undercover-undiscovered-underutilised-underwear (_unhurt_) wrote,

flashpoint fic: team time tuesday

despite being behind on comments and really, really, really behind at rl (*spit*) for some reason i spent some part of today writing 745 words of flashpoint team!fic. of an *ahem* sort. [eta: i am kind of mean to sam. sorry!]

It was a slow Tuesday evening at SRU HQ. The floor was spotless, they had counted all the ammo (twice) and now they were just… waiting.

"Hey," said Sam, annoyingly. "How come Lewis is so quiet?"

"Oh, that," said Wordy. "He doesn’t get many lines. We don’t know why, either. We thought maybe they used their quota up on Ed and Greg, but then Spikey was talking all over the place last week, so--"

Sam was staring. "Uh. "They"?"

Wordy opened his mouth to reply then frowned. He tapped his head. "Huh. What was I saying?"

"We were talking about – about - oh, I know! Lewis. Doesn’t say a lot."

"Oh, yeah. Well. He's just not very chatty, that's all."

"Maybe he just doesn't like you?" Ed added helpfully, making Sam jump.

"Hey, you’re late," Spike contributed from the corner.

"Traffic was a bitch. Okay, so. You tell Samuel here what day it is?"

"They told me."

"And you're still here? I'm almost impressed." Ed grinned and started to take his shirt off.

"Please," said Sam. "Hello, have you met me? Army past? Best 'friend'? The emotional trauma I don't want to talk about except every five or six hours? Did you think we were fishing buddies?"

Lewis smirked, but didn’t say anything (again).

Excessively casual, Sam turned to Jules. "So, hey. You always do this every fourth Tuesday thing with these guys? That's pretty – it's kinda – uh – it's -"

Jules looked as if she might have been going to roll her eyes but had decided not to waste her energy. She shook her head at Sam and scooped up the home improvement periodical on the bench, rolling it into a tube. Brandishing it in a circle she addressed the rest of the group.

"At least clean the gym mats properly this time. Other people have to use those. And I still don't see why you have to do this every month. "

"My wife doesn't understand me?" offered Wordy.

Jules glared at him and he held up his hands.

"Yeah, okay. She totally understands me. And she's cool with it! It's just a bonding thing. Bonobos do it all the time. I wish you'd stay just this once."

"Whatobos?" asked Spike and Lewis in unison. Sam just looked confused.

"Pygmy chimpanzees," Greg explained calmly. "Wordy, don't pressure Jules. She doesn't have to get involved in the monkey business unless she wants to."

"Thanks boss," said Jules, heading for the door. As she passed Ed she gave him a friendly whap on the head with the magazine. "Cheer up Elaine. You'll still have fun without me."

As the door closed Greg raised an eyebrow. “You had something special in mind?”

“Aw, man.” Ed looked abashed. “It’s just – we were on a stakeout, we got talking – you know how it is?”

Wordy threw an arm around Ed’s shoulders. “Maybe we do, but I think you should tell us anyway.”

Ed sighed and rubbed at his face. “Fine. Fine. It’s just – no offence to you guys, you’re all great, I love you guys, love what you do for me, you know that. But sometimes - sometimes ya just want to bend over and take it from the hot girl with the strap-on, yanno?”

Greg pressed his lips together and just nodded.

“You too boss?” asked Ed sympathetically.

Greg grinned ruefully. “Oh. You have NO idea.”

There was a contemplative pause. Wordy was the one who broke the silence.

“Hey, you guys do know that a guy can wear a strap-on too, right?”

Everyone looked at Wordy.

Then everyone looked at each other.

Then everyone looked at Wordy again.

Spike coughed.

“Actually? When Lewis and I tried that this one time, I put on this lingerie I had, uh, borrowed. It was pretty hot.”

Greg pressed his hand against his forehead and shut his eyes. "Okay. So now I know why Doctor Luria keeps asking me leading questions about cross-dressing."

Guilty silence reigned for a long moment until Ed dropped his holster with a clatter and stepped forward to take Greg by the shoulders and shake him gently.

"Okay. They're sorry, we'll keep an eye on them, problem solved. Now let's see about cheering you up. I get to blow you first. Sammy boy? You're up next."

"Actually," Lewis pointed out to general laughter, "I think he's up already."

Greg relaxed and smiled happily to himself as Ed pulled his zipper down. He had a great team here.


Tags: fic, flashpoint, may require professional help
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