batty (batty_) wrote,

i want to revert to the previous save state.


Boog in front of the Space Power Facility. My dad’s office was somewhere off frame to the left of this photo.

Last month, my mom, Boog, and I had the fortune of being invited to observe SpaceX’s testing of their rocket fairing at NASA Plum Brook. Not only was this especially awesome to witness, but it was a rare opportunity to show Boog a bit of his history. My dad was an engineer at Plum Brook for years, and I haven’t been behind those gates in decades. I have a lot of childhood memories from there. I caught my first fish there. I fuzzily remember my dad’s work desk. My childhood artwork archive is full of drawings of the MOD-0 on the back of discarded dot matrix printouts.

So I was especially geeked that Boog was able to be there. And geeked he was over the 72″ flat screen monitors in the observation room. While he understood that there was some kind of test taking place, that was about it for him. The only wish my mom and I had for him was that he remembered the experience.

Afterward, we got a small tour of the SPF. We saw set remnants from the Avengers movie. We got to see a segment of the chamber that was not being used, and our guide pointed to Boog and noted that it was the place where his grandfather would have helped with the testing of the Centaur shroud.  Later on, he jokingly pointed out the technical issues they had with the SPF as it is over 50 years old.

And with that statement, my brain cells began colliding in odd manners. My childhood memories became grandma’s perfectly preserved-in-plastic couch. They might still be as fresh and spotless as the day they were made, and maybe still usable. They are, however, outdated. These memories had their time. The memories of my dad at his work are over 30 years old. Generations of people have changed what I remember, time has changed what I remember.  How I remember things as they were are not still how they are today.

It occurred to me that there were also bits and pieces of the past – iterations of me, friendships, notions – that I might have been keeping as the present for whatever reason.  Maybe I got a little overboard with the nostalgia. Maybe I was a little bit in denial because I so desperately still wanted them to be true, despite them wearing out long ago.

Every single one of these pieces had some significance in my life. However, it is still important to understand when it is time to let go a little. Maybe put these notions back in the archives to visit from time to time, which gives a little extra room to allow what is present to come in.

I’ve been working with my archives.  As much as I’d love to float back to previous save states, some of them are no longer compatible with the current technology, and I just might miss out on some crucial updates.  As painful as it it is, some of  these archives need to stay archived. I have tough times with endings sometimes.

And I still hope this experience becomes part of Boog’s archives.

Boog told me he totally knew how to kyak because he does it on Wii Sports. It turns out that he totally does.


I was going to also do a quick update on my health, but dont want to mar this post because what I have to say is rather depressing. I will do that later. Instead, just marvel at the awesomesauce of my child. I know my dad is.

Originally published at You can comment here or there.

Tags: mind & body, motherhood

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