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[06 Oct 2004|05:00pm]
question: am i still naked if i'm wearing a belt?

i wondered this when i was sixteen and bewildered by the large number of people that walked by, totally naked except for an accessory, like a tie or a belt, and a parasol.

apparently, i have never resolved this issue.

19 comments|post comment

so exactly how necessary is a couch? [26 Aug 2004|07:57pm]
are couches really necessary?

on the way home today, i noticed that the roads traveling under the transition from the 10w to the 5n are transposed. like, the carpool lanes are on the wrong side. i think i only noticed this because i only got 2.5 hours of sleep last night. but it got me thinking, hey! we ought to have wacky traffic day. like, we'll all pretend we're british and drive on the left and talk in funny accents when we yell at people who're driving on the right side of the road. ooh. and no one is allowed to make a right turn. they just have to keep making lefts until they get in the right direction. oooooook. maybe not.

so i'm looking at my couch. and realizing. the only thing it's good for is setting things on it. the cats sleep on it a lot. every once in a while, i sit on it to watch a movie. but other than that, it's kinda big and kinda commands more attention than it deserves. so. being that my house is uber (and i mean uber in the double-dot sense) small, and has practically no closet space, i had a loft-bed built for me, and using spreader bars and a bit of ropework, i managed to build a closet under my bed.

so. i'm thinking. perhaps. i should replace the couch with another loft-bed. then i could still be comfy for movies and stuff, and be able to set up music stuffs underneath. or maybe i could replace it with a kiddie pool... anything would be better than a couch. are couches really necessary? i mean, is it totally unreasonable to have a living room with no couch? is that taking things too far?

i should just move. really.

so if you know, or know someone who knows, of a loft space in say... arts district, little tokyo, fashion district, downtown, westside, hollyweird, or perhaps noho, for say... $1 / square foot or less... drop me a line. i'd like to move sometime around november. 15 foot ceilings, air conditioning or with the right windows to install air conditioning, drive-in parking. and kitties.
4 comments|post comment

bunches of new pixtures! [23 Aug 2004|11:20pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

yay! my friend gia got her boy, floyd, to take pictures of us last week and he already gave me a cd with the finished images and the originals and omg i don't even have to spend days photoshopping them. i love him!

here's some of them. i haven't decided which ones i'm gonna use.

edited to add: haha, i just realized it looks like a bunch of avatars.

6 comments|post comment

it's rough being a fallen superhero [22 Aug 2004|03:08am]
[ mood | sad ]

i used to really believe i could save the world. when i was little, i thought i possessed super human powers. i would save girls from boys that would do them harm. my favorite triumph was when i beat up a third grader. i was the smallest girl in first grade. but that didn't matter. he stole a ball from some girls and was teasing them with it. i reenacted a scene from she-ra. i said, "wanna dance?" and i took his wrists and spun around, then punched him with an uppercut to the diaphragm. he actually came up off the ground and landed on his back, the wind knocked out of him. pleased, i handed the girls their ball back and walked away.

it was a difficult lesson to discover that i can't save the world.

(sometimes i forget and have to relearn that lesson)

(i forgot again tonight)

after work, pho0ka and i stopped by dungeon. as we were leaving, a guy starting screaming at this girl, calling her and asshole and generally being a psycho. he pushed her and threw her stuff on the ground. she was crying and cowering. i told the boy to wait; i wanted to make sure he didn't hit her. a crowd of people gathered. prolly about 20 people.

then i was like, wtf? why are we all waiting for him to hit her before we do something? does she need a concussion before we're willing to help? so i walked right up to her, put my hand on her arm, and quietly asked if she needed a safe ride home. she wouldn't look at me. she just tried to wipe the tears. he answered for her. he screamed that he was her safe ride home and she just looked down.

there was nothing i could do, and i just had to accept that. i was angry and sad.

i ran into industry_kitty, who had joined the crowd and was worried about her, too. i told her i was afraid he was gonna hit her when they got home. "he will. he'll prolly hit her in the car on the way, too." but what can you do? you can only help people when they're ready to be helped.

but it's hard sometimes.

7 comments|post comment

[20 Aug 2004|08:03pm]
so it looks like it will be miss kitty's tonight. nothing special going on, so it will prolly be dead and lame, but hey, how often do i go out on friday night?

edanya and i are looking to get drunk and cause trouble. i'll be expecting some embarrassing pictures on the site next week so i can vaguely remember how i was peer pressured into humiliating myself for the amusement of others. i suppose i should wear something appropriate for nearly naked twister... mmmhhhmm...

my car is broken still. i just haven't cared enough to attempt to fix it.

hopefully, someone will give me a ride home.

hopefully, the home won't be mine :O
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amf korset fashion show friday the 13th thingie [17 Aug 2004|02:25am]

+1Collapse )
5 comments|post comment

not for the curious [13 Aug 2004|03:26am]
i don't like this. it totally sucks. i only posted this to annoy you.

