If my advisor was an NFL franchise, she would be the Baltimore Colts

So kids, I just watched Laguna Beach and besides having it make me INCREDIBLY horny, it made me feel very high school and I decided to jump on the old lj.
So school has started and everything is swell and I can't turn the light on in my room because the whole dorm might blow up and...I mean FUCK THAT SHIT I'm going to talk about the concerts I went to this summer. Why? Because Jason Rusman quit the Limbeck blog and who is going to talk about music?
April 19th - Dunkin Donuts Arena Providence, Rhode Island: Taking Back Sunday, Jimmy Eat World, and The Format
So the only reason I got to go to this concert was because a girl that lived in my dorm totally fucked up my moshi pillow (see previous entry)and she gave me her tickets. But it was completly unrelated. Needless to say it was a pretty good show. I mean I'm a big fan of all three bands so like whatever?! I also hooked up with a 13 year old girl with braces. I mean why shave your balls when you can get a little lady to do it for you with dental wear? Moving on.
May 14th - The Avalon Boston, Massachusetts: Ben Folds
My second time seeing this man but my first with a full band. I stood about 10 feet from the stage and the music was great. Something was missing though. That something was Matt Sweeney because his belly exploded.
May 29th - The Fleetcenter Boston, Massachusetts: U2
I went to this concert with my family and sat in the very last row. Enough said. It was decent though.
May 31st - Kate's Cafe Phillipsburg, New Jersey: Clock Hands Strangle
This may have been the highlight of my summer because CHS is the single greatest band i've ever seen and like I'm not even kidding. Me and Gibbons even got a song dedicated for us. BOO-YEAH!
June 6th - Lupo's Heartbreak Hotel Providence, Rhode Island: The Killers
Now usually people try to avoid Providence at all times and look at me, I go there twice in one summer. The show there was pretty sweet though. Despite the fact that the venue sucked and Piligian was being a sketchball and getting mad because they didn't go on until 10 o'clock and he had work in the morning. He also got suckered into tipping a waitress for getting him a bottled water. chump is spelled A-N-D-R-E-W.
June 29th - The Tweeter Center Manfield, MAssachusetts: Oasis and Jet
So the only reason I went to this concert was because Gibbons' dad got FREE VIP tickets from a guy at work so we got the hookup. After the body massage and the complimentry sex, we got to watch the show from about 6 rows away. From there we got to see Liam Gallagher be a fucking lunatic. The band of the 90's was back!
August 22nd - Fenway Park Boston, Massachusetts: The Rolling Stones with special guest The Balc Eyed Peas.
So I don't care what anyone says, The Black Eyed Peas are no talent pieces of shit. The whole concert pretty much consisted of drunk old people masturbating to Mick Jagger. They played new songs which NO ONE wants. Plus we saw a long lost relative. I'm sorry but it was the worst concert of the summer.
So there you have it, Ryan G's best imitation of a Jason Rusman blog. Wait no it isn't, I didn't talk about myself nearly enough in it.
this is ryan g.
  • Current Music
    Foo Fighters - Monkey Wrench

I haven't seen Steve Sheridan in like 6 months

So like any normal person, I like to watch TBS. It has all the good shows that are in syndication right now. I mean they have such great shows as "Seinfeld", "Ed", and of course, the untouchable "Dawson's Creek". Well there is one thing in these shows that I can't stand. It's one commercial that I have only seen on TBS and it's for Comcast Digital cable. It shows like a newspaper ad for a pizza with this annoying ass violin music in the background then it shows an undercooked pizza being taken off of a tray with this like awful mambo music going on. I mean this pizza really looks doughy. And lets face it, who likes doughy pizza? Then it has soccer, ice cream, and then a jeep driving through like a mountain top. The lady in the jeep like stands up and is dancing and all I can really think of at this point is how much i would like to either:
A) See the lady get close lined by a branch or low telephone wire.
or...
B) See the jeep slide off the edge of the cliff. Either would work for me.
This commercial wouldn't be so bad if either they cooked the pizza, got better looking people in it, or got rid of the violin symphony warm-up act. But it's really the fact that this commercial is on during EVERY FREAKING COMMERCIAL BREAK. I mean it's gotten so bad that I have to keep MTV Hits on quick view so once the commercial comes on, I can switch right away and see the latest jam from Fat Joe. I mean the only thing weaker than this commercial are the hind legs of my grandmother's 200 pound golden retriever. The point is, this commercial sucks.
In other news, Some people may think that I am "avoiding" them or "want to see their demise", and they are right. So tough shit.
this is ryan g.
  • Current Music
    Clock Hands Strangle - Forgotten Combination

