this is my december ; lost

this is where it ends.

There's a million ways to start this. Really. And they're all so fast in my head. But there really is no correct way.

I actually thought of having a real life. No computer or anything. And I did. And it was good. For a couple of days. Then this tuesday. God this tuesday. My dog Roxy died. And I held her while her heart stopped. We were in the hospital. And she was okay. God she was okay. I found her underneath our neighbor's car. She was okay. I held her. I took her to the hospital. Black filled her beautiful brown eyes. I held her. She was gasping for breath and I felt her heart stopped. Then the doctor took her and I was left alone in the hospital room. My mom was on the phone. I was also alone when the doctor came back in. Roxy's not with us anymore. My heart stopped with Roxy.

I don't remember anything after that. When I woke up, Roxy was already buried.

I'm seeing a doctor on the 20th. I guess everything just sort of fell apart after what happened. I'm not even supposed to be on the computer, but I just wanted you to know. I didn't want to leave with no explanation. I don't need your sympathy I don't need anything. I didn't do this for attention. Because I'm not coming back. This is where it ends. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I didn't get to know much of you. I'm sorry I was never really here. I'm sorry.

Erika- I won't ever forget you. I love you. There is that one space in my heart just for you. I hope I talk to you soon.

I won't delete this journal. You can all de-friend me, it's fine. Just know that all of you were important. How all your comments, they made me smile everytime. I hope you all the best. Maybe I'll come back some day when I'm better.