LJMeme.com Crush Meme

Number of crushes on me so far: 12

LJ username:

who, dammit?
3 comments|post comment

[09 Aug 2004|03:36pm]
///begin transmission:

date: 08.09.04

dear car,

go to hell.

yours truly,


::end transmission||||||

i need a mechanic that makes housecalls.

or perhaps a team of gnomes that fix my car while i sleep.

...and in other, somewhat more pleasant news...

:::bondage ball:::

Read more...Collapse )
7 comments|post comment

[23 Jul 2004|02:53am]
just got back from perversion. it's neat, not going to a club in forever, and seeing all the new faces in a familiar context.

i've been really noncommittal about school lately, and it's starting to upset the people around me that care. i wish it didn't bother them. it's like, i'm already set to graduate cum laude no matter what grades i get in these classes, and i'm too busy to care about the things they teach that i'll never need to know. school used to be my escape, a luxury i allowed myself. now that i'm so busy, it's just a nuisance. my teacher talked to me after class. he mentioned that since i was an hour late, i missed a lot. "oh, trust me, i didn't miss a thing." he stared blankly until he realized it was a joke - well, kind of.

my waist spontaneously shrunk. i have not lost any weight in the last few months, yet my waist has shrunk from 24 to 23 inches. 23! wow. at this rate, it won't be long before i can cinch to 16 inches. that is so disgusting. why am i fascinated by making myself look grotesque? just another novelty, i guess. because i can do it and most people can't.

i got a new cell phone. comment if you want the number. i would post it, but people are weird, y'know?

i'm sitting here in my bra and panties, fishnets, and boots. i tore my dress off in a panic. it was choking me. or maybe i drank too much. lol.

so. bondage ball is next friday, and you should go. bondageball.com. (i'll be there)

miss you all.


4 comments|post comment

my high school yearbook picture [04 Jun 2004|02:37pm]

...in being a royal fuck-up...

i've decided this is my senior year picture. i never had one taken. never got the yearbook, never went to prom, didn't bother to walk at graduation. i always hated yearbooks because you're supposed to have people sign them. not many people signed my yearbook. i tried to hide it from all the people i didn't like. which was most people. they were stupid, superficial, boring. there was always something wrong with anyone i met. except the boys. i had so many crushes. didn't really date much, though. all the boys i liked didn't seem to notice. most of my friends were boys. boys that had crushes on me that never told me but i knew and pretended not to notice because i wasn't interested but they made great friends. hung on every word i said. i loved being adored. still do.

after high school, one of the boys i'd had a crush on in high school told me he'd had a crush on me. i had no idea. he said he was afraid to tell me. that i was unapproachable. really i think i was just shy. proud? aloof? whatever. i named off a bunch of other boys he had been friends with that i'd had crushes on at some point. they'd all had crushes on me, too. how i'd suffered! so alone. and so needlessly. and have i learned from this? not hardly. i still find myself wrapped in a hundred teenage crushes that last for months and months and never go anywhere. my heart breaks a thousand times a day and no one ever notices.

school is almost over. finals next week. so much stress this quarter. over soon. two weeks' break. five classes to go. then what? already i've been trying to fill up my time off from school with "stuff" so i won't have to go through the shock of having so much time alone with my thoughts after being so busy.

i need to escape. leave the country for a while. i feel trapped. settled. i feel like i've become who i'm going to be and i'm just not ready for that. i don't even know who i am. i have a thousand lives yet to live. i want to be someone else. somewhere else. everyone, everywhere. there are so many things to do, places to go, things to see, to learn, thoughts that have not yet crossed my mind. i grow old, quietly in a small cottage in the middle of a colorful ghetto that's got character but it's smelly and dangerous. my potential wanes in the in this hell that slowly came to a boil and i didn't notice until it was too late. my skills atrophy with each day. skills? who am i kidding? i don't even have any hobbies. i know nothing about myself. i don't know what i like to do for fun, what kind of music i listen to, what my favorite movies are, or even my favorite color. i'd be useless in writing my own obituary. (even if i weren't dead.) i keep thinking that in the future, i'll figure out who i am. when? tomorrow? next year?

