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JOYLESS UNDER THE FALLING SKY [entries|friends|calendar]

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worst day ever [03 Mar 2008|06:43pm]
i like to think that after you die, you get to watch a recap of your entire life with God and talk to him about everything that happened.
if this is true, when we get to today's date in time, i'm just gonna look over at the Big Fella' and simply ask, "so what exactly were you trying to teach me about this day...?"

i hope sarcasm is allowed in heaven.
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[14 Dec 2007|12:27am]
as of wednesday evening, me and morgan are engaged!
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[27 Nov 2007|12:26pm]
I remember when I was younger I used to get $5 per week for allowance from my parents. At the time, I thought this was a complete outrage. I would say, "What can anyone buy for five dollars these days?"

It seems funny that only a few years later I wouldn't even remember what it feels like to not know where every last cent of my money was going.

It's not just money... I'm a little more intelligent than thinking that money is the only source of my problems. I know the problems, and I know some solutions... the real problem is, not a single one of those solutions would comfort anyone but myself.

I'm just worn out, on everything.
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the office [18 Oct 2007|09:55pm]
tonight's office was one of the best episodes of any tv series i've ever seen.
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[14 Oct 2007|10:16pm]
[ mood | procrastinating ]

first thing's first... the new jimmy eat world is incredible. as is the new radiohead.

my classes are sucking less, but this online programming class is still going to be the death of me. i might as well be learning this class all by myself through trial and error. the teacher is worthless and the book is way over my head (and everyone else i've talked to). aside from that class, everything else is going pretty well. i start a half-semester class on thursday, which also happens to be my birthday. great gift from iupui... a two and a half hour class on the night of my 22nd birthday. oh well, at least it's 22 and not something exciting.

i'm doing some sub-contract work for my boss at st.vinny's... hopefully either st.v will make me a full timer, or my boss will just hire me on at his other company. their office is literally the office directly above bazbeaux's pizza on mass ave. how sweet would it be to work there? hopefully someday i'll find out.

i'm a huge procrastinator though. if there's not a due date looming over me, i just don't do anything productive.

this cooler weather is definitely nice to me. much nicer than swamp-ass 90 degree weather earlier this month. i'm hyped for fall... it's my favorite season of the year. i'm probably gonna go for a walk/jog later before bed. i love fall nights.

anyways... i'm ready for fall break, or winter break, or spring break, or summer break, or maybe just no more freaking school ever again. ever. cannot wait for this to happen.

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ready for college to end [04 Oct 2007|11:53pm]
i'm really bored/tired/unmotivated with this whole college thing. i have a fantastic job right now, which makes it extremely hard to care about something i technically don't need. but, if you know me at all you know that, even if i talk shit about not finishing college, you know i will. it just sucks.

so i'm not sure about this new season of the office... the whole storyline of the office was the fact that jim and pam weren't together, and now they are. it's a little boring, except for creed trying to act younger... i was dying laughing about that. hopefully they'll step it up in future episodes.

oh, if anyone knows how to code ASP.NET or if anyone knows someone who knows how to code ASP.NET or if anyone knows someone who knows someone who knows how to code ASP.NET... you should put me in touch with that person. definitely never taking another class online ever again, especially when i'm this painfully unmotivated.

so i'll be 22 in a few weeks. neato(?)

chex mix is really good... kudos to anyone that actually makes it themselves. i'll stick with the store-bought stuff.
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[23 Aug 2007|10:10pm]
[ mood | what do you think? ]

ooooh boy... this semester of classes is going to fucking suck.

i have three online classes, and the teachers of those classes firmly believe that i am doing nothing but focusing on their class. not working, not taking other classes, not eating/breathing... just taking their class exclusively. nothing like having the biggest SHITLOAD of homework due in the first couple days of class to start off the semester well, right you selfish slave-driving pieces of shit?

i'm so over college it's not even funny. how about i pay you tons of money so you can make my life a living hell. great concept. fuck all of this.

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[21 Aug 2007|12:40am]
[ mood | broke ]

insane times are coming for me. life changing stuff ahead.

oh and money... i hate that stuff. everything in this country/world costs too much and it's getting more expensive. i don't feel like going into detail, so i'll summarize: i will never be out of debt. ever.

on a much lighter note... even though the bears played the colts tonight, i wish everyone would stop calling it a super bowl rematch... our starters played like 20 entire minutes and that's it. it's called pre-season, you bandwagon fans that know nothing about sports... don't get your undies in a bunch because your home team lost a pre-season game. it was like watching a high school football game. basically the exact opposite of a super bowl rematch. panties = unbunch.

did i mention how i hate money?

p.s. buy my stuff!
http://www.decimationdesigns.com for more details. like 150+ CDs for sale.

