September 20th, 2006

(no subject)

We broke up about a week and a half ago and I felt like I was going to be miserable forever but i'm not. I mean, yeah I cried myself to sleep for the first couple of nights alone, but then i came to realize that, Dean was my first love and yes it's amazing and crazy at the same time.. but we were together for almost a year and a half and we kind of drifted. With him and his sports and me with my friends and my (ex) job, we never saw eachother. There wasn't a spark anymore and I think I put off breaking up with him for too long. I had mixed feelings about him and was telling myself that I was going to break up with him starting in June, and I kept it going on through the whole summer and until now. I know everything happens for a reason and I know it was the right thing that we broke up. It's been over a week and I don't even miss him all that much. I mean yes, I do miss him and all of his aspects, but I don't miss the fights and the tension. I know that we were destined to spend our time together and then go our separate ways. I just wish we could still be friends but he pushes me away.

Okay so now onto the good stuff.. and the drama/gossip. (I guess?)

Heather's party was pretty good. Everyone was pretty fucked up and we had some people die on us. Shit happens. Me and Corey started talking again that night for the first time in forever. We kissed a couple of times and pretty much everyone knows. I love Corey, he's defintely one of my really good friends but I would never have something with him.

Hm soo there's this boyyy and I like him but I don't think he has ANY idea. He might, but idk. Everyone says we would make a good couple and that he'd go for me but I always have my doubts. I haven't had a crush on someone in soo long and I feel like a little girl again. I think he views me as only a friend but I definitely want to start to hang out with him more and get to know him and then maybe he'll notice me in that kind of way. Riss and Jill say they'll out a good word in for me and I really want him to want me that way, but i'm not going to get my hopes up. I keep telling myself that ' oh, he's a senior he's not going to want a girlfriend now ' but I know that he's not like that. He's the biggest sweetheart i've ever met and I just want to spend time with him. I'm so insecure though. UGH. He has so many girl friends that I make myself think that he likes someone else. Blah.. I just need to talk to him and maybe hint to him that we could have something because i'm starting to really like him.
  • Current Music
    Augustana- Boston