jxshb<3

(no subject)

So.
I have horrible pains in my stomach at least once every 1/2 hour.
My lower back is killing me.
I'm constantly tired, but I can't sleep.
I feel like I have mono again.
AND.
I'm on my goddamn period.





FUCKING COOL.





But I love my boyfriend more than anything and he should stop being scared. ♥
jxshb<3

(no subject)

& I'll slice your face from ear to ear and pretend that you're smiling because I'm with you.






These are things that run through my head while I'm in the best of moods.
jxshb<3

(no subject)

I think way too much and speak way too little. I'm not shy, I'm not a bitch, and I'm not mute; I'm most likely a) narrating someone else's story in my brain, or b) thinking up totally off the wall questions that will never be asked.

I have fucked up dreams that I remember for only an instant after I wake up, and sometimes I feel like the answer to everything is in those dreams. I could find myself in those dreams. Sometimes I'll start talking about something, and halfway through I'll realize that I sound like an expert on something I've never read or heard about, and then I wonder if maybe I'm going crazy. Or maybe those dreams are to blame.

I have conversations with people who aren't really there, and I see things that don't really happen. I experience deja vu more than anyone else I know, and I wonder if maybe it really has happened before. Maybe it's not just some phenomenon that people explain away because they're too afraid to believe in it. I smoke pot because that's the only time my brain makes sense.

There's things I know and things I think I know; the things I think I know far outnumber the things I know. I try to act smart, but underneath it all I really know nothing about anything that matters. I don't know how to act around people, so I mostly am just quiet. I don't know how to show that I care, so I usually don't. I don't know how to take care of myself, so I try to take care of others and usually fuck that up too. I don't know who I am, so I invent as I go along.

But I'm learning. I've found someone to care about, and so I'm learning as I go. I've found someone to love, so I'm learning to love myself as well. And maybe I don't know who I am yet- hell, maybe I'll never know. But none of that matters as long as I have that one person who's seen me at my worst, seen me at my best and everywhere in between and still loves me for who I am.
jxshb<3

(no subject)

jxshb: you're the most amazing person ever. you're really nice. you're beautiful. you're fun to be around. i never get tired of you. i wish i could hangout with you all the time. i love you tori!

YOU are the most amazing person ever. You're not really nice, you're actually kind of an ass, but I like it better that way. You're probably the hottest boy ever, even if you do have girl eyes. You're the most fun person I know, and I'm never bored with you. I wish that I could be with you all the time. When I'm with you, I feel like I actually matter, and when I'm not with you I'm mad because no one else around me is anywhere as cool as you are.

I love you Joshua Beason, with all of my heart, and I'm glad that we're together. ♥
jxshb<3

(no subject)

I really have the best boyfriend ever. Everything about him is amazing, and it's even more amazing that I'm this comfortable with him already.

And I don't care what you think about him, or me for that matter, because you don't matter. Oh, and take me off your friends list already. I'm not adding you back for a reason, lurk. You know exactly who I'm talking to.