_tuesday_moon (_tuesday_moon) wrote,

why do i find myself thinking about logan late at night sometimes?


i guess this makes me a weak person. i'd say i'm doing pretty good though. sometimes i just wonder if i'll actually be with somebody good for me, instead of blowing them off (which i always seem to do for some reason unbeknownced to me). sometimes i'll wonder if i'll just stay in shitty relationships for the rest of my life, with people who don't appreciate me and take me for granted.

i guess we all have our downfalls about us. These are just the times where I get upset. Seems like I've been ignoring the fact that I could actually be upset about things or be despressed about things. Not depressed in general, but just about certain things. As opposed to some of the people I know who make such a gigantic deal out of absolutely nothing just for attention, I have a lot more reason to be depressed or upset than they do. It seems like a lot of the people I know are extremely immature, and it makes me upset to be friends with people who are "bad" people, but then I have to remind myself that not everyone is perfect and we all have our things about us that piss other people off. Obviously I piss some people off, I don't know who or why, but I'm sure it happens. I guess accepting that makes it a lot easier to understand.

I really feel used by certain people at times. I guess we're all looking for something or some one eventually though. Right now, I miss the idea of a relationship, but I don't think I could handle one. I feel bad for whoever I choose to be with next, because now I'll have serious trust and jealousy issues, not even my fault, but just, because of certain things.

I just wish people weren't so fucking insecure and immature that they would lie to some one they care about. I feel like I've just matured already, I was always real mature for my years (in some ways more than others), and I feel like a lot of people can't handle college drama or stupid fucking drama all because of drunk sex or whatever in THE FUCK these people are upset about. Jesus christ. Now the Real World makes so much more sense, lol.

I better go to bed before I start thinking about the past. Sometimes, I feel like I just ignore all of the bad shit that has happened to me in the past couple years. Like honestly, I don't feel like I've really "dealt" with the death of my grandpa, otherwise I wouldn't start crying when I thought extensively about it. And I don't feel like I've "dealt" with Logan, and I don't think I've "dealt" with the fact that the places I grew up in won't really be my homes anymore. Wow. That's depressing. Why do I do this? I figure I have to deal with it eventually. Every now and then I just start thinking about it and realizing that I ignore a lot of my feelings and just don't think about them. I wonder if this is a good or bad thing? Is this "dealing with my problems maturely"? Or just ignoring the idea that I could actually have a problem?

I don't think I have problems. Just issues that I choose not to acknowledge because I know they'll make me depressed or upset, and I hate being depressed and upset.

I guess accepting is all you really can do. But Logan still has a lot of my clothes and I want that fucking shit back.

Just like 2ge+her said, "The hardest part of breaking up, is getting back your stuff"
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