Tags: watch me procrastinate

mynameisearl: ralph

INCEST is the New BLACK, an Open Letter to Mika

OK. Firstly.

Incest, is NOT the new black, people. Pedophilia is.

Secondly, incest is not actually cool, I repeat, NOT cool, despite what some pop idols will tell you. So get yer had off'a [insert name of family member you've always wanted to do].

Thirdly, this is NOT, I repeat NOT a serious post...In case the overzealous use of CAPS, and flippant treatment of a thorny subject didn't tip you off.

Now that we've got that straight, on to the letter.

"Dear Mika,

Your song Touches You weirds me out.

The reasons for this should be obvious, but in case they are not, here are the major strikes against it:

1) George Micheal already did this.
2) See 1.
3) If you are both a person's brother/father or sister/mother, then you are either a) an
ancient Egyptian noble, or b) the progeny of some very naughty dad. Either way, you're not
really fitting material for a pop song.

Wasn't this creepy enough the first time? At least Georgey had the decency to
make the matter more opaque by sticking the word "figure" in there. 

Listen, Mika, even if I concede that the poetry of songwriting does not have to stand up to the rigors of
literal interpretation, if there is any chance of reading something as dirty, people will do
it, so artists should, y'know, compose accordingly.

And it's not as if this song isn't oozing with sexual inferences:

When you're looking tough but you need a way to let it go
Come on now, what's a boy s'posed to do
When I can't seem to leave you alone
Touching me touching you 


I wanna be your brother, wanna be your father too
I wanna be wanna be
Whatever else that touches you
Whatever else that touches you
Whatever else that touches you 

Come on.

I don't have any siblings, so maybe I'm missing something here, but unless there is a totally
awesome, totally non-sexual kind of touch that you get only from your sister/brother,
we're talking about the big S. Do you really think this is sexy material? Wanting to be everything to 
someone is a nice sentiment, but I think it's best to stick with the standard: "I want to be your moon,
and stars, and Beatles Rock Band."

What's my point? Don't write songs that are thinly veiled odes to fam-on-fam relationships. I
don't care if it's catchy. Don't.

A Fan. No seriously. I Liked 'Life In Cartoon Motion' "


Now that's off my chest, I should get back to work on that paper for my Integrated Media class, shouldn't I?...Dammit.