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1 died tragically while trying save me from the pain

for you my darlin. i wait for the day we hold eachother [16 Feb 2005|12:56pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

Soon as you came in all the beast went away.
They noticed that you're warm wait till you leave then come back for more...
The ropes hang to keep us all awake and I should have known.
As soon as you came in the agony it went away
I noticed what you wore to everything we spoke and more...
And the ropes hang to keep us all awake and I should have known.
It only takes one break of your pose to get off
To save our place...home with you...still the same song....
As soon as you came in is when I believe we both crashed course
And the ropes hang to keep us all awake and I should have known.
It only takes one break of a pose to get off
And to save our place home with you all
That's all it takes?
Well I should have known, it's still the same song.

save me from the pain

I just dont get it. [11 Feb 2005|12:49pm]
Why must people be so cruel in highschool. Esspecaily the ones you who think are your friends. Obviously not. I am not here to rant and rave on how people talk shit and blah blah blah. Everyone does it but its not right when your friends do about you.

Today, David had mentiond to me a couple of things being passed through the grape vine about me. Apparently Codi had no clue that it would all come right back to me. You see, Codi and I were "friends" yesterday and totally cool. Now today she is calling me a bitch. I am simply not going to waist my time trying to ask her "WHY" she must enjoy calling me a bitch. Immmature. See, I love this girl to death but it seems like shes got alot of shit to say and seems to me she doesnt really say the story straight. She is probably one of the most coolest people i've met except for the fact she is calling me a bitch for no apparent reasons what so ever. Whatever though, whatever makes her feel good.

Enough of that. Few.

Today after school I am going to the mall to get my charger.. Anyone want to join. I have no plans for tonight and that SUCKS. Well ya see, I was supposed to hang out with Bree but.. thats off. We havent spoke to me and she gives me dirty ass looks which pisses me off. Its annoying. Whatever here we go again. Rawr. OK. I am done. Enough.

<3

save me from the pain

[10 Feb 2005|09:33am]
what a fucking night
loose over $300 in stuff.
my car got hit, no damage yet still got hit.
i live in hell.

save me from the pain

Mommie. I miss you. [03 Feb 2005|11:00pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Things have been so hard lately with out you here.
I cant bare the thought of you and I not speaking to eachother.
It's been 2 weeks and I can't stand it.
I feel torn inside.
Hiding it all behind this smile I must put on each day.
Yet, behind it you will find a broken girl who is lost.

I hate the way I feel tonight.
Each day that goes by, I hope to hear my phone ring.
It does.. But, its not you, mom.

I have so much anger built up but I can't begin to dwell on that.
Yet, I can't stand here and be all happy.
I am guessing you are pretty content.

You left me once before mom.
Look, You did it again.
I am sure you are pretty content too..

1 died tragically while trying save me from the pain

Stupid Bitch. [02 Feb 2005|02:13pm]
I havent had drama with anyone in this journal until now. I hate this bitch. She got my sister ( Bree ).. Dresscoded and sent to the office. Stupid bitch.

Ok, Im done.

save me from the pain

Dont make it hurt. [01 Feb 2005|11:26am]
There are the times where you and I have stood on all the streets
faith is what brought us here
We have been here, there, everywhere before.. How could I ever forget.

Unforgotten words are a trial I must partake on
you've given up all hope

You left on that cold december night. Leave me in the winters wind. Blowing with full on force.
Your leaving without a memo

Your love was always like that wind, I can feel it but I cannot see it.

These are the times where I need to walk away. You left before me.

Help me for I am drowning.
drowing into the abyss of your arms

May you remind me of how weak my writing has become. May you say that I was better and strong then that. Well hear you are my love, my darling.. Something that is so real, and so pure. Comming straight from the honest god AWFUL truth.

save me from the pain

just. saw . you. [31 Jan 2005|11:22am]
[ mood | bitchy ]

I am in Mr. W's room being a AIDE for the fart.
I am talking to him about somethings that I have been meaning to get off my chest.

He seems to just sit back and listen and watch me pour out my heart and everything I have in it.
He understands that life isnt as simple as we percieve for it to be. He knows all, thats what I say.

He's my Jew/Dad. I dont think I have ever been so close with an adult.

