battered and deep fried. eeeeew.

Well, I think I’ve found my new favorite restaurant. When they offer mixed greens on the menu as a bun option for your burger, you can’t go wrong.

Turkey burger with red curry mayo, tomato slices, and alfalfa sprouts, lamb burger with cucumber yogurt sauce and red onion, and a buffalo burger with red onion tomato jam. ohgod.

We started out with the mini slider appetizers. Sans buns, of course. These were awesome. D obviously got to eat all the vegetables. Have I mentioned that I’m really jonesing for spring mix and spinach? Thank god today is my free day. We shared this but probably could have had one each. It was just enough to quell the hunger before the main course arrived.

So, I built my own burger. Their cheese options alone had me drooling. I finally settled on brie, avocado, bacon, and egg with mayo. I noticed they offered options to top your salad with meat, so I asked the waitress if I could get something from there as a side. I about peed my pants with joy when they accommodated my request.

How awesome is that? Meat with a side of meat. I got their grilled salmon which was delicious.

D got the pulled pork with coleslaw and sweet potato fries. I was kinda sad to see that their fries come coated in refined sugar, I’ll have to ask them next time if they are able to leave that off. Nowadays if I consume refined sugar, I feel like I’ve contracted a sunburn.

I was also kinda bummed to see that they only serve beer, which is obviously out for me. Well, until I noticed this on the menu:

They actually served Redbridge, which is a sorghum beer – absolutely gluten free! Having this on the menu just gave them about a zillion bonus points in my book.

We’ll definitely be back – I wanna go for their Sunday brunch at some point.  Any chance I can show up in my pajamas in public, I take.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.