Steve Sheridan only likes girl on chimp action

Ok kids, I've been told that I am a pretty bitter guy and for good reason. I hate a lot of things. Just ask Matt Robinson. why Matt Robinson you ask? Why the hell not? See I'm already bitter. For this reason, I am going to talk about things I hate in bullet form. Shit I don't know how to make bullets so i will use dashes.
- Kids that take craps while listening to their ipods. Nothing says, "this is going to be a while" than being able to go through the entire Black Album before finishing up.
- Staying with the bathroom theme, kids not washing their hands. Call me crazy, but that's just plain dirty.
- Knowing that people are watching you through the stalls cracks while you are trying to take a dump. That's just sketchy and uncomfortable for everyone around.
- People that walk to class while listening to their ipods. Sweet you are able to listen to like half a song. Your life is much better now.
- Groups of people that walk together and block of the entire sidewalk and then walk incredibly slow. This usually results in failed attempts to pass and twisting ankles. Don't ask me how.
- Myspace.com
- Kids not knocking. I mean what if I was with a lady? What if.........
- My uncanny ability to gain the affection of 14 year old girls and their mothers.
- Profiles with quotes to songs that start in awkward places. You know who you are.
- Kids that don't shower for 3 straight days but still insist on sitting next to you in class and asking you 100 qustions.
- Walking into your room and finding that same kid lounging on your bed with his hand down the front of his pants.
- Feet.
- Being struck out by a girl in wiffleball. Not that I know.
- Assumption College.
- Anything featuring Chingy or Tim Mcgraw.
- People telling me that I'm a bitter person. No shit?
this is ryan g.
  • Current Music
    Thursday - I am the Killer

Steve Sheridan is borderline redneck

So as most college kids do, I went to Florida for spring break. Except I actually went to The University of Florida which is kind of weird because I went to a school on Spring break but Gibbons was like, "Yo bitch do this!" So I did. And I learned many new things on this trip.
1. Woman can't do anything themselves. So when I went to Gainesville, the rest of my family decided to go to Disney World which was cool because I got a free plane ticket. But that meant that my sister and mother were going. They insist on packing the whole effing bathroom and closet but then are too weak to carry it themselves. So obviously I have to do that. They also walk slow.
2. People at other schools tend to like me better than people at my own school. By the end of the first night at UF, someone already offered to adopt me. At Assumption all I get are death threats and kidney shots.
3. The world is out to get me. why else would the only day it rains be the same day I have tickets to a Yankees spring training game that gets rained out.
4. People don't have their cell phones around them. That same day we got lost for 7 hours and everyone I called looking to be around a computer for mapquest was not around. They were nice enough to all call back 5 hours later though.
5. Kids in Westford believe I have gone insane. I may run with this one for a while.
6. The OC is getting shittier and shitter each week. Saved by the Bell called, they want their storyline back.
7. Florida is more redneck than paradise. Have you ever been to a Gainesville Wal-Mart at 11:30 at night on a Tuesday?
8. I figured I'm the perfect guy. I see myself as a 7 which is not good looking but also not ugly which means girls arent intimidated by me. I learned this from Ed.
9. Ed is the best tv show in sydication right now.
10. Florida is pretty damn cold once the sun goes down. But better than Massachusetts I guess.
11. Clock Hands Strangle is going to be the next big thing. I met a kid in the band and they were pretty good.
12. The 6th grader inside of me got me really into Third Eye Blind again. I mean JUMPER!, GRADUATE!, BLINDED! It doesnt get much better than this.
13. Every girl at University of Floirda is a 10.
14. No girl at Univeristy of Florida talked to me.
So that's pretty much my week. I left and it was 70 degrees and I came back and it was 29 with an assload of snow. SHOW ME YOUR BOOBS!
this is ryan g.
  • Current Music
    Third Eye Blind - Thanks A Lot

