Samantha (april_ethereal_) wrote,

A Place to Write Without Clutter.

I don't think I've been here for a while, and I have been working on editing by hand, but I am guessing that typing all that's going on in my head is a bit quicker and less reliant on my ancient texts, the oldest of which dates 1996. That would be 20 years old by now, and of course, it's a neon Lisa Frank notebook. Some of them are covered with stickers and commentary.

Amund and I just got back from New York, which was an adventure that we had together. It's where I picked up all of my old books. He met the family, got a sentence or two out every day, (let's say they can talk), but it was lovely. We had a generally positive experience with the family otherwise, and had a complete New York City experience otherwise. We went to restaurants and enjoyed the local fare, My favorite place was Friedman's, which was classic American diner style, done right, and 100% gluten free. I think I ate there 4 times. We also went to Hustler Club and ended up in the Champagne room with a flexible stripper who liked to get spanked, while constantly being served drinks, listening to rap music, and smoking a joint. Amund and I locked eyes while I had said joint in my mouth, tits in my face, ass in his, and we had a moment of pure #yolo. We had great hotels as well, and I took advantage of the spa daily at the hotel we stayed at for the last week. I'm pretty sure we were the only ones staying there.

So I have been spending a lot of time going over my old books and there are a lot of points I need to write about, because they are the most heavily mentioned in my writings.

It was hilarious reading my 13-year-old self. My handwriting had changed, I used brightly colored pens, and I was pure rebellion. The one many of the points I wanted to write about were my hormones and puberty, which started when I was 10. So I was pretty much done by the time my peers were starting, and I always associated with the older group. It's just where I was. I was kind of ahead my entire life. I read at a high school age in ninth grade. Early puberty is a common in patients with endometriosis, due to elevated estrogen levels.
It's all connected, so I wanted to write about my sexuality as well. I engaged in sexual activities when I was 14, and had sex for the first time then as well, and in hindsight, looking at other 14 year olds, that's super young, but, as I mentioned, I was just kind of ahead. Between 14 and 16, I dated boys mostly 3-5 years older than me. I had my first three-way experience when I was 16 and it was with two male models. I was ahead, but I was also behind. I had so much youth and naivety left in me and I was dealing with some super adult situations. I was still 16, which is still a kid. I was in high school, and I was doing well. I did well in high school and in college until I got sick and college became overwhelming. I was always kind of ahead in my head, and also behind. I was naive as hell. I often refer to myself in that age as a "naive little shit". I got out of it, thankfully, but I also wrote that I believed I would always be referred to as "naive little shit" by my 10-years-older self. I will remain on my toes. For her sake.

Another thing I wrote about ad nauseam was my love of wildlife. Horses, dolphins, whales, (and apparently) pandas, in that order. Before that, it was a shark phase, and a dinosaur phase. I've been fascinated by science, nature, and the world around me since I can remember. I remember pouring over kid's science books, learning everything I possibly could. I also wrote articles, poetry and prose, and have several entries from that time. A large part of it was about horses or whales, or maybe a bit of fiction about a group of young teens who have ready access to both. At the same time. Fantasy. And also about myself. The hit of puberty was evident when I started talking about crushes on celebrities and then eventually my classmates. I was literate at a very early age, and also very ahead of my age group. It's why I found myself drifting off in school, when we were learning basic reading skills, and I used the library a lot, and I also wrote and drew. I had a teacher who pulled me out of class and scolded me for not paying attention, but I had already learned what they were learning years ago.

The love of horses was from growing up around them. My parents met on a Horse farm, and raised my sister and I there every weekend, holiday and summer for the first 12 or so years of my life. They worked there someone (sometimes me) watched my sister, and I kind of did whatever I wanted. I rode on trail tours with my mom and others whenever my preferred horse of the 50 horses they had were available. When I wasn't riding, or taking care of my sister, I mostly wandered around the give or take 200 acres of forests, clearings, orchards, and a mountaintop. I loved how secluded everything was, and it was a very essential break from my busy childhood. I want to write more details about this place and how truly magical and fortunate part of my life it was.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.