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june - july '07 [29 Jul 2007|11:45pm]
[ mood | busy ]

hot damn, have i been busy.

as of the middle of june, morgan now lives 10 mins away from me rather than 18 hours. it's the best thing ever and so is she.

my contract at st. vincent hospital ended. for about a month leading up to that, i had been feverishly searching for jobs. i found about 5... no joke. i had to turn some people down which is a huge first. i'm currently working 2 jobs, both very much in my field of study and both very involved. right now i'm juggling both jobs, working about 50-60 hours a week combined, while trying to write a huge paper for my internship... and i just got back from a week vacation.

we went to south carolina and stayed on seabrook island, outside of charleston. it was great and much needed. i would post a few of my 300+ pictures on here, but i have no time. maybe later i'll get to that, right after i take a deep breath for the first time in two months.

classes start again in about a month and it's safe to say that THE very LAST thing i want to do right now is take on a full load of college horseshit, let alone pay for it. i'm so done with college in my mind that someone might ACTUALLY have to drag me kicking and screaming back to it.

i switched from pc to mac and even though my credit card is still weeping, it's enjoyable. i still don't get the whole "ZOMG MACS ARE TEH BEST AND PCS ARE TURRRIBLE" thing, but it's nice.

for those of you that have seen me in person, you may or may not have any idea what i'm talking about even still, but i got my mole removed the middle of july. this sentence is really more for me to look back on in a couple of years and be like "oh, it was then... cool". before and after pictures would be nice, but... *looks at the clock* ...can't.

so many huge/scary things are coming up in the not-so-distant future that sometimes i get sick to my stomach just thinking about them. meanwhile, instead of working on stuff i should be, i'm updating my el-jay-lolz...

if the stress doesn't claim my very existence, i'll update again... sometime.

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everyone. [28 Jun 2007|08:04am]
stop talking about the iPhone... comprende?
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Mostly Good News [18 Jun 2007|10:22am]
Good News:
Morgan moved here over the weekend and we are loving this whole not-800-miles-away-for-months-at-a-time thing!

Bad News:
My contract expires at my job on the 29th of this month, so I really need a new job. The only problem is that finding a job, at least the ones I'm looking for, is difficult stuff.

Overall, the good outweighs the bad by like a bazillion to one.
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Feeling Helpless [31 May 2007|09:05pm]
[ mood | sympathetic ]

I don't post often at all, but I just felt like I needed to get this out and I just can't really tell anyone this out loud, so I'm typing it. I know it's long, but don't start reading this unless you're going to read it all.

Being helpless is the worst feeling in the world. I think that's why babies cry so much. It's not all just a form of communication... there has to be something in those tiny little heads that yearns to accomplish something but sadly cannot, due to limitations and insurmountable odds.

To be helpless in stopping or changing or helping out in certain situations is just... such a horrible feeling. It starts out with glimmers of hope and thoughts that "I'm sure there's something I can do..." but those feelings are cut short by the impending and painful truth. There are some things in life where you simply cannot do anymore to save something. Giving up is the second worst feeling in the world.

When you are faced with a situation that makes you feel helpless, is it then not simply easier to just give up? The lesser of two awful feelings is surely the route to take... but is it, really? This is not rhetorical... I honestly do not know the answer. There's no lesson here or any point I'm trying to make, other than the fact that I'm feeling very helpless... but giving up just does not seem like an option.

Cut to the chase; my dad is being pushed beyond physical and mental limits at his job. Putting in 75+ hour work weeks is not a career-related hazard... it's a health hazard. To my knowledge, he's making the best money he's ever made... but at what risk? I won't explain it all because, really, it's none of anyone's business, but I can say this: nobody will cut my dad a break despite my dad being generous enough to give everyone besides himself a break. That's just how he is... he'd rather sacrifice by burdening himself than overwhelming others. It's just one of literally thousands upon thousands of things I admire the hell out of my dad for. And to see such acts of unselfishness not only go unrewarded, but rather punished (in a way)... it's heart-breaking. My dad chooses to care because that's what's required of him... not because he owes ANYONE, ANYTHING... but because that's what he knows he has to do.

The thing that is killing me at the moment and kills me every time I think about it is the fact that he's putting himself through this, in effect, torture is because he loves his family enough to want to support them in every way possible. It comes down to money. To put it in plain English, he's suffering for money, but not money out of greed or self-destruction like so many others. This guy is working his butt off for us to essentially be spoiled brats. We don't need to live this well... and starting right this second, I'll do everything I can to change that on my part. I guess that's my cure for feeling helpless, but that doesn't cure my dad's feeling. I just hope and pray something... ANYTHING changes and allows him to see some sunlight some time, or to just be able to relax and worry about nothing like he worries about right now. Everyone should be able to do something that they enjoy... at least a little bit. If they can't... is it really even worth it?
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Saint Thomas Aquinas [19 May 2007|07:47pm]
"How is it they live in such harmony the billions of stars - when most men can barely go a minute without declaring war in their minds about someone they know."

"There are wars where no one marches with a flag, though that does not keep casualties from mounting. Our hearts irrigate this earth. We are fields before each other."
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[10 Mar 2007|02:08am]
go see 300.
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Car For Sale [25 Feb 2007|05:43pm]
If someone in or around Indianapolis is interested, I'm selling my '95 Buick Skylark (dark green) that runs like a champion and has taken me to-and-from deep in the dirty South numerous times without stopping. Gets amazing gas mileage. Asking $1,000 for it. Call 317-341-5184 for details, or email me at bfaulk04@gmail.com
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[27 Dec 2006|11:52am]
arby's = food poisoning
i got exactly 20 minutes of sleep last night because of this.
i suggest never eating there again.

anyways... morgan is coming today, so the day shall not be ruined, even if i do feel like absolute hell.

christmas was good, but it definitely did not feel like christmas. i have a great family and i wouldn't trade them for the world.
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straight to the point. [30 Oct 2006|02:36pm]
distance sucks.
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[21 Sep 2004|11:37am]

comment to be added, it's that simple. however, don't ask to be added if you aren't gonna actually read it and maybe sometimes comment if you feel compelled to do so. i take a lot of pictures, usually, and i generally update about once every two days because... i get really bored at work. so anyways... you know the drill.
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