Steve Sheridan thought the electrical socket was a urinal

So kids, From the first day at school to about last week, I would get Cherry Coke as my beverage for dinner. It was like clockwork. I was on top of the world and no one could bring me down. The cool taste of artifically flavored cherry cola going down my throat was something that I would dream about as i was taking naps throughout the day. Well everything seemed to be great. Until one dark evening....
It was a cold, wet night in Worcester. Just one of those days that makes you wonder why you decided to go to school in Worcester in the first place. Actually that's any day. But this one was different. The choice was a little weak so i went to my buddy Carol and had her whip me up a tuna melt. There was no question what beverage was going to accompany this delicious sandwich. It would have to an ice cold cherry coke from the old soda fountain. I fill up my two glasses and go on my way.
As i sit at the table, a black cat flies across the dining hall. Not really but you get the idea. I take a sip of my cherry coke but then i realize something. This wasn't cherry coke. It was root beer. AWWWWW HELL NO! Some douche bag got the fountain wires crossed and now confusion had set it. People were jumping out windown and gouging out their eyes. we had a crisis on our hands. I figured the next day things would be fixed but no. It was root beer. It was labeled cherr coke but it was barq's root beer. The next day and the next day and the next day. All root beer. I tired pressing the barqs thinking that it would be cherry coke but guess what? It was root beer.
So i ask you gentle humans, enjoy your Cherry Coke. I'll be drinking lameass root beer until then.
this is ryan g.
  • Current Music
    Radiohead - Treefingers

Steve Sheridan has a craving for puppy fetus

Ok kids, in honor of Valentine's Day and that fact that I am a lonely son of a bitch, I will tell the story of the single saddest heartbreak ever.
Circa 1991, Bayside High's "it" couple were none other than head cheerleader Kelly Kapowski and Blondie Zack Morris. Well things were like incredible for these two. Everyone wanted to be with them. They were the Brad and Jen of the early 90's. But much like Brad and Jen, things weren't all peaches and cream.
Kelly was a little straped for money so she decided to get a job at the local hangout entitled "the max". Well Kelly was having trouble with orders so "the gang" helped her out by stealing food and for some reason the people there were cool with that and paid because Slater said so. well one time the gang wasn't there and there was a little trouble in messing up the order with a couple of hooligans wearing a leather jacket. They were ready to flip when out of nowhere some college hunk with slicked backed hair came over the bench and asked if there was a problem. He even used some line about the customer being wrong. Kelly was impressed. I mean a college guy running a fast food resturant. Usually we would call this guy a loser, but to Kelly, it was something more.
Kelly then found herself talking more and more about this guy named Jeff and less about Zack. The viewer knew that something catostrophic was going to happen. And it did. Boy did it ever.
One late night Kelly and Jeff were working alone and discussing tips. I mean money you perv. Well Jeff gets wind that there is the Halloween Ball on saturday night and lets Kelly get off work. She says thank you. Jeff isn't down with the whole your welcome scene and just kisses her instead. Kelly runs out but you know that bitch loved it.
at the same time, The Zack Attack is practicing and they are all trying to think what has gotten into Kelly lately. Slater says that there arent any other guys at school because obviously besides himself and Zack, everyone is a douche bag. Then Screech brings up the point that she works with that good looking guy Jeff. ERRRRRRRRRRRRING. That was the sound of Zack's guitar upon hearing the news. The secret was out. But they werent sure.
At the dance, after playing couple of rousing good songs, Zack approaches Kelly and asks if she is ok. She says, "I'm fine Jeff." Jeff? This bitch just blew it. Zack slams down his romeo hat and walks away. The worst part? It was in the middle of the dance that indicated that they were the king and queen on the ball.
Kelly walks after Zack and they meet at the fateful picnic table where they shared their first kiss. Zack asks Kelly if she loves him. She says, "yes. No. I don't know." During all of this a gut wrenching duet by Slater and Jessie is being performed in the background. They are dressed as Egyptians by the way. Zack then says he will never forget her and dances with her one last time while Kelly is crying. End Scene.
It's moments like these that make you realize how shitty this holiday is. Well that and the fact that the only card you get is one from your grandma that says some girl you went to kindergarten with was in love with you. As well as the fact that you are a single, shaggy haired, emo loser.
So fuck Valentine's day and fuck anyone that has a Valentine. I'll just listen to Saves the Day.
this is ryan g.
  • Current Music
    Saves the Day - I'm Sorry I'm Leaving

Steve Sheridan only likes music you can "skank" to. Which translates into he likes crap.

I know I'm pathetic, I knew when she said it.

Perhaps the single best line to open up an album. It's from an album that changed my life and pretty much sums up my life thus far. I mean what girl doesn't think I'm pathetic? And believe it or not it is from Blink 182. It is Dude Ranch.

I can't be too cool in a tree with my pants down.
If your album can have a catchy song about masturbating in a tree, then you have gold.

