why this is happening i do not know. i'm not even PMSing.
was perfectly fine till, oh, 10 minutes ago.
i'm in a bubble. its like me, and the rest of you. the beautiful ones. the desired people. and you will occasionally gaze upon me for some odd reason - maybe there's another beautiful person standing behind me, i dunno - and maybe you ask me to move out of your way. you will say things to me like "yes, i'll call you in the morning" and "your ass isn't THAT fat" and i will believe you, naive little girl that i am.
my ass is stil fat.
i had a recurring dream when i was little - i am standing in a room, nothing in it except a door and a window. just outside the window stands a hill, upon it a tree. its sunset. or is it dawn? i cant tell. and the sky is producing the most unnatural set of colors. 3 silouhetted figures appear, and one by one they bend their arms back and take off into the sky. i mentally beg them to take me too but they wont have me.
they wont have me.
i feel ugly today. my hair is frizzed out from the rain and i'm wearing pants. i dont feel very feminine when i'm wearing pants. actually, i'm a boy with tits, pretty much. not much tits either.
sweet things like puttng my cellphone on my nightstand next to a clock suffering from a power outtage, then calling until i wake up makes me feel wanted. maybe i am. maybe my instinctive reaction is to just push everything away because shit, who would possibly want me.
like this this you'd talk if hand up ass had you.