I wish at times we could see the future. Therefor I would have some typ of closure. "Dare: I dare you to look me straight in the eyes and tell me you dont need me anymore or yet better, tell me to stop loving you", Theres your dare. Now, its your turn.

I've always asked why certain things happen and why we dont have answers to the questions that are asked. I've always been the one to misunderstand the meaning of love, friendships, family, etc..

You begin to get down on yourself because you tend to notice that finally when you are fighting and trying for something you honestly want, and you know its good. It's simply just to late to ask for a second chance.

Oh, How I wish highschool would be over. Yet, I dont want to leave either. I dont want to stop seeing people who I am close to and love. I am shatterd to know that May 26th. We're all going to part, Dont tell me other.

I am excited to be "free", yet. It's the real world. Time to pay up, and offer all that you have. If you havent already.

Life, that is. Not love. Love is just a murderer with a golden gun. We all play the same game. At times more then others. You ask yourself.. " Where do I go from here ". I am sorry I cannot be of any use to that answer because myself has asked the same.

I just saw you. This morning and right as we speak. Uh, I've got to go. Egg Roll time.

save me from the pain

Lets take a walk down memory lane. [31 Jan 2005|11:19am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I am dreading February 14th.
Its a heart shatterd into a million sharp edges.

What a day. What a fucking day.

save me from the pain

[30 Jan 2005|11:33pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Never knew how much pain the truth and a couple words could cause.
Wasnt his fault just, the truth.

I knew this was comming and I should have prepared.
Yet, I can't stop loving.

" what a quality about yourself that you hate "
.. Not being able to stop loving you ..

Whats yours.

save me from the pain

[29 Jan 2005|08:01pm]
I am getting my nose pierced.
Bitches

I want my back too.
Sexy.

save me from the pain

Never have I.. [28 Jan 2005|03:51pm]
[ mood | awake ]

I dont think I have ever been so happy to see someone.
While Jessica and I were walking through Chandler Mall..
I suddenly stoped in my tracks and so did she.

Holly Pappas. My ultimate bestfriend from Kindergarden up to 9th grade.
We lost touch ever since I moved out to damn gilbert.

She let go of her boyfriends hands and just ran to me and we both started to cry.
I have never felt so much weight lifted off my shoulders.
I was speechless.

Holly wasnt any normal "friend'.
She was my BESTFRIEND, family.

We were unseperable. Never faught. Understood eachother and could read eachothers minds.
We talked for literlly 10 mins and just couldnt help but so exicted to see eachother.
We couldn't stop huging eachother & Crying.

Ever sence Coleman (Her boyfriend), pasts away.
I havent heard from her nor, has she heard from me.

Shes got a nose peircing and a tattoo.. on her hip.
She was surprised to see that "dad" as she calls him would let me. Lol.

As we walked away from eachother.
We exchanged numbers and she wants me to come out tonight.
I would do anything for her. I love her with all of my heart.

As we walked away from eachother, I wanted to cry some more.
But, I had to keep them inside. I wasnt sad, I was so happy to see her.

I kick myself for ever loosing touch with her.
For once, I felt complete.

save me from the pain

[28 Jan 2005|12:15am]
Can't sleep anymore.
Thoughts of you overlap me.

Seeing you everyday, I loose control.
Your touch comes around ever so often.
Each time its cherished.

Why can't I speak to you ...
Why can't I tell you I LOVE YOU
You wouldn't believe it..


you always amazed me
but thats the past
i kept silent and it rained for days
my inside were drenched
but i guess that's the part of growing up
i never wanted to learn
and i grew into the man
that you never knew
but i wouldn't be this way
if it wasn't for you
100 thank you's
it this is love
fairy tales never came true
judies are black in full bloom
and i died in the womb
take it back, all that's gone
it's all still there like you left it
december stayed the same
nothing ever changed but you
every dream civered in dents
love can't fly tonight
couples will rest, i'll be sleepless
so cry yourself to sleep
this is about broken hearts
this is about me
bending again for nothing
i'd run to you but pain awaits
i'm coming home
but i'll be late
no deeper than imagination can be
sight with nothing to see
what's faith if i can't believe
it's everything
a cure, but i make it a disease

save me from the pain

For You. [27 Jan 2005|09:34pm]


I LOVE YOU..