The steps that I retrace the sad look on your face. The timing and structure did you hear he fucked her?
Everyone loves to find out that some guy is boning their ex-girlfriend. I mean according to Blink 182, it's a part of growing up. I'll drink to that!

Misplaced your values. Forgot being the importance of being right. Don't sit there and act humble. I've heard your story a thousand times.
This is a forgotten track but like i guess people want others to act "real" and that's really all i have to say about that.

Shit, dad. Please don't kick my ass. I know I've seen you trashed at least one time.
Like whose dad doesnt get liquored up and beats their son with a sock full of change? Anyone?

I don't wanna live this lie again (I don't wanna live this lie again) I know I'll get it right but I don't know when. I'll open my eyes, I've got something inside I'll just jack off in my room until then
Maybe one of my favorite songs of all time because once again all women hate me. Plus it's another masturbation reference which is another plus.

Am I strung out, crazy, or not allowed to be the one who gets stupid over you. Lazy (lazy), laid back (laid back), maybe you're just on crack. Why am I the one who gets fucked up and confused?
Ahhh yes the classic case of the girl leading you on....

But what do I get 'cause I just seem to lose. You make me regret those times I spent with you and playing those games as I wait for your call and now I give up, so goodbye and so long.
This is like when people forget you exist. Like that time in 6th grade when people would talk to me when i moved and then people realized i sucked and no one wanted to be my friend. Jokes on them though, because I'm awesome now.

She's so important and I'm so retarded.
If i had a quarter for everytime i pissed a girl off, I would have like 4 bucks.

One more time you will laugh about it and he'll never try to give you more and I don't care, he is such a dick, treats you like you are a stupid whore.
Gilrs love tough guys who treat them like crap. God I wish I was cool.

Yeah, my girlfriend takes me home when I'm too drunk to drive. And she doesn't get all jealous when I hang out with the guys.
Well, one time a girl brought me back to my dorm in a wheel barrel, which was such a sweet thing to do. But one time a girl did get mad at me because I ditched her to go hang out with Jason Rusman. She aint no Josie!

Princess Leia, where are you tonight? And who's laying there by your side? Every night I fall asleep with you and I wake up alone.
Umm like in middle school I was kind of into Star Wars but the new ones straight up suck so that's all I have to say about George Luca$. GET IT!

Don't like hesh, don't like rap, kicked ol' Sally 'cause she's fat, I'm a jerk, I'm a punk, took a shower 'cause I stunk, smoked a bong, killed a cat, had my nuts attacked by rats, dad got nude, I wore a thong, for a hobby I make bombs.
That's a pretty common summer night for me.

A freight train to the right, feeling that sting of pride. It's fucking with me, it's fucking with you. All's fair in love and war until you say it isn't but you're wrong.
I relate it to any friend that says Bernie Williams isn't going to the Hall of Fame because they are all wrong.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Yea Sweeney and I sing this song a lot so it's pretty sweet. And you can never appologize too much. Am I right?

So there it is, the anthem of my existence. Maybe if you're lucky, me and Sweeney will saranade you with the entire album. And we do a pretty damn good job at it.
this is ryan g.
  • Current Music
    Blink 182 - Waggy

Steve Sheridan insists that it is possible to reproduce with a wolf

So kids, since i had classes canceled today, it gave me time to do my favorite thing in the world. That is watch tv. And i'll tell you, what i saw was pure shit.
One thing in particular really got me mad and like really mad. It was a KFC commercial that was located in what is believed to be a firehouse. We all know it's a hollywood set and those fatcat bastards are just trying to make us believe it's real. Anyway, there are three firemen just sitting there eating chicken wings. First off racial profiling is in there because two of the men happen to be African American and they are eating KFC. Also, shouldn't they be doing something else like I don't know fighting fires? Well that's not even the kicker in this whole thing. It appears that the three men eating the chicken are: The captain, average joe, and "the rookie". Well the capt. and Joe think it will be a funny joke to say that the wings they are eating are far too flavorful and that they should cease eating them at this instant. Well obviously "the rookie" puts down his wings. For some reason this is a good prank because they got "the rookie" (who happens to also be a buisness man that likes to use IBM computers) to put down his flavor explosion wings. Like really, I don't get the joke. I mean maybe the flavor was too much that he didn't want to eat the crappy wings. Because we all know that KFC sucks and makes you shit a ton. Maybe he was just eating them to be nice and get to know people around the house. This is just a stupid pointless commercial. Must like this entry. So in conclusion, not only does KFC's food suck, but now so do their commercials.
this is ryan g.
  • Current Music
    Brand New - Car