in high school, i thought i'd be dead by now. i wanted to be a shooting star. brilliant, streaking across the night sky for all to see, and suddenly disappearing. i wanted to be wildly successful, famous, an inspiration, and die before i watched myself fade. i'm the only person i've ever known that tossed pennies into the well at thunder mountain (disneyland) and wished to die young in a car accident. that wish never came true, and now i'm old, and i have to deal with it. my little sister wants to die. she is so young, she has so much potential, but she doesn't see that. i'm terrified she will grow old like me and have nothing to show for it because she never found her passion. where is my passion? how do i find it? is there a systematic research process for its discovery? will it find me? does it reveal itself when the time is right? does it come as an encoded message, a metaphor in a crumpled gum wrapper in the alley?

i'm really digging on the modelling hobby. it feels so wonderful to have my makeup all done up, to be transformed into someone else's vision. i get to be whoever they want me to be. and maybe i'll discover i like one of those people and that's who i'll become. regardless, it's exhausting and envigorating at the same time, which is an awesome feeling. being on this side of the fence has been nice for a change, but it's been renewing my passion for photography, which is a very good thing, but also a very expensive thing.

i got a digital slr, and those accessories you kind of need, like a drive to download the photos, and a bag to protect it, and a memory card, and a lens, and... *sigh* now i want a lighting kit so i can finally begin to understand that esoteric art that makes me love those people that really seem to get it. which reminds me, my "yearbook" photo was taken by marla rutherford, by far one of the most incredible photographers i've ever met. her stuff isn't the most flattering; i don't expect her to make me look like a flawless superstar like some other people seem to be capable of. but hot damn, woman creates whole worlds... the feeling you get from it... it's like you're spying on someone, getting a peek into their world when they aren't looking... she's gonna be an icon... if she chooses. and wow, she's gorgeous, friendly, energetic, wears fetishy stuffs, and doesn't have a crazy ego.

so lighting. yeah. i need to learn it. and the cool thing about digital, is the learning curve... i have learned as much in an hour... as i did in four years with my old camera. same camera, almost! just digital. and i get to see the stuff right away, which is exciting. and i don't even notice any less quality in the images. so yeah. technical stuff. gotta bite the bullet and learn that stuff. i was perusing one model place, and jeez, 99% of those "photographers" couldn't take a decent shot to save their life. i could put myself up there today, and generate at least as much interest as the worst 10% that do this professionally, or claim to so they look good, even if they only got $50 once five years ago to help with a kid's birthday party. but, whatever. i'll find people i can practice with. who knows? maybe i could even make a little extra money shooting kinky porn. show up in my latex, flirt a bit... ooh, and email cute boys and tell them i'm a "fetish photographer" so i can lure them back to my place and get them tied up and nekkid... lol, j/k. right now, i like to take pictures of just about anything and everything. i need to find out what i really really like and focus on getting really good at that. which means i need to get back to figuring out those little qualifiers, the composite of which might define who i am... *sigh*
8 comments|post comment

aqua - around the world [04 May 2004|11:03am]
so i've decided that aqua's "around the world" is my song of the week.

i've been on a silly pop kick lately.

kittypop.net is officially registered. inspired by my previous song of the week, aqua's japanese version of barbie girl, which you can hear by clicking here, it will be [yet.another.] hello kitty parody.

complete with engrish! yay!

evil perverted kittypop engrish.


will have to get pho0ka to learn the simplistic japanese cartooning style.

the first thing i will post is why i don't have kittypop.com. i should have registered it when it was available. i waited, and someone snagged it. noticing nothing was being done with it, i emailed the owner to see if he'd sell it. here's the letter i received:

[::.dear veronica,
thank you for your message regarding your interest of kittypop. i actually have been working on a side project that has been heavily based on kittypop, so it's not been simply an ideal domain registration. while i'm quite busy with my current venture, i would like to keep the option to further develop kittypop...::]

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memo [08 Apr 2004|01:02am]
..:begin transmission::

to: kitty
from: mommy
cc: baby kitty
date: april 8, 2004
re: clean clothes


in an effort to keep all of your kitty limbs intact, i am instituting a new kitty existence policy. effective immediately, you may only exist in the following designated areas: floor, couch, and bed.

i ask that you be especially careful not to crawl into the laundry basket, wrinkle/mash/get hair all over my clean clothes and then vomit on them.

