1: LA Paul! ok, i am not actually writing this but it rocks. i think it may in fact be the fault of ifreet, with help from sansets? ETA: in fact it is the genius notion of primroseburrows. please tell me who else needs credit though! it was raised at breakfast on the saturday and it kind of... grew legs?
so, anyway – paul gross has been EXPELLED FROM CANADA OMG. homesickness eating at his soul, he's drunk and busking for quarters on the streets of LA. (using this guitar, naturally!) which is where he's found - by hugh dillon! hugh can't stand by and watch a fellow canadian suffer like this, so he takes paul home, sobers him up, and together they hatch a plan to get paul back home. it's not a complex plan, as it mainly involves making a break for the border in the car callum gave hugh. like thelma & louise only
alternate ending: they drive the car off niagara falls.
2:deadliest catch - devonian danger! in which the northwestern falls through a bering sea timewarp and there are prehistoric shenanigans. this one was definitely sonia's fault. we – kanzenhanzai, me, sonia – were in the process of being a leetle overexcited by the Royal Museum of Ontario's extinct animal stuff, when we found a Giant Sea Scorpion.
anyway, so, they're adrift on a prehistoric ocean. what will they do? will they ever see seattle again? whatever, says sig. drop the gear! we're fishermen. if we're going to get eaten by a plesiosaur we're going to die like fishermen – with a full tank of crab! or, in this case, of Giant Sea Scorpions, since that's what comes up in the pots.
someone who was not me is insistent that edgar has to wrestle an especially huge scorpion into the holding tanks.
blah blah deus ex machina oh look, they got home again. but! they can't sell the sea scorpions because there's no allowance for them in the quota. sig is IRATE. the end.
i might have engaged in some Research for deadliest catch fic. by, erm. buying this book in chapters yesterday: deadliest catch desperate hours: high seas. rugged men. raw terror. best subtitle ever, no?
3: the one that will get me defriended by almost everyone – except probably bluebrocade. in which fraser and ray, or possibly ray, are trapped by a snowstorm. eventually they have to eat dief.
amundsen did it! it's, like, (ant)arctic survival 101! in the manual, right after peeing on yourself if you get bare flesh frozen to exposed metal!
why is everyone looking at me like that?
it could be worse. i have read alive you know. and cannibalism is a reasonable fictional theme...
4: flashpoint – the one with the hostage kittens (this was another museum conversation.) there are kittens! being held hostage! they are the kittens of someone important from french canadia, and failure to rescue them could prompt CANADIAN CIVIL WAR zomg!! of course the Team are triumphant. also ed rappels down the outside of a building in his aviator sunglasses carrying TWO kittens. we explode from the kitteny hughjinks. (at saturday breakfast someone that might have been primroseburrows made it evebn cuter by suggesting breeds of kitten. scottish folds! nestled to ed's manly bullet-proof-vest-wearing chest! eeeeeeee! ♥)
5: joe dick getting fucked and loving it: does exactly what it says on the tin. because joesecretly loves bottoming but can't actually admit it. there is maneuvering. (this is probably a “five times” according to my brain.) only notable because the concept was accidentally shared with quite a few of the other patrons of the ROM cafeteria. er. sorry, museum-goers. and your children.
also i think i am taking requests. and writing the trent/hugh thing. and possibly icky tour bus stuff. send help.