Kali (_thirty2flavors) wrote,
Kali
_thirty2flavors

this is also why people who frown on fanfic can bite me, fyi

I was in Chapters yesterday with a friend and we ended up in the ~young-adult~ section. I have no beef with YA stuff, except that I wish the publishing industry would get them some better graphic artists because there sure are some serious DeviantART-style failures going on. Anyway, the first thing I noticed was this, a ~novelization~ of Hamlet by some guy named John Marsden. I don't object on any kind of moral level or anything, but I did find it hilarious, and flipping to a random page brought me to a description of Polonius as an "indispensable" member of the court renowned for his great advice, so I think teens of the world are still better off reading Wikipedia when studying for their Hamlet quiz.

Anyway, beside it was this:



I've definitely seen this book many times before but for some reason it never occurred to me to flip through it and see what happened at the end. AND THIS WAS A GRAVE OVERSIGHT, BECAUSE IT WAS THE BEST. [I'm using one of the spoiler cut tags mostly because I think they're fun and less because I think anyone cares about being spoiled for this book.] The book is written in first person because first person is I guess the language of YA, from Ophelia's perspective obvs. So finally it occurred to me that they probably weren't going to have Ophelia drown herself.

SO I FLIPPED TO THE LAST PAGE and it was everything I could ever have wanted and more (and conveniently explained everything I had missed):

  1. Ophelia, as predicted, does not drown herself. Instead, she hatches some kind of plot with someone (IDK who but probably a priest lbr) to both a) fake her own death and then b) disguise herself as a man. VERY SHAKESPEAREAN OF YOU, OPHELIA.
  2. So she gets the hell out of Dodge while everything goes to shit in Elsinore. Four for you, Ophelia.
  3. Eventually she returns and finds Horatio, who is SHOCKED AND AMAZED at her reappearance from the dead. He is all "omg I thought you died just like everyone else!" and Ophelia's like "FOOLED U!" They make out, clearly about to embark on some kind of weird George/Angelina-esque relationship.
  4. And THEN Ophelia is like "actually, I have one last surprise!"...
  5. .. and out comes HAMLET JR, bastard son of the dead Prince of Denmark.


And that is how I knew this was the best book in the world.

It was also only $5, so I seriously considered buying it and doing a more in-depth review type thing because I'm sure it would be hilarious. But I felt pretty weird about the idea that the first book I buy as an English graduate would be bad Shakespeare fanfic, so I did not. Try not to all storm your local bookstores at once in search of this masterpiece.
Tags: books: best weapons in the world
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