1: baby oil
Billy, the fuckin’ idiot, slipped and cracked his head on the wall of the shower and that was it: game over. Blue balls for Joe, a lump like an egg on Billy’s head. Probably had little birds and Hollywood stars going round his head too. Pipe thought they’d had a fight – John guessed better and hid his smirk behind his hand. Worst of all, Joe smelled like a fucking infant for two days because the slippery stuff had gotten all over everything while they were getting naked.
On the second morning he put his hand in his pocket for his Zippo and found a pacifier instead. In baby blue, of course. When he flipped out John said something about (t-t-t)toddlers having tantrums and almost cracked his face smiling at his own joke. Pipe laughed so hard he almost pissed himself.
“Show some gratitude, Joseph. We picked it to match your eyes,” Billy snickered when Joe threatened to use it to pacify his ass.
2: cheap diner mayo
They were really wasted, seriously gone, all of them, Joe, Billy, and the three girls with too much hairspray and filthy mouths. Billy was so drunk he couldn’t even get it up at first, a Dead Kennedys song in (in)action. Joe wasn't much better. Nobody got exactly fucked, but everybody came. In the grey and nauseous late morning, just the two of them sprawled under a crunchy sheet, Joe couldn’t tell what was semen and what was mayo. Billy was more interested in where the fuck his leather jacket had gone, but he never did share Joe's interest in science.
3: dish soap
He braced himself against the sink and stared down at the dirty, cracked enamel and tried not to make too much noise while Billy jerked him, reaching round while he rubbed himself against Joe’s ass to the same rhythm. It was good, it was good, it was so fucking good, the slick slide, even the slimy foam that built up as Billy moved his hand faster and Joe started to shake and bit down a whimper just before he came all over the dishes with the dried on sweet & sour sauce and the glass with the green stuff growing in it. And some of the counter top. It was pretty fucking good, he had to admit.
But his pubes were lemony-fucking-fresh till he got a shower down at the Y, and the skin on his cock was, uh. Kind of red.
Of course, Billy thought it served him right. “That's what you get for spending our grocery money on weed. When I go shopping at least we get brand names.”
Joe held forth on the subject of corporate whoredom for nearly ten minutes. His dick still itched afterwards.
4: nothing (1)
It's not like Billy really tried to make him stop or anything. Right?
5: nothing (2)
Turnabout is fair play, yeah? Joe bled some too - but he came anyway. Sometimes he thinks he’d like Billy to do it again. Sometimes he wonders if maybe he’s kind of a masochist, but it's not that. It's just that that's how it is with the things you want the most.
eta: the blame is all mine (unbeta'd etc.) but thank you to mrs_laugh_track for emailuar encouragement!
fic: five things joe has used for lube
1: baby oil