. . . If you only knew.

save me from the pain

as we share this nightmare together. [27 Jan 2005|11:35am]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

Why must I hold on to you when theres nothing left.
I'd give everything to you if you asked me too.
I do love you with all of my heart if you already dont know that.
I just dont know what to do.

I need you.

save me from the pain

Testing the strong ones. [20 Jan 2005|12:15am]
[ mood | gloomy ]

So, I talked to Blake today.
Yeah, I miss that kid.

save me from the pain

BEAUTIFUL SONG.... [19 Jan 2005|07:00am]
[ mood | cold ]

you always amazed me
but thats the past
i kept silent and it rained for days
my inside were drenched
but i guess that's the part of growing up
i never wanted to learn
and i grew into the man
that you never knew
but i wouldn't be this way
if it wasn't for you
100 thank you's
it this is love
fairy tales never came true
judies are black in full bloom
and i died in the womb
take it back, all that's gone
it's all still there like you left it
december stayed the same
nothing ever changed but you
every dream civered in dents
love can't fly tonight
couples will rest, i'll be sleepless
so cry yourself to sleep
this is about broken hearts
this is about me
bending again for nothing
i'd run to you but pain awaits
i'm coming home
but i'll be late
no deeper than imagination can be
sight with nothing to see
what's faith if i can't believe
it's everything
a cure, but i make it a disease
God take me because i hate me

-- Underoath / Alone in Decemeber.

save me from the pain

Run your hands through my hair.. once again.. let me feel your body linger all over me.. [16 Jan 2005|12:30am]
[ mood | artistic ]

in my mind you never left
falling wasn't true
i had faith you flew past the sky
straight through the night
and the sun reflects the night
carrying the very same thing
in your heart that saved me
but maybe you've stopped listening
falling on my selfish ways
it takes faith to see
so close your eyes and search
deeper than just memories
i never stopped believing in you and me
your leaving never changed things
i've been here for too long
to just walk away

4 died tragically while tryings save me from the pain

Fuck. Me. [13 Jan 2005|07:27pm]
I'm on my lunch break.
I dont go back to work until 8:00.

I think things are ending.
I'm scared and lost and everything is a blur.
There is still a tiny little bit of light holding out for me though.
I'll fallow that as long as I can.

I would literally rip my heart out.. just to feel
I wonder what happend to those feelings we had when we were kids.
Nothing affected us and never cared about anything.

Why did we have to grow up to be cold hearted people. All of us.

I've learned love can destroy.
Romance in misery. For some.
As for me, I got the short stick of the stack.
I was the one picked for bad luck or persay' fraud " love "

I've had my good times, and bad.
I hold on to the good and leave the bad.
Bad Choice.

My heart is pounding in my head a millions miles per second.
I feel shakey and I can begin to feel myself drop to my knees.

I have become weak.

7 died tragically while tryings save me from the pain

another stars falls from the hollywood hills [13 Jan 2005|12:42am]
[ mood | blank ]

My mommie wrote me a letter today.
Called her crying cause I knew she was right.

Thanks mommie.
I love you.

.. I am not myself anymore ..

6 died tragically while tryings save me from the pain

Plan A. [10 Jan 2005|11:50pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

So, My cousin and I are talking about moving in with eachother.
We've been talking about it for 2 straight hours now.
I mentioned that my goal is to be out.

We came to the conclusion after highschool we're going to go looking at houses or apts.
It's going to be in Tempe. Thats where we both want to be.
It's close to my beauty school I will attending. On Mill Aven.

I am starting to save up all of my money.
No more starbucks. No more going out so much. No more eating out.
Cut down on Cigg's. Only take out of my paycheck for car insurance,phone,gas,groceries.

After highschool, I will be having a full time job. Or, work two jobs.
He wants to move in middle of July.
The payments each month for a house we are looking for will be $400 each person.
He want's some of his friend like 2 to move in. So get a pretty decent size house.

I am really excited yet, kind of scared.
We're going to have a meeting with my parents.
We'll see how this all goes.

Just had to update that. <3

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