Tags: fandom muses

Wes Glare

Topic 15 for fandom_muses

What does family mean to you?

That’s a…good question, actually. Family to me meant, at one point in my life danger, disappointment, fear, trying to belong but not succeeding. As a lot of others I to have had difficulty with my biological family. You can’t pick them, they get picked for you. Though, I’d like to have a word with whomever does the picking. They don’t seem to be doing a very good job at it.

Or perhaps that’s the whole point?

Maybe your biological family, the one that is forced upon you is some kind of test. See who survives and who doesn’t. That wouldn’t explain those who end up with a nice, comfortable and warm family though. No, I don’t think that’s the reason, even if it could be. Maybe they look at your previous lives and go ‘well, you had a great childhood back the, lets give you a shitty one now’. Who knows?

Alright, enough philosophy.

Family, is very important to me. I remember walking in to the library in Sunnydale and watching Mister Giles and his cluck of children every day. I envied them. Most of their biological family didn’t care much about them, aside from Buffy, but they *made* themselves a new one. But not matter how *hard* anyone else would try, you’d never get in there. You’d never actually fit in that tight knit group.

I’ve often wondered if Faith felt the same way back then.

I wanted that, but I didn’t know I needed it. Not until about a year later I arrived in Los Angeles and joined Angel Investigation. It was then that I learned the true meaning of the world family. They take you the way you are, mistakes and all. Flaws and all. And they kick your bottom if they think you need it, pick you up when you’re down, have your back…etcetera, etcetera.

Angel and mostly Cordelia became that to me. I’d like to think they thought of me in that same manner as well. When Gunn and later Fred joined, they too, became part of that family. I never felt as close to them as I did to Angel and Cordy though. They were still family, though…different.

It wasn’t until I lost my family that I realized how much I needed them. I’m nothing without my family. Well, something, or someone, but whom I could be or should be.

So what does my family mean to me? Perhaps a little to much, now that I think about it. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. You love them, you hate them, they’re the first you run go when you’ve something to share. Be that good or bad.

And yet, no matter how much you bask in the warmth of your chosen family… You still crave that respect, that sense of belonging when it comes to your biological family.

Sad, really.

Muse: Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
Fandom: Angel the Series
Word Count: 487