Tags: wrong and disturbing ideas

THEY ARE EVERYWHERE

must stop reading watchmen fic

before i have even finished the actual canon, d'oh!

however, even though i have spoiled myself, i am laughing far too hard to be irate: Rorschach: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

Thank you for purchasing this POST-ROCHE RORSCHACH PORTABLE VIGILANTE UNIT.

The RORSCHACH is fun-sized for user convenience and ruthless efficiency.


p.s. god(s) help me - i hope this obsession passes soon. i am having Many Very Unhealthy Thoughts.
han-some

off work, should be reading fic, but instead....

trying to buy a new calendar online. eventually found one with cowgirls on (COWGIRLS!). in the process though, i found this one. picture:

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it's a bit posed, but. well. UNIFORM.

still kind of sick, but am attempting scrambled eggs. yellow and white food, that's the thing when one's innards revolt! (last night ate some plain boiled rice; think this helped) (dinner tonight will be cauliflower cheese. if still feeling ok, this will be followed by vanilla ice cream and a chopped banana.) illness not really helped by thesme_01 being a bering-sea pervert. (f-locked, but i quote: Edgar couldn't believe what he was seeing below decks. In a mess of survival suits and pincers, Phil appeared to be 'entertaining' himself with a large male Opilio crab. 'Fuck that' Edgar thought to himself in a kind of Alaskan/Norwegiany thought accent, 'I can do far far better than a crustacean'. BUT COULD HE? Stay tuned for the next episode of Deadliest Catch: Crustacean Love. also the words 'massaging the crab to make sure they stay healthy' were used.) but really. some people are so easily traumatised by much less disturbing concepts. so. just for hellison:

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i go eat now.

ETA: stupid germs! four hour "nap" in layers of clothes under duvet with heating on possible sign they still here. and i need to go to the shop, but it is now SNOWING for the first time this winter! (uk coastal snow, so not much of it, but, still!)
minions

(no subject)

DEAR HEL, I ROTED YOU A THING

(RPS; wentz/stump; hugh/callum; high, er, "W" factor.)

not a very good one it is true, but i did the best i could given a total absence of bandom knowledge and quite a lot of booze. and the limited time frame of, um, the half bottle (afterwards i had to have a wee lie down). my head was fuzzy on tuesday at work! i SUFFERED! a bit. for an hour or so. until i had tea and biscuits. so, ok. limited suffering.
uh?

*cries and cries and cries*

and this would be why i don't let bluebrocade make suggestions. her response to my little write-in tell-me-what-to-write poll?

Pls write the story behind that Hugh bestiality centerfold from Canadian Playgirl.

*scrubs eyeballs while rocking and moaning*

adds: special mention to helleboredoll for requesting unhurt/baby oil/plastic dinosaurs. what kind of a pervert do you take me for, woman?!?
THEY ARE EVERYWHERE

i sort of wrote due south fic. unfortunately it was this:

for bluebrocade. because she is a sick sicko. who is sick!

title: the family that plays together
pairing: RV/BF/FV
length: 1270 words
warnings: PG rated threesome incest fic. kill me now, please!

kanzenhanzai did backwards brit-picking (i knew you people had a word for "knickers"). and added my new favourite comment ever on anything i have ever had beta'd: YOU'RE GOING TO HELL. in red. \u/

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whatever you do, please note: this is totally, TOTALLY not my fault!
THEY ARE EVERYWHERE

*snicker*

tardington, in an effort to become a faster cyclist, is considering some extreme options. he feels his newly purchased helmet has made him faster. also his haircut (less hair = lighter). now he is considering emulating lance armstrong. THIS version of lance armstrong: Collapse )

i expressed my anticipation of a) his new commuting speed record and b) his subsequent arrest.

tardington: [i would be] Uncatchable!
tardington: ...except by naked cycling policemen. Um.

ETA: this information mainly for edification of blue and kanzenhanzai: i am in my kitchen sucking on a bag of mixed balls.

which are sweeties, aka a type of CANDY you perverts.

ETA again: bike seats for the prostate-enhanced! sort of terrifying, actually.
THEY ARE EVERYWHERE

(no subject)

desktop meme nabbed from scriggle Collapse )

p.s. while i was offline, was there something about HCL t-shirts? unhurt WANT.

p.p.s. helleboredoll? if you are reading this, i just want you to know that today i have this really persistent image of joe dick in a bunny suit in my head. a stained, bedraggled, abused bunny suit, with a drooping ear. i'm pretty sure this is all your fault.

p.p.p.s. people who didn't see joan's pictorial essay on smooth vs hairy should really investigate. (there is B7. and the persuaders. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO LOOK!) see also the sentinel, or "wait. the target audience for this was who exactly???"

p.p.p.p.s. Unlikely Crossovers I Would Like To Write: janitor (scrubs)/al bundy (married with children). don't look at me like that. it could be a thing. (they meet in the Jiggly Room. i can see it all, right up to the part where they wake up sticky and suffering from beer amnesia on janitor's basement floor, their nakedness exposed to the disapproving eyes of the squirrel army.)

ETA: hey. now there really is a northwest passage. on the down side? the climate be fux0red! (or possibly just the arctic. hard to say.)
s&m muskrat love

fratricide OMG

evidence for the prosecution:

1. recall ye yesterday's rant about joan burnie AKA Just Joan and her advice column failings? oh look. how did THAT happen? *glares*

TARDINGTON? YOUR CHRISTMAS!

edit: oho. it appears a conspiracy is afoot. well, bishop thesme, or whatever you're terming yourself this week? i know where you live!

2. also he did this. *weeps*

(i am not even getting into the bizzare khazak/mongolian yak herding freakitude that has been arriving via text. he made hugh go to mongolia and threatened by a border guard. there was talk of sheepskin loincloths. IT WAS NOT GOOD.)

i will be over here, rocking and whimpering. please send mind-wiping technology?
THEY ARE EVERYWHERE

[dr nick riviera]hi, everybody![/dr nick riviera*]

i have been mainly awol since thursday as my mother has been visiting. mothers are very tiring. she has now departed by ferry, this morning, after a detour to courthouse where i successfully persuaded them to let me defer my jury service until june. thank fuck!

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*interesting fact: "the Canadian Medical Association Journal compared the services of Dr. Hibbert and Dr. Nick.[2] It concludes that Dr. Nick is a better role model for physicians; Dr. Hibbert is a paternalistic and wasteful physician, unlike Dr. Nick, who strives to cut costs and does his best to avoid the coroner." Patterson R, Weijer C. D'oh! An analysis of the medical care provided to the family of Homer J. Simpson. CMAJ. 1998 Dec 15;159(12):1480-1.

p.s. kanzenhanzai? i HATE you! Collapse )

ETA again: hugh, callum and, um, chris kirkpatrick. n*sync, get out of my lj!