wow, so much for doing anything tonight.
i have 'english' set as my 1st, 2nd, and 3rd languages on icq. YET, i still get messages in foreign languages.
oh yeah, that's right,. they dont understand english.
so, this ego thing is completely new to me. spoon fed modesty, to have excessive self confidence was unsightly.
it didnt fit me.
then the strings were pulled, sometimes by outside forces, sometimes by my own internally produced contraptions - its hereditary. it tightened anyway, and the modesty turned to self loathing. well, sometimes. sometimes i think people think i'm down on myself more than i actually am.
too tight here. my kidney is in my neck.
OOH. COPS is on.
i'm so easy to entertain.
people ask me - batty, why are you so down on yourself? dont you see how cool you are? you shouldnt be that way. you SHOULD have an ego!
the reason why i'm so cool is because i dont have a big ego. you like me for who i am, what i am now. now. non ego and all. if i attained a huge ego, you wouldnt like it. you would call me a snob, and my immense popularity would diminish.
i am comfortable with the way that i am. i have my moments, but then, we all do. i'm just more vocal about it than most. no harm in that. we all wish our thighs were smaller and our hair longer and dammit if our noses weren't so big. my ass is huge, but its the boniest damn thing in the world. i cannot attain a size 6 figure because i inherited the manahan hiney. boobs? lemme hear it for non-cleavage!
happiness with one's self all the time is a denial of reality. monotony is boring. obey. consume. we are dynamic animals. if we werent, there would only be one mood option on LJ.
negative bits are certainly damaging. i am consciously trying to reduce my intake. due to my history, however, anything above and beyond my current mode of thought makes me incredibly uncomfortable. this in not you. this is something else. the feelings there? overwhelming.
love me for who i am - not because i'd be so cool if. i am me. i am the psychotic shaved head wonder with a penchant for all things shiny and metallic blue. i'm an alcoholic, an overused rock star, and i get paid to make illusions. i am your entertainment.
so, have at it.