an email, a letter, a friend.
something that will let me know that someone cares.
ive been in kind of a daze this last week.read 2 books; go ask alice...crank(actually read cran almost 2 months ago...4got to tell about it so said something this time).
they were both pretty depressing, didnt help my situation.
went to my brothers birthday party,lady named...ashley thought i was 16 and asked if i was thinking about applying 4 a job at the bowling alley... i said"im only 13"
she said"really?i thought u were 16"so yah
got a new hair cut...dont like it that much
im in the mood for a life changing experience, but i guess they never come when u need them, instead at random, unexpected times...especially the times when you fear them most.
i want to slit my wrists
i know it wont stop the pain
or make it go away
just white out the darkest hour 4 a while
mask the imperfections for a single second
and i dont want that, i want them gone.
i remember when i was little i used to pray every night.
release my demons
capture the nighttime worries
ive drifted of so far since then though
so far i dont think theyre is any returning
sometimes i wish i could go back to then
but then i remember i was only 6...maybe7
if anyone happens to know...plez keep me informed.
im confused and scared
i know no one reads this journal
and i must admit i really dont care
when i think about it mostly im just scared of myself
who im becoming
the direction in which im going
whats going to happen to me
why am i thinking so much
ME CONTRADICTING MYSELF
personality #1__vs__personality #2
#1)my life sux
#2) think of starving kids
in scandinavia and people
with aids in
africa...compared to them
your life is, like just lovely
#1)im groping for a
meaning in life
#2) GAH, michelle stop being so deep and philosophical
#1)#@!$ you mind
#2) stop cussing just cause you think it makes u normal (i.e.it doesnt)
#2) stop being such a pity case
#1)cant help it
#2) there u go again
#1)arg,i hate me
#2) eww, u really need to stop
spewing your feelings,
and such all
over people...no one cares
#1)i know, but
sometimes i wish