Sjur and I have been seeing a lot less of each other and it's mostly my fault because I have drawn back a bit. Not in a bad way, I still love him and he still loves me, so very much, but I think it's important to take a step back from him as well, just to make sure all the pieces are in the right places when they fall, because they will. I don't have chemistry with anyone like I have with him. He is really special, and we have an incredibly deep bond with each other.
He publicly expressed his reluctance to meeting my parents when they were here, and I had to kind of give him an "Oh, really?", and have a nice chat with him when it was an appropriate time, and I did. After a day of wild hung over sex, I told him that if he knew what was best for him, he would be at Rock In, at 16.00 on the dot, because I'd be there with my parents.
At 16.01 Sjur strolled down the stairs having been to the hairdresser, and was dressed nicely in a black button down shirt and black dress pants. He was all manscaped and groomed. Shy at first, he had a really nice chat with my mom for a few hours before they turned in, and then all four of us went out for Italian food on Aker Brygge. Somewhere, there actually exist a posed photograph of me and Sjur on the pier. My father took it. It's probably the first photo taken of him in 8 years.
He came to the bar while I was working last week, and yesterday, I came by his office with a cup of fancy coffee just to have a chat in the sunshine. We will spend a lot of time together next weekend, and I was asked if I was going home to him, and I just didn't feel up to it, as much as I love him. I would have never been this way a few months ago. I would have been pressuring to go over there, or even just show up. I've relaxed so much. A lot of it is therapy. A lot of it is just my own self awareness.
I am moving to another apartment across the street from Sofienberg park in an older building with a seriously cosy feeling. I'll be living with two good friends of mine and I'll have a nice sized room I can decorate however I want to. It will be home. Very much home. I am allowed to have a cat in the apartment, so I'm going to be adopting a Savannah from Camilla for just the price of the neuter. It's a gift, and having that cat in my life will heal something huge inside of me. I am just trying to get through this week without stressing, because by this time next week I could be moved into my new place.
It's a surreal thing to think about considering I've been in such a toxic environment all this time. I'm only starting to be able to relax here after I knew I was getting another place to live that will be so great. I literally can not wait to be living with my new roommates. I hope to hell I don't regret saying this in the future, but they are just good people who seem really chill and easy to live with.
My back has been killing me lately, and I've been seeing a new physical therapist who is amazing and doing trigger point therapy and needlework to ease up the super tense muscles along my spine and hips. It is working very well, but when I work too much I tend to wake up in the morning stiff as a board and in too much pain to breathe. I've only started taking pain pills again today because I would not have survived the workday without them. I've been smoking a lot of weed though. I've been spending a little to much money lately, but I recently found a really good connection in the older sister of a friend of mine who gives me a nice price. It's what works. Sometimes, I admittedly smoke more than I need to smoke in order to relax a little extra, but not too often. Mostly I just do it when I feel the need to. Usually in the morning, in the middle of the day, and at night. I don't think I would have progressed this much psychologically without it.