::end transmission:..
3 comments|post comment

[07 Apr 2004|01:19am]
don't want to go to school tomorrow. my group wants to meet, and we haven't even been given our assignment yet. what on earth are we gonna discuss? this is exactly why i hate group projects. the girl asked for my number, and the boy answered for me. he had it memorized. weird. i think he just wants to hang out with a couple of girls. i want to sleep.

speaking of. that boy i've had a crush on for the last year and a half. he still goes to my school. he was supposed to have graduated. but i saw him walking with books the other day. he said hi. i barely acknowledged him. why am i always so mean to him? i wish he'd be in one of my classes. he's usually in at least one. it's nice to have someone in my major that's both cute and intelligent that i can compete with.

do not want to go to astronomy. it's so obvious that the teacher is only there on a quid pro quo. he makes no effort to hide that he totally hates us and thinks we must be idiots since this is a gen ed requirement and we're not really science majors. i think we ought to throw books at his head so he'll stop it with the monotone. and the video he showed yesterday! good grief. we had to watch cheesy seventies science animations on things like ellipses. though i must say that the ancient greek astronomers had pretty cool names. if i ever get a pair of goldfish, i'm gonna name them appollonius and ptolemy.

two of my other teachers are awesome. i've had them both before, and i can honestly say they were the two most inspiring teachers i've had at this school. something incredible is going to happen soon, i can't put my finger on it, but it's coming. and i think they're gonna play a big part as my advisers/supporters when my emotional shit hits the fan as i decide between security and following dreams and/or unforeseen opportunities. school will be over soon and i will have to figure out what i'm gonna do with all that extra time. do i want to go straight to grad school, work part time as a consultant in corporate strategy and part time as a professional perv, focus on my current career, change careers but not industry, change careers and industry... do i want to focus on success, or do i want to focus on adventure and trust that success will follow?

hmm. ok. it must be time for bed.
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friends don't let friends drink and enter contests at miss kitty's [06 Apr 2004|02:15am]

blackmail photos all over the site.

4 comments|post comment

i need to hurry up and get rich... [30 Mar 2004|09:10am]
...so i can buy my daddy a house on the beach in hawaii. he is so cute and sad at the same time, i nearly giggled/cried at what he told me this morning. ever since i can remember, all he has ever wanted to do with his life was to live in hawaii, to get up at sunrise and walk to the beach, and to walk home at sunset, every day.

today, he confessed that he goes online every day to read the honolulu paper. he knows the high/low temperature, who's running for public office, the unemployment rate, and that they're repaving kahanaluapuimeowmeowmeow street.

he's been doing this for months.

4 comments|post comment

success... too soon? [25 Mar 2004|11:19am]
today is a major milestone. i am a full 30 pounds less than i was last year. it's weird. i feel like i've "made it," somehow, even though i never had a number goal in mind when i started. whenever i get close to accomplishing something, i usually get bored and move on to something new. but now i feel like i've actually achieved something. it sneaked up on me before i had a chance to fail! it's about time to stop. i need to figure out how much i need to eat to stay this size, because if i shrink much more, i might just disappear.


now, from a metaphysical standpoint... nah.Read more...Collapse )
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[13 Mar 2004|01:47pm]
in other news...

i went to the trader joe's in weho.


gay boys everywhere. good food, too. lots of low fat low cal low carb low sugar low sodium but still tastes yummy food. it appears to be healthy, even.

altho i must say. joe's o's are not the same as cheerios. it's like, they tried to make them exactly the same. but something's off. the color. the texture. the taste. all ever so slightly different. it's gross. gross like when i used to eat veggie burgers thinking they were actually supposed to taste just like beef but didn't come close. if they made joe's o's blue or something, i'd bet they'd taste great because then i wouldn't compare anymore.

from now on, i'm shopping in a magical land where beautiful young gay boys stock the shelves and ring up my items and bag my groceries and push the shopping carts around the parking lot. ::swoon::
4 comments|post comment

[13 Mar 2004|01:45pm]
this town is starting to get to me.

all of a sudden, i wanna be a star n stuff.

5 comments|post comment

SF Fetish Ball [04 Mar 2004|02:50pm]
so a slave i haven't heard from in over a year sent me an email asking if he could take me to the fetish ball in san francisco. all expenses paid, plus some cash to spend. nice. play party friday night, ball saturday night, return on sunday night.

must balance urge to shop for fabulous costumes with urge to purchase new digital camera with the quiet, nagging voice in my head that says i need to pay rent and stuff.
2 comments|post comment

[03 Mar 2004|02:25am]

i just realized.

if kerry were to choose bill clinton as his running mate, became elected, then became incapacitated, clinton could legitimately serve a third term as president without violating the constitution which says "no president may be elected more than twice."

time for bed, methinks.
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